How do we stop ourselves from falling into the pick me culture?

[Justneedtokno]

I have struggled with self acceptance. Now it’s harder with the pick me culture.

It’s like you want to dress well and cute but you’re fighting not revealing too much or “you’re putting it on for someone else” even if it just for you. You still want to be seen because I’m single not seeking the attention in the wrong way.

[D_Bone_Steak]

You got to simply stop giving a shit to not fall into it in any way whatsoever.

Me, I got buff and fell into this trap where I was wearing tight shirts I hated just because my woman wanted to show me off. I'm finally to the point that I don't give a fuck about it, even though it was not even me that cared to begin with. I'm currently buying XXL shirts and throwing out every large shirt there is.

Just do you and it works better in the long run... like finding a partner, you'll usually find one that better suits you when you don't try. There are reasons for that. Attracting someone for the real you always works better than what you'll get by being fake.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I think this anti "pick me" trend is dumb.

Why on earth would you not want to display the best version of yourself for a potential match?

"Pick me" isn't a culture, its what sexually reproducing animals have done since we evolved sensory organs. Nothing wrong with it in my opinion.

The only people who hate it, are pissed because they don't stand out, or feel unattractive compared to others. But the peacock show is eternal and sexusl selection IS and always will be a a match based competition, and no amount of jealousy will change that. 🤷🏻

[TheSpaceGnome]

sexual*

[Justneedtokno]

I’m saying not to overly do it. So where are you can be looked at as a doormat or easy or worse.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I do not view "courtship display competitions" and "being a doormat" as the same label, and I think doing calling them the same thing is pretty absurd, especially when you factor in that no one is going to want to be picked by someone who doesn't want them/appreciate them/treat them well.

[TheSpaceGnome]

As far as being easy, good matches are always easy. It's bad matches that are hard.

[Justneedtokno]

Siri, this is your views, but men of this day and age on all like you

[TheSpaceGnome]

I am not apple's AI.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Also if you are using speech to text, stop, it runs like ass.

[Justneedtokno]

Lol is why it’s artificial men do not think like you all the time

[TheSpaceGnome]

Artificial men?

What are you on about? robots? 😂

[Justneedtokno]

Lol 😂 courtship is ok but overly display can be perceived as something else

[TheSpaceGnome]

I like over the top flirty behavior in women, and when they go out of their way to explain or show why they are a perfect match for me.

[MzAsh]

Honor what pleases YOU, not anyone else. Everyone else will have you performing for their own benefit. Stay true to your own benefit.

[AddylynnNightingale]

I don't know anything about pick me, and I don't care either. I dress how I want to dress. The world has to deal with it.

[FilmGuy93]

This answer will be kind of unhelpful, but in a lot of ways you avoid falling into pick me culture by just deciding that you don't need to be accepted by everyone.

There are a lot of extremely physically appealing women that I have no interest in having sex with, for example, because I see them as emotionally unappealing people.

[Sandeeppingping]

Dress however you feel like bruv, I'd say you'll hear that pick me thing more from women than men, but regardless from either it's frustrated uptight people talking, like I and most people genuinely don't care in the most wholehearted way possible, don't let the loud ones annoy or affect you

[SiberFox]

The whole point of dating is to be "picked" by the person you've "picked".
Think of your ideal partner, then ask yourself what that partner would want in their partner. You have to mold yourself to your ideals, that means compromise. What the girla are saying to do things for yourself is partly true. But if you aren't willing to make adjustments for the person you want to be with, then you won't be with them for long, if at all.

[hahahmm]

Hmm. you mean it's hard to be a fat, lazy slob with short green hair AND to get a man to find you attractive? I guess that's the problem with being a straight woman & a hardcore feminist.

Or did you mean something else?

[Justneedtokno]

Something’s because I’m non of those what you describe. I post myself the other day. And got some good feedback.

[hahahmm]

The point is that a lot of feminists reject men. They believe they are entitled to a man's attention while ignoring all of his preferences. From what i've heard feminists don't like "pick me" simply because it puts the man in the position of making a choice. Yet they will dress like whores and claim it's "empowerment" if men pick them based on that. It's all crazy. I'm a traditional type dude. I was never interested in the women who go over the top trying to look like street hookers. But a woman can be attractive without all that. In fact. the better her character the less she needs to do to find a dude. She still better be feminine tho... and that's not what feminists promote.

