Girls, Liked a crush's instagram pic, what now?

[Anonymous]

So here's what happened. There's this girl at work with whom I've been flirting and so far reactions have either been very positive or unimpressive. Seems like we're both playing hard to get, so I decided to go online and see if I could find her instagram to get to know her online image and decide if I want to pursue this. So I did find the account and was just scrolling around until I acidentally liked a pic. First thing I did within seconds was unlike the pic, 2nd is check my account and change my name because apparently the account I'd created ages ago had my real name on it. Heart was racing just like that one time I had a car accident and we were upside down, amazing, here I was about to come off as a total creep and stalker to someone at work. And now in order to calm myself down I need to know what other girls would think of it if they found out and how would they react? I've been playing sort of the mysterious type so far and looks wise I'm around 7/10 at the moment with a potential for a 9/10. I have a feeling that might play a role...

[SueShe]

You act like a teenager and certainly not like an adult. That type of behavior would suit the one of a 14-15 year old child but not a person that is supposed to be in the age group 25-29. I mean, do you still use that social media at that age?

So, you goofed by "stalking" your co-worker and you are afraid of the consequences, right?

You acted as a culprit by changing your name and that makes you look even worse since now it is so obvious that you are after that girl from work. Why don't you just simply tell her that you have a crush and then the entire story ends. There is no need to make it sound so mysterious. I am sure that she is now definitely aware that you are after her.

[Asker]

Some of us mature at different speeds. At 14-15 I didn't even consider dating. Only got my first long-term'ish relationship at 21.

And I may be a guy, but walking up to someone, especially at work, to tell them I might be into them it's still a big deal no matter the age.

Also, she's got a boyfriend atm which doesn't seem to be going very well and I have no idea what the work enviroment will look like after things get awkward.

[Anonymous]

Playing hard to get? Dude, she’s in a relationship so why would she be making herself available for you to “get” anyway? The fact that you know she’s taken and yet choose to disregard her man that is completely selfish. It doesn’t matter if they’re having a rough patch, it’s normal for relationships to have a few bumps in the road but it doesn’t mean she flat out wants to leave him. On top of that, what do you hope to gain? A women that you can either coax out of a relationship or have casual sex with? Imagine some guy doing that to you, im sure it would not feel good. As for liking her pic, you went about that whole thing immaturely. Sounds like you used some old burner account to dig around for her (to see if you want to pursue a taken woman, mind you), liked a pic then rather than own it you scramble to change the name and cover your tracks. You don’t deserve to be calmed down and reassured as not to feel guilty — you should feel every bit of that embarrassment and culpability.

[Asker]

I also used to be a religious person and despised anyone doing this. I never really understood the reason why anyone would do this, but you won't know until it happens to you. People get stuck in relationships, settle and become bitter they never went after that person.

As for "taking" her out of another guy's hands, I don't think he owns her like an object, do you? We don't really know their circumstance, but she's playing the game with me out of her own accord.

[Opinion Owner]

You’ve been out of a relationship for so long that you’ve lost the ability to respect someone else’s. What I’m talking about has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with just being a decent, mindful human being. Yes people get stuck in relationships, but who are you to say that she’s in the predicament? All of these things you’re saying now is just your attempt at justifying how you’re actively moving in on someone’s girlfriend. She’s “taken”, as in dating someone else and you have full knowledge of that yet still treat it as some sort of roadblock to getting what you want. I don't know if you’ve always been so heartless and self-serving, but just remember that karma is real and you can’t do wrong by someone else without having it hit you ten fold later on down the road. There’s waaaay too many women in this world to go after someone else’s.

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly though it probably doesn’t matter. You blew it anyway with that like and dash move. Maybe that was the karma.

[Asker]

I settled for my first relationship because I didn't know who I was or what I wanted. At one point the bubble bursted and I had to leave. Turned out there are girls out here that actually like to have sex and aren't dead fish during the act. Many, many times girls do leave for someone better, and guess what, that's for the better. Otherwise these guys will never learn to stop playing videogames, get up and go and be ambitious. Make an effort with flirting and in bed for their girls.

But this is way out of topic, so I'm assuming someone cheated on you and it's a big scar in your psyche. I actually stopped trying to be so possesive with the girls I am with and even if they ended up "cheating" it really wouldn't matter to me. Everyone will flock where they belong. And if it's not with me? Cool, at least now we know and we can move on.

As for the girl in my story, she hasn't confided to me that she has a boyfriend. It's something that I ironically learned through that "background check" online. She's acting like a single girl, constantly bumping into me, getting all touchy and acting nervous around me. What am I supposed to do? Follow some made-up sky daddy rules? There's nothing connecting two people together besides their own desire to stay together, there's no magical cord holding it all in place.

