So basically when I was 18 I went off to college (grew up sort of sheltered). I realized that many of the women that I knew were falling for assholes (I didn’t know that I was a nice guy/pushover at the time) and would then complain about being treated badly to me. These guys that they complained about were not good people. I was friends with them but they kicked me out of their clique. The memories cemented in my mind and to this day all I can ruminate about is that “women love assholes but they’ll never like you”. I’m 25 now and am still haunted by these memories and type of thinking. I have tried asking women out but have gotten rejected and have come to the realization that not everyone is destined for love/intimacy. One time I asked someone out and was rejected and then found out that she was seeing a drug dealer. During the pandemic I took an online class and the course instructor said that he was better looking at my age and it turns out that he has a Colombian wife that used to be a model. I had to turn to black pill logic and reasoning because the proof kept popping up in my life time and time again and what’s worse is that I would like to be in a relationship but am at peace with dying alone and not have to make the effort with women. I don’t want to be bitter and jaded but don’t feel as if I have a choice. And not all women are like that obviously but I would rather think in black and white so I don’t have to bother meeting women then think positively on the matter. It’s a painful rumination that stabs me every day. I tried therapy but it makes me feel hopeless so I had to stop.
22 d
How do I get out of this mindset?
