How do I get out of this mindset?

[Anonymous]

So basically when I was 18 I went off to college (grew up sort of sheltered). I realized that many of the women that I knew were falling for assholes (I didn’t know that I was a nice guy/pushover at the time) and would then complain about being treated badly to me. These guys that they complained about were not good people. I was friends with them but they kicked me out of their clique. The memories cemented in my mind and to this day all I can ruminate about is that “women love assholes but they’ll never like you”. I’m 25 now and am still haunted by these memories and type of thinking. I have tried asking women out but have gotten rejected and have come to the realization that not everyone is destined for love/intimacy. One time I asked someone out and was rejected and then found out that she was seeing a drug dealer. During the pandemic I took an online class and the course instructor said that he was better looking at my age and it turns out that he has a Colombian wife that used to be a model. I had to turn to black pill logic and reasoning because the proof kept popping up in my life time and time again and what’s worse is that I would like to be in a relationship but am at peace with dying alone and not have to make the effort with women. I don’t want to be bitter and jaded but don’t feel as if I have a choice. And not all women are like that obviously but I would rather think in black and white so I don’t have to bother meeting women then think positively on the matter. It’s a painful rumination that stabs me every day. I tried therapy but it makes me feel hopeless so I had to stop.

[SueShe]

I truly believe that you are overthinking the entire issue. Most of the people in this world are rejected at one time or another when it comes to dating. The chemistry between the people must be right and you can only find it out after a certain time. Being rejected does not make you less attractive but I see it makes you bitter and probably angry as well.

You are the only one that can help that situation.

In order to have friends or a girlfriend, you must be proactive and find friends. They will not just pop up in your life without you being involved in the relation. Best is to join a club, take a hobby where you can meet people with similar interests.

If you are good at one specific occupation, then see if you can find a club or place where others meet that share that passion. The rest will just fall automatically into place. Sharing the same interests with a person is always a good start to get to know that person better because you have common grounds.

But without you wanting and acting upon it, nothing will ever happen. You have to get out of your comfort zone for it to happen. The most important is not to be afraid to fail. If you are rejected, get back onto your feet and try again.

First thing though, you have to get rid of your mindset because it is blocking you from moving ahead. If you think that you are going to fail whatever you do, then you will fail for sure. Good luck.

[NotTacocaT6969]

You’re not even 30 yet.


You’ll only die alone if you keep this hopeless mindset.


You have to realize that there are billions of women on this planet and that every last one of those women likes something different in their men.


That means that there are dozens of women, if not more, on this planet who are capable of loving you exactly the way you are.

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, I totally get where you're coming from. Having those experiences at a young age when you're still figuring stuff out can really mess with your head long-term. But don't give up hope yet.

The thing is, relationships are complicated and we only see small snapshots of other peoples' lives usually. Just because those chicks happened to date assholes doesn't mean all women are like that - different strokes for different folks, ya know?

And rejection happens, but it says nothing about your worth as a person. Dating is a numbers game that everyone loses sometimes. Don't let a few bad experiences define you forever.

It might help to shift your mindset from the black vs white thinking to focusing on building yourself up instead. Work on finding hobbies you enjoy, leaning into your friendships, exercising and eating well. Become someone you really respect.

That way if a cool chick comes along who appreciates you for who you are, great. But you don't NEED a relationship to be happy - you've got your own back. Baby steps dude, you got this!

[Mr_twoface]

Growing up, just like you, I had these thoughts and feelings. As I matured I realised that girls/women I was surrounded by were often drawn to “bad boys” as they want more than “vanilla” in their life’s. When I turned 24 I moved overseas and realised that there is plenty of fish in the ocean and you just have to find those. You may think you are alone because of limited surroundings but to give up believing this is it, is totally wrong! Travel, backpack, go out of your comfort zone and surroundings and you will grow so much more both mentally and personally!

Best luck man!

[strateguy632]

sad story. sorry

[Anonymous]

Damn, who brainwashed you?

[Iron_Man]

Go to church and find church friends