Girls, What does it actually mean when a woman says we have nothing in common?

[Anonymous]

I've had a couple of women say this to me, and in both cases I know for a fact we had things in common. Obviously, the women just weren't interested in dating me, but I'm curious to hear a woman's perspective on this.

When you tell a guy that you don't have anything in common with him, is that code for "you don't excite me?"

If not, what does it mean?

[_Maya_]

Well they are possibly trying to dodge you becase they don't want to date. The other possbility is that while you do have some things in common you don't have things in common that are really important to them. Maybe the things in common that you have are trivial to them and don't mean much. That is one other possbility. What you find important they might not.

[Asker]

Interesting... I guess that answers my question, but I'm not sure how to apply that to my situation to get any more clarity about what happened.

[_Maya_]

That is the tough part. It is all going to be speculation at this point because I doubt the are going to be honest and transparent... plus how would you know, right?

[Asker]

Exactly... and she blocked me, so it's not like the contact would be welcome at all. What ticks me off a little about this is that it really feels like I spent however many months talking with this person who I guess isn't anything that she represented herself to be. So I'm sitting here like... well... we had these fantastic dates even though you lied to me. So, if you aren't who you said you are, and we still had a great time anyway... what'd you lie about, why, and who the heck are you?

[_Maya_]

Yeah I get it. Both genders can do that same thing. Sucks no matter who does it. There should be no reason to lie to someone. Just be straight up with people or this sort of shit happens and you feel lost. It's a shame she did that.

[Asker]

It really is a shame... there was just reason to handle things how she did. You'd think she would want to set the record straight after seeing that I was honest with her. She looked pretty uncomfortable when she told me that she hadn't been on the level with me. Do you think embarrassment might have had something to do with her shutting things down between us? I know I shouldn't fixate on this, but I'm struggling with the idea that everything was total bullshit.

[Asker]

*just no reason to handle things the way she did

[_Maya_]

No there was no reason to handle things the way she did. Embarassment absolutely could have played a part. I would be embarassed for acting that way.

[Asker]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Hopefully this isn't the end of the story, but I don't know how it could be anything but the end lol

The world works in mysterious ways.

[_Maya_]

You are welcome and yes it does work in mysterious ways.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they think you’re not a good match for them. Either not feeling physical or mental attraction. Maybe you’re too nice, maybe not nice enough. Maybe you try too hard, or are too distant. There could be the possibility that they think your values are different, like if you come across as pushy, judgmental, unkind, selfish, mean with money, overly suspicious of her, scared of intimacy and commitment, unsure of what you want, not respecting her boundaries or going on and on about every woman you meet who dresses nicely being a gold digger and bragging about your wealth and private schooling. All of that puts me off a guy.

[ShesRad80]

I think its a nicer way of saying they are not interested you or they may really feel you dont have enough in common form their POV

[BunBun369]

Literally what she said. Or you're not attractive to her and thats nicer than ew lol I don't know really.