Why being a nice person does not work at all?

[Anonymous]

In my workplace, 500 people love me so much. But only girls that i was into never loved me, they only say that i can be a friend to them only. (I mean different times by "girls" in Total, not multiple girls at the same time)

Why do girls hate good guys? Even though I am semi bastard, and crack lots of rude jokes to them and they laugh, but deep inside they know i am a harmless and a very good guy.

[ZXCwWRQWz]

A problem I find with notions of kindness these days among some Western people is that it all too often seems to confuse telling people what they want to hear with being nice.

For example, when I was a little boy here in Japan, one time I went to my best friend's house. He was pretty chubby and overweight and so, while his mother starting serving me second bowl of rice, he asked for another and she refused him because he was too fat. Then he asked why I get two bowls and she said it's because I'm very slim while he is too fat. Then I told her I was full even though I wasn't because I didn't want to eat extra bowl of rice in front of him and make him feel bad and I had adequate nutrients already from the one bowl.

Even though this will probably culturally shock many Western people where they think my friend's mother was mean and "fat-shaming", I think his mother was really kind. After all, he become super slim and even very athletic by the time we became teenagers thanks to his parents looking out for his long-term interest to be healthy.

That is how true kindness looks to me is his mother who loved him enough to refuse him a second bowl of rice. My parents did similar thing even though I didn't have a weight problem. I used to only make average grades when I was in primary school. So they did not allow me to play with other kids including that best friend and required me to study when I made a bad score on test. I resented it as a little boy but I think that was actually really kind in hindsight. They were looking out for my long-term interests even though it contradicted my short-term interests to play more and study less.

I think too many Western people have confused being kind with saying what people want to hear. I don't want to make this accusation to you but that's the general problem with "nice" as I see it in the West.

[ZXCwWRQWz]

Agreeableness is not kindness. If you find a woman and you don't think her haircut suits her face, you are not being kind to her telling her it's a wonderful haircut. If she loves some song and you are attracted to her, you are not being nice to her if you say you like that song too unless you actually do

Assertiveness without intended meanness is kindness as I see it more and more now as I get older. And emphasis on "intended meanness", because being truly kind the way I recommend will make some people think you are a jerk despite your intentions. But never let those people sway you into being an ass-kissing doormat of a nice guy who just strives to say what you think people want to hear.

[PragmaticProfit]

Simply being polite isn't the pinnacle of virtue. It's a basic requirement for interacting in a socially acceptable way. If your most prominent characteristic is just being nice, then that's underwhelming. It's not that women dislike 'good guys', they just prefer a man who can assert his opinion and unwaveringly stands for something. They are attracted to confidence, charisma, and leadership. You appear to be a very agreeable person, which can unfortunately be a significant disadvantage for men. You'd do well to focus on developing these traits instead of complaining about supposed immorality in women. Moreover, a man who is completely harmless lacks appeal. Women desire a man who demonstrates strength, almost like a fearsome beast or monster. They simultaneously want that same man to use his formidable capabilities for the greater good and to protect her.

[inhua]

it's often claimed that good personalities are the most important yet a good personality being a basic requirement minimizes it's importance overall compared to other factors

not taking a jab at you specifically but often there's a contradiction with such mixed messages based on the phrases alone

[Nikki1989]

Usually, the guys that think they are the good guys have terrible personalities.

[rachel776]

auresnotes.com/no-more-mr-nice-guy-summary-robert-glover

[UniquelyBasic]

The "Nice Guys" are usually desperate, clingy losers who fake being nice to sleep with women. Women don't hate a genuinely nice person who treats them with respect.

[richardcory]

Girls don't hate good guys. But if you want them to be attracted to you, you need to be more than good, you need to be interesting in some way

[BlackJeep]

Being liked at work means nothing. Be respected. Can't be both at work. I don't care if my employees don't like me, they like working for me. Big difference

[Unknown29]

You probably come off as desperate. Girls unconsciously are not attracted to desperate guys.

[KrakenAttackin]

You make them laugh but fuck boys make them cum.

[Hyaz11t]

Just stay the way you are if u only give , cause the more u give the more fake they become