[Justneedtokno]

But I’ve never considered myself as a feminist. I care about women and their rights, but I don’t think I go to the extreme of men, hating or hatred, wanting to have equal power to go to work is fine, wanting to be able to take care of the household, just as the man can is fine, I already know that I’m not trying to do certain mean characteristics or traits. I don’t want a mustache. Lol. I don’t think I’m entitled I don’t have an over inflated sense of ego just because I dress well doesn’t make me a whore and I don’t mean showing everything either. And.

Let’s be for real the bitch the hooker gets attention the good girls, mothers, or whatever do not simply because you would marry someone that is like your mother who is good and not doing anything but cheat on her to be with the bitch or the hooker

[hahahmm]

"just because I dress well doesn’t make me a whore and I don’t mean showing everything either." So where did I say that dressing "well" makes you a whore? Unless you mean that you do dress like a whore but you object to the word whore.

"Let’s be for real the bitch the hooker gets attention the good girls, mothers, or whatever do not simply because you would marry someone that is like your mother who is good and not doing anything but cheat on her to be with the bitch or the hooker" -- Depends on what guys you want attention from. A lot of you women make the mistake of thinking that all attention is high value so you go trying to get attention from every dude. Then you're surprised one day when you figure out that you can't keep a man or get a guy to take you seriously.

Far as how feminist you are... it's like saying you're only a little bit pregnant. Maybe if you want a guy to take you seriously it'd be wiser to focus on how to get a guy who will value you beyond sex. But if that's not important to you then go ahead and think you know how men think and assume every man would cheat on his woman.

[Justneedtokno]

Lol 😂 I think the word you’re looking for is modern, not feminist I do not claim that. I still believe in gender roles in some aspects. Nope that’s just the majority of what happens. Do you see it in movies you see it in real life you see it on a daily women pretty decent and still not be the choice.

[hahahmm]

I've only heard of feminists even saying 'pick me culture is wrong'.

[Justneedtokno]

That’s what makes you wrong you’re not listening to other sides of the story. Pick me is only wrong when you have to overly push yourself to be in front of the male gaze it’s OK to look for a partner but it’s not OK if you’re not thinking about yourself or your worth or how desperate it makes you

[hahahmm]

Oh, so you think a guy has to listen to women talking to each other, understand a concept women love to worry about and so on? If that's how life worked you would already have a boyfriend.

[Justneedtokno]

I’m saying just because I have a different opinion doesn’t mean that I am what you think I am when I’m already telling you what I am. narrative of who I am and I believe that it’s not true and I’m telling you what it is. What I was referring to is in a regular situation with the current term of pick me is. Is overly doing it. A woman should we to beautiful for herself and the her person of choice

[hahahmm]

My theory is if we put the vast majority of you women in individual rooms where nobody could see you for 10 years... when we open the door 10 years later you would all be super fat, with short green/blue hair. Looking like the princess from shrek but talking about how you look beautiful to yourself.

[Justneedtokno]

Okay your first problem is Shrek is a good movie. Secondly, why would I die my hair, green or blue? That’s weird you didn’t say anything about food or water in this room and we would all be probably insecure and worse because honestly, I think we would be dead to get along. Yes, a different story.

[Justneedtokno]

It took me so long to grow my natural hair. Why would I cut it?

[hahahmm]

Room as in a prison cell. Read between the lines. Anyhow, I understand you very well now!

[Sixgunsound]

Pick me culture strikes me as a childish retort from someone jealous they keep getting passed by. I’m not sure why anyone validates the jealousy of the lonely and unhappy.

[Agape93]

Just stay true to yourself, your morals, your beliefs and your self worth, and fuck what everyone else thinks.

[NathanDavis]

I just don't bother myself with any of these "social media concepts and terms"

[Jouth]

Just dress how you want.

If it means attracting attention, then do that, because that'a still what you want.

If not, then do that instead.

People will always talk shit no matter what you do, so just you do you.

[LimitedBenefits101]

...

[Phoenix98]

Simple by not caring or giving a shit what people think or say.

just be you and if you do dress well do it for yourself and not others get what I mean?

[Jennz6]

I don’t have anything to say about that because I have to take whatever my manager sends to me 💃

[Justneedtokno]

Your manager, like a pimp.

[Jennz6]

Yes he is my pimp

[Anonymous]

Not that hard. I think it's really simple. If you think what you're wearing is more relevant than anything else about you. That's when you have a problem.

[msc545]

I'm a guy. don't care.

[Justneedtokno]

I see you didn’t care enough to not answer

[legalboxers]

dont get involved...

[Alex8736]

Ever try yoga pants?