I'm a hot head, But hear me out please, I had an unstable and abusive upbringing, so that's why I'm a hot headed woman. I'm not violent, I used to be when I was a child but I went to therapy and got exposed to a more peaceful environment as I grew to became a teenager and a young adult so I do not throw things, hit people or become physically abusive in any way.
But I do get upset easily and I raise my voice if I get provoked and defend myself verbally. The reason why I yell when I'm provoked is because it's a way to avoid crying instead, I cover up hurt and sadness through anger, because otherwise I would instead break down and cry in front of people who provoke me or hurt me and I no longer want to do that anymore because I have noticed that when I do cry in situations like that I get taken advantage of, laughed at and I never get taken seriously at all.
But it's a deep rooted habit now, if I find myself in heated debates, disagreements or if I'm hurt by someone verbally I usually express anger and I raise my voice and verbally defend myself. Then I storm off angrily to cry about the situation in secret, I calm down very quickly and then feel absolutely terrible afterwards. Then I come to my senses and then I do my absolute best to resolve things fairly and reasonably, I mean well overall, I am not a hater and I never ever want to hurt anyone in any way. Now I think I'm going to end up alone and single because I'm hot headed woman... So would you get into a relationship with a hot headed woman, like me or no?
Nope.
Yep.
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1 y
Okay so what most of you are saying in the comment section is that me being a hot head is a very bad thing and someone even pointed out that I am being abusive by behaving the way I do. The last thing I ever want is to be an abuser, and knowing that I have been abusing the people is embarrassing and just pain sad so I am going to go to a therapist so that they can help me channel my anger in a constructive non harmful and non abusive way.
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1 y
Thank you All😸😸😸.
Guys, would you be in a relationship with a Hot Headed woman?
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If I was to go out with you not knowing any of the above and you started I would do one of two things probably I would sit there and hear you out for a few minutes until it got out of control I would keep very calm very collected and I would very low voice say slow down stop talk to me do not yell if you got more out of control I would either walk away or I would pick you up and I would set you down to where you could not move and I would say stop right now there's no reason for this stop and if you could not stop then that means you can't control yourself and I would get up and I would walk away but if I could get you to slow down and stop with a very low voice I will talk with you because I'm with you for a reason I'm with you because I'd like who you are but I don't like this part of you and I would have to explain that to you if you are upset it's okay get upset say what it is you have to say there's a reason for it but not out of control in this moment I would want to know everything about you everything why you act this way what has happened to make you feel and do the things that you do there is no hitting there shouldn't be any yelling or Screaming because that gets nobody anywhere but if I'm with you and I love you and I like you and you're my friend and you're supposed to be my girlfriend I would probably stick it out a little bit longer just because you are my friend and I want the best for you and I don't want to see you go through this so I would try to do anything and everything in my power to show you that's not the right way I would even take some of you but not very much especially if you didn't thinking that I wouldn't do anything about it and that you can get away with it it doesn't work that way but if you could get a grip on yourself for that moment I would get up off of you I would hug you and I would say talk to me tell me everything I need to know I want to know exactly what you're going through and the reasons why like I said if I'm your friend I'm your friend forever it doesn't matter what it is what it's about I am your friend forever I can take a lot of s*** but there are times where all you have to say is the word that to me and I'm out of there because that means you're taking advantage of something nice and you are taking my kindness this weakness there are too many girls in this world that I'm looking for to want to put up with that type of s*** but it's the same time if you are 100% serious about finding your way through it I would be right there supporting you and helping you get through it any which way I had to
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1 y
Honey you done went from 0 to a 100😹😹😹😹😹😹😹,
You are right if a girl is a hot head and she's rude to you and has no intention of changing that behavior then leave her because yes she is taking advantage of you...
I definitely could be in a relationships with A hot head woman. If only her head is hot I will just put a bag over her body instead of The head. Ofc she would be paying For the STAPLES bag. Or wherever, Homedepot Plus sized construction bag? 😂😂 body bag.