[Opinion Owner]

Okay, so you’re one of those people that realize there’s better out there, wanted to explore your options and left the relationship — thats smart. You’re right, girls (and guys) do leave relationships for someone better, and yes that is absolutely for the better. But not everyone is under that umbrella. Not everyone feels the need to see what else is out there, or wants to try and do better than their current relationship. Your problem is that you are a single minded thinker. You have your own personal experience, and use that as a single point of reference in your decision making without considering conflicting factors, or that hey, not everyone is experiencing what I went through. The truth of the matter is, you don’t know her situation. You don’t know what she’s going through or where she stands, and you’re creating a narrative and drawing assumptions where it may not apply. No I haven’t been cheated on thankfully, but I am considerate of other people’s relationships, because I wouldn’t want certain things done to me. You don’t think that way, and you should. You don’t put yourself in other people’s shoes.

[Asker]

As much as I've enjoyed being the villain in your story I have to dissapoint by saying that yes, I put myself in her shoes. Otherwise I would've hooked up already. I'm not gonna force anyone into anything they don't desperately want.

As for the karma coming my way, I decided to create another insta account to test how the notifications react when I accidentally like my own picture. Looks like unless you have the maximum alert notifications (which are not standard when you install) would she even see it, because it vanishes immediately. So it looks like there's only a >1% chance it was seen. This was happening to a lot of people so they probably changed things.

[Opinion Owner]

“Otherwise I would’ve hooked up already” lol, you mean if you had proof she was into you, and coaxed her into cheating? As if it’s solely your choice that the “hook up” would’ve already happened. You’re getting way ahead of yourself, and taking your weirdness a step further by choosing to make yet another IG page. Yes that’s stalker-ish, yes that’s strange, and yes, you’re wrong for that. Here’s hoping she sees through you and gives you the very much needed reminder that she’s taken if you even bother trying to get with her. Also, I don’t mean put yourself in her shoes I mean HIS, the boyfriend, the guy you’re throwing a middle finger up to. You’re ridiculous.

[Asker]

You make it sound as if cheating isn't entirely her fault, or his. That if it wasn't for this guy she can't resist then the relationship would hold? THAT'S ridiculous. If it isn't me it's gonna be the next guy.

You need to drop that personnal vendetta against me and see it from an unbiased way.

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly your perspective on women and relationships is just so obnoxious and broken, but how could I expect any different from a man who’s logic is that if his partner cheats, it doesn’t matter to him? There is no sign of her even being interested in dating you, let alone romantically interested. You keep approaching her with flirtation and even in the moments she doesn’t receive it well, you opt trying again. If you don’t care to consider her boundaries and comfort, then why would you care about trying to destroy a relationship? Then you have the audacity to stamp a “vendetta” against yourself on my behalf, as if there is any positivity to what you’re trying to do. The least you could do is wait and see if they actually are in a position to break up before moving in but no, middle finger to him.

[Asker]

Yep, I should not have talked about any non-essential details because some girls will not understand what it's like being a guy going for casual encounters in 2022 at all. You're gonna break hearts and relationships because many are so damn clingy it's annoying. Y'all seem like the only option is getting married right now and be locked on to me because otherwise I'll feel very lonely and rejected, it's just so pathetic. Luckly there's still plenty who get it out here.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s why you find a woman who also wants casual encounters, and the fact that you’ve devalued your coworker to the extent that you think she’ll go for casual sex with you while in a relationship is the definition of disrespectful. Have you ever considered that maybe she thinks you’re being playful and joking with your “flirtation”, and that’s why when you lay it on too thick she has a negative response because you’re doing too much? That’s what I believe is happening, but you’re so egotistical you blatantly misinterpret her responses as mutual interest and further plot to get her in bed. You have no shame. If you want someone who’s not clingy and wants casual relations then that’s fine, but at least seek someone who’s actually on the same page rather than bait this kind woman, who you don’t even know is slightly interested, mind you. “You’re gonna break hearts and relationships”, those are the words of a lonely, desperate man who’s so out of touch with the simple notion of being mindful.

[Asker]

Nobody is mindful with me, why should I? Have you ever been a guy? It's a dog eat dog world out here. If I don't do what I have to do I don't get shit. If you don't deliver you're worthless.

And again, I'm not gonna force my hand on anybody. If she says no it's no, there's plenty of girls.

We've been working for 2 months now and I didn't take notice of her until she decided to get so close to me. It's been a week of this back and forth. Usually I would say it's nothing, but the touching is what tells me her intentions. That and how nervous she gets.

