Girl has stopped talking to me, why?

[Anonymous]

There is this girl who used to talk to me pretty decently. She also asked me if i have a girlfriend and stuff.

She is pretty outgoing and she knows that I’m shy because she has asked me why i get so shy. For 2 weeks or so she initiated all the talking, saying hi and asking me how i am, she asked about my life, and hobbies. She carried most of the convos.

but now she doesn't talk to me as much, very little. I feel like it’s because i dont talk to her that much when she initiates conversations. She will ask me a few questions and sometimes out of nervousness i dont ask her back.

could it be that she thinks I’m not interested and stopped cause of that?

[Anonymous]

As the other comments have stated, she’s probably got tired of always initiating and carrying conversations. I understand that you’re crazy shy, but building any sort of relationship takes both of your effort and a two way road. I saw you mention to others that you do like her, so show her that and start putting in the work. I know you’re nervous about a lot of things, especially her not reciprocating feelings but you’ll never know for sure unless you try, and if you just can’t bring yourself to express mutual interest then you’re better off letting her go.

[Asker]

I’m just not sure if she is interested or just being nice. She has done a few thing which i think can be signs.

1. She has asked me 2 times why I’m so nervous

2. When she asked me the second time why i get nervous, she asked me if i have a girlfriend.

3. The next day after the girlfriend question, our social circle went to the club and all of us were dancing. She told me to come with her outside. We talked a bit about another girl because something happened. While we were talking she grabbed my upper arm which i didn't really mind. But then a bit later she put her hand on my tummy and got very close, like right under my nose.
That made me really nervous and i leaned away so her hand didn't touch me anymore. She noticed the gap and proceeded to put her hand back on my tummy.

I can't tell if she is just being friendly or if she is interested. I asked a few friends and my sister to get a girls pov about this, and they told me that no girl does that to a guy, especially someone she barely knows.

[Opinion Owner]

I understand all that, but from the sound of it you want solid confirmation that she’s into you, and you’re not getting that right now. So you work with what you DO have. Or you work with nothing, stay stuck battling in your mind and miss an opportunity with her.

[Asker]

Hm you’re right, its just that i dont want to be hurt in case she says no. That’s why i wait for signs.

Would u say those are signs?

[Opinion Owner]

Not saying this is a rude way so I truly don’t want you to take this that way, but man it does not matter what myself or anyone else thinks. You’re seeking all this affirmation as to if what she’s said are signs, but it doesn’t matter. Why? Because we are not in her head and none of our speculation is fact until it comes from her mouth alone. So please skip the outside validation. As for not wanting to be hurt — you can’t pursue any sort of love without knowing you risk getting hurt. There is always that possibility, even for someone in a relationship, so we just choose who is worth the pain and hope they don’t disappoint us. You’re scared of rejection, which is understandable we all have that fear. But she put her best foot forward in pursuing you, so you owe it to her to try. It’s not only fair but it’s necessary. Like I said, if you can’t do it then own that, wish her luck going forward and walk away from the situation. But if you like her too then let your courage be greater than your fear.

[Asker]

Hm you are right.

The thing is i always think “why did this girl do/ask this? Is she giving me hints?”

[Opinion Owner]

That’s you completely over thinking and probably talking yourself out of trying. Like when she texts you, then you over analyze what she said and either have flat responses or don’t respond at all. You won’t initiate conversation because “you’re shy” and even that is probably you just being all up in your head. You are your own worst enemy but also your solution.

[Asker]

We dont text, we talk itl.

And yea you are right, its not shyness at this point, it’s low confidence and probably social anxiety tbh.

Whenever i like a girl, i get really attached and think “she is out of my league, im ugly, she looks way too good” which makes me insecure and nervous. I feel like the girl looks down on me for being below her

This is why i get nervous. She picks that up and asks me why i get nervous which makes it even more weird for me.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh, this sounded like a texting situation so apologies for making the assumption. Knowing now that this is all in person, I’m guessing it’s at work? If so she may just be a bit busier but i think the main cause is you not initiating. I get having all those fears I really do. But you’ll miss out on a lot of opportunities for relationships when you become to anxious and nervous to even try. Whether it’s a man or woman, whomever is putting in all the effort needs to feel some reciprocation. Otherwise they’ll get tired of always initiating, or may lose interest altogether. Surely you don’t want that.