No seriously. I would date you. But only cause I would want to grab you by your hair or neck after we were intimate and spank you for being so "angry/ hot headed early." Or when you get mad or disrespect me and say something that pisses me off, ill grab you by the neck and get in your face as i look down on you and say "SHUT UP, bitch, and pin you against the wall while i stare into your soul and if you move i will slam your back into the wall and sexually harass you. (Rub your pussy or make you get on your knees to suck my cock.) Something about dating an angry women is the best thing for a dominant man like me to handle. I can't stand bitchy women. So ofc i must restrain myself most of the time. But most "nice guys" would not be able to handle you because the would let you abuse them and get beat up or hurt by you. You need a guy who can sexually dominate you like I do my girl. Find a dominate guy and they will fall in love with you. Then again, being hothead can be perceived as unattractive, unladylike, aggressive and attempting to compete with us which activates are competitiveness but we see only a women so it frustrates us men and co fuses us and we default to not competing with you and let it go as you are "unattractive and undatable" Competing with men is an instant sign of non compatibility, therefore, men will not even try if you compete with them. We don't care. We are not hurting you. Its something different about respect and killing a man vs killing a woman and just being plane shameful. That's why most guys let girls take what they want. Its easier and by genetics, make more sense that if you are seeking a partner, do not compete with a woman. Compete with anything you are not trying to get. The whole point is to be the winner when you "compete". After all, you are not trying to "win" the person? You are trying to "attract" the person by showing your winning and not to the looser. Hope that makes sense. That's why you don't compete and why hot heads are unattractive to some/ most extents and can come off as crazy. And every guy always passes this saying on. "Don't stick your dick in crazy"
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New1 y
you watch wayyyyy too much porn dear, please stop it before you become a server porn addict.
I'd avoid it, thankful I've come to see my wife is very tolerant and stable.
you sound normal and that almost is like a description from a book. It appears you understand yourself well but haven't learned to regulate your emotions or "healed" inside the emotions enough to temper your response. Managing emotions is the #1 problem in humanity if you think about it, no matter what the specific issues is... controlling oneself.
As you develop a better world view, heal the inner emotions so you can respond from a place of love when threatened, or peaceful. It comes down to confidence, trust and assurance... that's the value of Christianity, emotionally... to address those issues in humanity... not that it always works or works every day. As well putting things into perspective and clarifying what someone says helps to not react.
So you'll get better as you work on yourself and mature.
I've been around hot headed women and men, ones who "go off" in a split second and swing emotionally quickly. It's poison for me because of the abuses I took as a child and put me in a bad place emotionally, I only recently learned to handle it somewhat better. So, no... I need mellow.
I've written a lot about attraction out here... which is sub conscious. So be conscious of what you are are being drawn to and if it is good for you.
you aren't that abnornmal... females can be more emotional, depending on personality/heritage.
Most hotheaded women I've had to be around are braggarts, overly assertive, and extremely prideful or at least boasts like they are... like they can only see things from their own perspective quite a lot..
One thing they have in common... horror stories from their childhood. I used to be a hotheaded dude... that crying issue was an issue I had before that as well, and yes, the abuse as a child as well. It's taken a lot of practice but I've changed that. I have to avoid drama though and keep myself centered. Avoiding bullshit people like the hotheaded woman I described there at the top and manipulative people When I have to deal with bullshit, I have to stop myself from reacting to it... I have to stop and force myself to think about it rationally. Logically break it down and give my counterarguments in a very logical and concise fashion.
You'll have to work on your own issues as well otherwise you'll find relationships, but they won't turn out as anything like calm enjoyment sort of thing at all times.
Honestly you sound a lot like my little sister. Quick to anger or defensiveness to cover up hurt. Honestly knowing what I knew and dealt with growing up, I can't say I would be willing to be with someone like that in a relationship.
I tried being compassionate and my patience was frequently tested. All it did was drain me and make me resent the individual after a while. Always getting yelled at and treated like dog shit by someone who you love but at times borderline hate is tough.
I get it. Everyone has flaws and issues, but there is no way I would deal with a woman yelling at me constantly or flipping shit and getting angry or defensive over everything. Not worth it at the end of the day.
Friend, sure. I can be the tough love friend, but otherwise I couldn't do it as a partner.
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1 y
Did you read the whole post?, I do not flip things, I do not behave violently I just raise my voice.. I have a calm natured brother, we live together and he is one of the few people I rarely get hot headed with, if we argue or debate or if he says something unkind to me I confront him and he listens, he confronts me as well if I'm in the wrong and I listen to him and consider his words. If I raise my voice he tells me okay but don't raise your voice then I do my best to speak in a calmer tone sometimes I don't realize that I'm shouting or speaking a bit too loud, but he gets my point and we resolve things respectfully, we apologies to one another if we are in the wrong and we never swear at one another. Overall we're awesome friends, we have loads of fun talking about everything. hanging out and laughing our hearts off because we have a similar sense of humor!. Thank you for sharing by the way, I appreciate it.