[Opinion Owner]

What does being a guy have to do with being a decent person? Why do you think bro code exists? Or men tipping off other men when they see that man’s girlfriend being shady? Doesn’t sound very dog eat dog to me. Your problem is that you choose to make every woman pay for what one woman did, and it dictates your whole approach to women. Are there plenty of women? Absolutely, but I’m guessing you aren’t having much luck in that area and grasping for what you can. I guess that’s what loneliness does. Anyway, I’m willing to bet my last dollar that this “touching” is being over-exaggerated in your mind. Is she sitting in your lap? Arms around your neck? You know, things that blatantly relay interest? Or is she playfully touching your arm or stomach, probably really giggly. You’re getting ahead of yourself.

[Asker]

I don't know what happened to you, but something did. You seem to enjoy judging others far too much, possibly projecting too with that "loneliness" routine. Good luck.

[Opinion Owner]

I’m in a relationship and have been for a few years. Saying that it’s wrong to pursue someone who’s already taken isn’t judging, it’s a fact.

[Opinion Owner]

You are lonely, not to mention selfish, and you can’t negate anything I've said, instead opting to say that I’m projecting and have a vendetta lol. I am perfectly fine because I don’t stoop to the levels that you do, so maybe you’re the one projecting? Dying for some consolation to help ease your guilty conscience. Sad and miserable behavior.

[Asker]

To me it just looks like you don't want to imagine this happening to you. And your consolation is believe I'm lonely or something. Even if I was alone I wouldn't be lonely, I was married at 21 and hated it after 2 years. There's nothing I enjoy more than my current freedom.

[Opinion Owner]

Assuming I’d be in the woman’s position and not yours, no it wouldn’t happen and I don’t need to imagine because I’d never cheat on my boyfriend. I bet that the woman you’re interested in has similar if not the same morals, and won’t cross that boundary to hook up with you. One week of attention from her and you’ve decided to target her with flirtation and possible romantic interest, knowing full well that she’s taken and disregarding that because “dog eat dog world”. Why not use your own imagination and put yourself in her boyfriends shoes? Rather than being cold and chopping up your behavior to “well people don’t consider me so why should I consider them?”. That’s the person you’ve become in life and it’s sad. I don’t need to project anything negative onto you you’re doing a great job of it all on your own.

[Asker]

I don't know him, she hasn't told me about him, as far as I know he doesn't exist. You are trying very hard to make me the villain, but it could just be her. Maybe she reminds you of you at some point and you're like "nooo girl don't go for him, appretiate your boyfriend". Who knows. All I know is if she bites I bite back.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, let’s make the man you know exists nonexistent in your mind, that’ll fix it all lol grow up. You are the villain so you might as well just own it.

[Asker]

I'm gonna ask her for coffee in a couple of days. She could just say "I got a boyfriend" and that's the end of it. If that doesn't do it I'll invite her to my place. At some point she has to bring it up.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol you have no shame. Have fun getting rejected.

[Asker]

Can't wait. It wouldn't be fun if there was no risk.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol yes, you can’t wait to destroy what could’ve been a chill friendship and make work extremely awkward since she’d then know you see her as more than a friend. I can see you’re trying to antagonize me with your sarcasm but what you eat does not upset my stomach.

[Asker]

You know, if guys were always worried about how awkward things would get we'd probably go extinct as a species.

[Opinion Owner]

Don’t go roping every man into your band of madness lol you don’t speak for everyone. Some men actually care about things like this. You don’t care and of course not, look how you operate already? I have faith in her modesty and loyalty even if you don’t.

[Opinion Owner]

Not every man is a player and treat women like conquests. Just like not every man chooses to date women at their jobs with one of the main reasons being how awkward a fall out would be.

[Asker]

So you telling me your man didn't risk it and made a move on you? Possibly making things awkward? It's always a risk, and it's almost always ours to take.

[Opinion Owner]

What was there to risk? Neither of us were in a relationship, and we didn’t work together, we met through mutuals. Like I said before, you’re treating her being in a relationship as an obstacle to jump over, a “risk”. I don't know if you’ve had women leave you for other men in the past so that’s why you’re so idgaf about it but there’s no reward in being that sort of person.

[Bethany22]

Depends on how you act after that. If you act distant, then she might just think it was an accident or that you're being a tease

[Asker]

Well, the real problem is that we haven't exchanged eachother's whatsapps and instas, so it basically means I stalked her plain and simple.

I'm worried that all the mystery around me will be replaced with creep.

Also, there's no way for me to know if she knows. She would have to be on her phone all the time and have checked it before I changed my name.

[Anonymous]

It's only Instagram. Meaningless.