[Asker]

No problem, and yes it is at work.

She asked me that stuff during lunch break. Everyone else eats lunch outside so it’s just us and her and sometimes her girl friend that eat together. And that’s also where all the “why do you get so nervous” and “do you have a gf” questions happened.

The tummy touching didn't happen at work, our company went to the club for a party and she told me to come with her outside and thats where it happened.

[Opinion Owner]

Hmm, well I don’t want to retract my initial observation too much, because I do think there’s some hesitation with talking to you when you don’t speak first, don’t talk much, etc. I would probably feel like I’m bothering you on your lunch break or in general. But it sort of makes me feel like maybe she’s just trying to form a friendship with you and not getting anywhere so she’s backing off. I’m sorry, I’m not trying to take the potential of a crush completely off the table, it’s just that with the background you’re giving me, it changes the situation in my mind and makes me think otherwise..

[Asker]

Oh alright, i see.

Maybe she is just being friendly who knows. I have observed her around other guys and she seems to be nice to them too, but i have never seen her touch them like that.

I’m overthinking this hard.

[Opinion Owner]

It’s possible, but I mean if you have feelings for her then I still think making some sort of move could work in your favor. It’s hard to know her intended motives, but it doesn’t mean you can’t act on your own feelings.

[bubblegunnn]

Bro its because she think u ain't attracted to her! She worked for you to build connection but u were dry to her..
Do u find her attractive tho? Do u like him?

[Asker]

I find her attractive and yea i like her.

Tbh i can't tell if she is interested or just being friendly.

I am looking for signs in a sense. the ones that i could call signs are:

1. She asked me why i get nervous around her
2. She asked me if i have a girlfriend.
3. The next day after asking me if i have a girlfriend, we were talking and she put her hand on my stomach and she got super close. That made me really nervous and i leaned away so that her hand didn't touch me anymore. She noticed the gap and put her hand back on my stomach.

[bubblegunnn]

See.. you like her and yes she also attractive but why u were dry to her?

If she was being friendly, she's not texting u everyday and she even asked u u have girlfriend or na

Bro why did u do that to her 😭 she legit think u r not into her by gave her a gap its pretty obvious.

Now ur turn to make everythings up

[Asker]

We dont text, we talk irl. Tbh we aren't close at all. She asked me all that stuff irl.

I was dry to her because i was nervous. She also picked that up and has asked me twice on different days why i get nervous, and then after her asking that nervous question, she asked me if i have a girlfriend.

[bubblegunnn]

Ohhh i see..
I think u shud ask her out tho if u like her

[Asker]

I don't know if she will accept that. I can't even tell if she likes me or not.

I told my sister the situation and she said she is giving i hints because no girl puts her hand on a guy’s tummy, especially a guy she doesn't know that well. I asked her what she meant by hint and she said “the other type of hint”. What does that mean?

[bubblegunnn]

Just shoot ur shot bro
Yolo

[Asker]

But I don't know if the odds are in my favor.

[Xasildo]

Yes. She probably thinks that you lost interest in her because you stopped reciprocating your curiosity in her as she has for you. People don't enjoy when they are the one putting in all the effort to a friendship. It goes two ways. Both parties have to put in the effort to make conversation, be themselves, and reach out when they think about or wonder how/what the other person is doing. Reach out. Ask her questions. She won't mind.

[coolbreeze]

Try to keep the conversation going and flowing. I think she might be tired of doing all the work and intiating the conversations.

[Asker]

I can fully understand that, but she also knows that i get shy and nervous, since she asked me why i get shy and nervous.

So wouldn't she know why i dont talk? Or is she just frustrated?

[coolbreeze]

She should understand the reason why your shy since you told her. She might be frustrated and maybe loosing a little interest. It seems like she is fading away a bit.

[Asker]

I told her? Wdym?

[coolbreeze]

That is good you told her.

[Guy13]

Yes. Ask her out. She thinks you think she’s to ugly to date and she’s looking for a boyfriend. She likes you but you obviously do not like her. She has no time for male friends 💩.

[Asker]

I do like her, i just get really nervous and get quiet.

[Guy13]

Move beyond it and Risk. You have already insulted her. Ask today. Plan for weekend. Have your Plans together‼️