As a woman are you more concerned about truth or love?

[chris_987]

If you have a daughter and she start stripping or doing something you don't like, do you tell her the truth that she should stop, or would you rather show love and support her!

[smashleyy]

I think both are equally important. I don’t think the example is the best though. Regardless of me disagreeing with my future adult child’s choices it’s not my place to pass judgment or tell them what they should and shouldn’t do. A lot of people dress up controlling tendencies as caring/loving or “truth” telling but it’s not. I’d hope I would have done a good enough job parenting in the early stages, making her feel secure within herself and keeping her self worth intact that she’d want more out of life than stripping. It’s not so much the profession by itself I’d have an issue with but more so how girls who choose that life style are treated. Anyone with half a brain wouldn’t want that for their kids but again not my life not my place.

[chris_987]

Well I was trying to relate everything back to statics about how children of single mothers worst overall, cause I watch a documentary about porn and most of the girls who told there mother they were doing porn they mother just said as long as your happy, while the father cut off all contact with his daughter. So it seems to me that overall women put feels before truth, so right and wrong doesn't matter anymore it's all about how you feel. Which kinda shows how important men are in society.

[smashleyy]

It’s not as black and white as that. There are plenty of women who end up in the porn industry who had both parents present in their lives. Being raised by broken people rather that be both parents or a single parent gives you a twisted outlook on how you view everything. The world, people, yourself. Men giving their love to their children on condition also plays a role

[chris_987]

Yeah but overall the evidence would suggest that if you prioritize love and affection over what right or wrong your child will worst. Children need discipline and it seem if that responsibility is on the women then it's not going to happen.

[smashleyy]

discipline? neglect is not discipline it’s abuse and a sign of a emotionally immature parent. Overly coddling kids is a no but showing love and affection doesn’t turn women to a pole for work. There was a time I was insecure, had low self worth, over compensated with ego for lack of real confidence, and even thought the only way I’d achieve real success was through my body. I was raised by a single mother and yes she played a big role in those problems I had but it wasn’t from giving too much love it was from not getting enough of it. She also called neglect “discipline” She was overly judgmental, critical, filling me with shame as she tried to steer me away from anything she deemed promiscuous giving me a toxic outlook on my sexuality. I’ve had to unlearn plenty. Again shitty parenting is to blame for how a lot of people end up but shitty parenting comes in many forms one being what you consider the right way

[chris_987]

I think you need a balance of both, like if you became a single mother you can do the opposite of what you mother did unless you have a guy to balance that out. Cause one parent has to discipline the child or else theyll become spoiled and entitled.

So how would you discipline your child.

[smashleyy]

Hitting and shaming are what most people jump to for discipline subconsciously (because most people lack emotional intelligence/patience) those are “quick fixes” to problems but almost always cause problems in other areas mentally. a healthy way for discipline is giving consequences for actions. Obviously those consequences depend on the specific situation. You don’t need to belittle or hit your kids to get your point across or teach them right from wrong and stop them from being spoiled. If you think it does there’s a good chance you experienced abuse and think it’s normal “good” parenting

[chris_987]

I would say that we live in the most emotionally intelligent time and people are the most spoiled and entitled they've ever been throughout history. So there goes your claim. There's way less discipline now than there ever has been but yet still people are acting out more. So how do you explain that?

[smashleyy]

We do live in the most emotionally intelligent time cause a lot of people are unlearning what they were taught by broken parenting but there is still plenty out there still run by their baggage and trauma and either not willing to correct it or unaware they are even carrying it. they continue to pass on their trauma for their children to carry. Since we only see life through our own experiences I’ll share my own personal shitty info as example of over the top discipline that does more harm than good. My mom was raised mainly by my grandpa and he was everything I’m assuming you look up to. He was harsh on punishment and discipline. I don’t know much details but I know a belt was used and my mom and her siblings are all kinds of fucked up. My moms punishment styles included pepper/soap in the mouth, spanking, slaps across the face, screaming at the top of her lungs, silent treatment, groundings that involved not being allowed out and anything of value to us taking away and then some. I wasn’t lacking on discipline and I still ended up fucked up cause I was lacking love, understanding, an emotionally mature parent to show by example how to properly self regulate emotions in a healthy manner. The kicker is my mom was often complimented “your kids are so well behaved” and we were from the outside looking in. But we had a lot of underlining issues due to that “great” parenting. There was a time I once looked up to some of my moms parenting and planned to apply it to my own when I had kids and I’m thankful I realized the dysfunction before procreating. most people don’t and they unknowingly repeat behaviour that was done to them cause that’s all they know. Childhood seems like such a small part of our lives but it impacts everything we do in adulthood. The original post talks about truth or love but why speak your truth and judge your kids in adulthood when you fucked them up in childhood

[chris_987]

But what the metric for success? If kids are more lost than ever and feel lazy and don't feel motivated to work, then could you blame the lack of discipline from parents? Even if you raise your kids in the way you want, would you blame yourself if you kids still come out more messed up than you?

[Anonymous]

Why not both? I’d tell her what I think and we’d talk about it, but if she’s set on doing it because she loves it then I’d suppory even though I don’t agree with the choice. If she was doing it for any other reason than loving what she does, then I’d do my best to help get her out of that situation.

[chris_987]

I'm glad you said that because I'm willing to bet the major of women prioritize feels of right or wrong, so something could be wrong but as long as it makes you feel good then it ok. Kinda of a Dangerous way to live life if you ask me

[Changiis07]

Tell her the truth when it's something I do not approve of

[chris_987]

So In your world truth Trump's love?

[Changiis07]

Tough love, if you love someone you wouldn't want to see them go down the wrong path so it's a form of love as well

[chris_987]

They don't see it that way, and you have to be a very confident person to give love in a angry way and still expect the child to learn from there mistakes.

[Changiis07]

I mean parents have to tell them the truth of what they approve of or not, but at the end of the day they will have to learn on their own just when it comes to stripping it's an easy target for men to take advantage of a woman so it's something that women in the industry need to be careful because bad stuff happens

[chris_987]

Your definitely right

[Guy13]

I am partial to Truth.