I never accused you of flipping anything or getting violent. All I did was relate my experience with my sister to your post.
She was a lot like you. However no matter how calm I was she would use that as a way to say rude and hurtful things in return when I tried to be that way. I sacrificed my personal feelings and emotional well being because I had no desire to fight with her, she was the one that tried to pick fights or make them last by being unkind. That was my experience and your post reminded me of it which is why I said what I said.
I don't think you are a bad person and I have no idea what you are like. I just picture my sister when I see this and immediately think her when I picture what you have here.
I'm sorry for anyone who's had a lot of childhood trauma, I'm sure it's out of the person's control, but it's not something I think I could personally deal with.
How a person manages their anger says a lot about them, because anyone can be nice when they aren't.
The thing is with you, is that you aren't violent, which is definitely good, but hot hotheadedness is probably a deal breaker for me.
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1 y
What if I'm your soul mate and your rejecting me for just this one thing I do which annoys you? wouldn't you at least give her a chance what if you can handle it?
If you're compatible enough in other ways, then I guess I probably would, but it's something that'd need to be worked on. I myself have a massive flaw I need to work on, the ability to hold a grudge and not talk to someone for a long time.
Nope. I'm afraid that that that would be a dealbreaker for me. Here's the problem with what you've told us, as far as I'm concerned; at what point do mom and dad stop being responsible for how you choose to handle a situation?
You have my sympathy, you truly do; I had a rough childhood too. Unfortunately, you aren't a child anymore. Mommy and daddy stopped making my decisions for me a long time ago. I can't respect someone who isn't able to say the same.
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1 y
i am super sorry that you had a rough upbringing, i really am.
I forgave my parents for their terrible treatment towards me, But unfortunately you cannot take a Dimond and scratch it on a hard surface and then expect it to be a a perfect Dimond. I was never raised to be a hot head and on top of that I have anxiety and I am prone to depression, there are other qualities that I compensate with like kindness, good sense of humor, honesty, empathy, intelligence and generosity, maturity because both my parents taught me to be that way but they also molded me to be a hot head and to be extremely afraid to cry and be vulnerable emotionally Infront of others. So I stopped blaming my parents but their actions have deeply impacted my behavior and they passed on their genetic anxiety and depression and I have to live with these factors now, I hope people who have kids will put more effort into ensuring that they are benefiting their kids and not harming them because I am an example of what a harmed child grows up to become like.
I am thankful that I can cope very well with my anxiety and depression thanks to therapy and I'm not on meds or anything, but the hot headedness is now a part of my persona.
I also had an unstable and abusive upbringing. So I can understand where you're coming from. But no, I would not want to date you if you cannot get your anger under control. You have to understand: a romantic relationship is supposed to be a safe space. People don't want to be with someone if they're going to get yelled at and screamed at all the time. That isn't any fun. I want to be with someone who I can share hugs and cuddles and kisses with. Not shouting matches.
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1 y
I think I am misunderstood because expressing yourself on here is challenging for me at least. What I mean is , I am hot headed, I use anger to cover up my sadness and hurt because life programmed me to be afraid to cry In front of others when they hurt me. I have not been in a serious relationship yet because I have Been avoiding relationships but I will say that I have realized that I am a hot head with reason because If you are kind to me, respectful to me, and you express yourself in a way that is humane then I will happily do the same, people who are mean, angry like myself, and disrespectful trigger my hot headedness. I have a stunning relationship with my bother, and friends/colleagues and my grand mother, I do argue and disagree with them but we resolve those disputes contractively and respectfully. If I yell they point it out and I do my best to speak in a lower tone, when i am angry i sometimes yell without even realizing that I am yelling...
I am extremely affectionate, I love hugs and kisses, I hate anger, I hate fighting, My childhood was torture because it was filled with anger, fighting, torture and all i wanted was a hug, and a kiss on the cheek i wanted to see love,... but I'm affectionate if i meet people i give them hugs, handshakes, i give all my beloved nieces and nephews kisses and hugsi was sooo angry that covid restricted me from being affectionate. I may have had a rough childhood but it did not turn me into a stone, I love people a lot and yes sometimes they hurt me but I still love people including the ones that hurt me and I care deeply about them.
Yes my father was super abusive, he beat up my mom and she became an angry woman, she would take her anger out on me sometimes and that honestly shattered my soul, their relationship was super toxic and being around it hurt me a lot. I don't hate men though only because I have one of the most the kindest and calmest brother in the world and seeing how awesome he is made me see that not all men are monsters as a kid. So I do not hate men, and I forgave my parents but I still suffer from the impact of my rough upbring because i am a hot head.
by the way, I want to explain why I asked. Here's the thing; this is why this is important to me: because I used to think that it wasn't important; because, after all, women have plenty of legitimate reasons to be resentful of men. Because there are a lot of terrible men out there. But then I learned, through interacting with various women, that some are just very bitter. And they took it out on me! And I never did anything to anyone. I always felt nervous and afraid around them, because anything I could do, if I said the wrong thing, would trigger them and set them off, and they would go off on me and give me a lecture. And I didn't feel like that was fair. I felt like I was being punished for an entire gender. I am not an entire gender! I am just me. And I am not just a concept ("the male."). I am a person! I have feelings, too. And I'm not some monster, either. I'm just a little boy who grew older and looks bigger now.
You are 100 percent correct and I completely agree with you, you sound very tender hearted and in society they will probably make you feel like you are not masculine for being tender hearted and that's false. You need to be careful because toxic women love men like you, because you have a beautiful kind heart and you're gentle so they'll wanna use you and hurt you. Please choose a partner carefully!. you deserve the best so pick the best lady who will treat you just as well as you treat her, if you already knew this then I am reinforcing it to you. I love rants so i enjoyed reading yours.
You're not a little boy anymore, you're a man now, you can control your life. leave all the things that happened to you in the past, because that's exactly where it belongs none of it exists in reality anymore it only exists in your mind. you have a clean fresh slate now that you are older and you can live your life in a way that's healthy for you mentally and physically.
Thank you so much. 💜 And thank you for taking the time to respond to everyone's questions here and explain more about your life. You seem a lot less scary now. Lol
Loool I am not scary at all, i have never met a person who fears me, I was the target for bullying in school because i look very harmless and i still look very harmless because people walk up to me a lot and ask me for help, or talk to me or even mess with me, for example i have had guys grab me by the arm and clap their hands in front of my face in public so i figured that that happens because i have been told that i look much younger than my actual age and that i look adorable. i don't even do a good job at yelling no one gets intimidated by my yelling at all but i do get loud when i yell, it's not scary though no one is scared of me lol. I am a hot head and being one does get me to get taken seriously but i know there are times when it's unnecessary but now it's a part of my personality.
Lol I suppose it does sound scary to read that last message of mine😹😹😹😹 unfortunately it's the truth, it's my life, lol All the best to you with everything, I'd add you but then that would be me exposing my identity 🙀...
Of course. Longs if she don't lie to me and never crosses a situational line I think is to far, I can be clam and reasonable enough to be with a hot headed woman. I've been with girls that have Bpd and stuff so I know issues that come from mental health and try to be understanding as I hope they are to mine.
It depends if she is able to control her anger. I used to date a hot-headed woman and she had a difficult personality. I had to stop taking her to restaurants because she would always argue with the waiter. I had to stop being with her.
I dated another hot-headed woman and she had a great handle on her anger. She had a punching bag at home. She kept a diary. She was seeing a therapist. I thought she was wonderful.
I would consider myself a calming influence on every woman I have dated,, and yes I have dated quite a few hot heads in my time. There are plenty of guys like me out there so don't worry ok?
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1 y
🥺 That's very kind of you to say. Please be careful though with hot headed women apparently yelling is a form of abuse and I absolutely hate knowing the fact that I have been abusing everyone I yelled at.
I want to point out I am not in that kind of relationship now.. I haven't been for some time. The way I have always dealt with it is how you would with a screaming child.. You put your arms tightly around them so they can't hit you and whisper to let out all the anger. So they feel protected.. it starts with screaming, followed by lots of crying, and then whimpering.. to finally, just wanting to hug me
I do get your meaning but I am tired of being so hot headed I got into a heated argument before posting this post and I am still super drained by that encounter, I cried and I struggled to sleep after it all, I cannot keep being like this even my vocal cords hurt, my eyes are puffy I'm sick of this now, I am going to go see a therapist so that I can stop being how I am, I hope that therapist will help me because I do not want to be like this anymore.
Whenever you're about to lose your temper or go off on one, you can send me a message and between us I reckon we might be able to calm you down... Providing I'm here of course.. It's just an experiment but as I have experience I'm prepared to give it a go if you are.
It's very kind of you to offer to try and help me but I have already set my mind on seeing a therapist, I don't even want to wait for the next time when i get angry i wanna get professional help asap because i can't keep living this way, i'm near my breaking point now its too much i bet the people i blow up on feel the same.
