Why do most people want attention. but when you do show them too much attention? They get very shy and clam up or Push you away?

[Anonymous]

[normalice]

It is the sort of attention they were after. Like, imagine you went to the gym every day because you wanted a girl to give you some physical attention. But then after you are finally in really good shape, all the women you meet just want you to listen to them complain about their boyfriend. That's still attention but it's not the attention you were after and as it dawns on you that the more these girls complain to you about their boyfriend the more likely it is you're just helping them cope with staying with the guy, eventually you are going to conclude they "using you" and push them away.

Everyone has a way they could give attention to others that they don't really think about but someone out there is desperate to have it without offering anything in return. For girls -particularly younger girls - it's usually sex - they don't really think about whether or not they want sex with a guy until the guy pushes for it. And then once it's clear that's all the guy was after, the girl feels used. And men are similarly blind sided by women who want their attention only to complain about their boyfriends - or other nonsexual things. I'm going to say 89% of people who push others away are people realizing that the person they were trying to get the attention of doesn't even have the channels dug in their mind to allow the sort of attention they wanted to flow. Another 10% are people who realize they don't have their own channels dug to give someone who is pursuing them the attention they want, and have no desire to dig them.

In so many words they realize they are incompatible. And there is generally nothing wrong with that. However, sometimes the attention someone wants isn't unreasonable to expect of a "more than friend" and it takes some growing to learn how to provide it. But then it turns out that person is unwilling to grow, instead expecting you to change what kind of attention you want >and< what kind of attention you give. That's a self absorbed person and the remaining 1% leave them.

[Evananswersquestions]

I'm a man so I may not be the target audience but I often behave this way so I will answer anyway. I tend to get ignored if I'm myself so I act out a bit to get attention, usually positive attention via humor. This works out well for me because I enjoy the attention but it can really take me off guard when someone gives me attention without me even having to try. I know it sounds awful and hypocritical but it can come off as creepy when people dont even make you try to get their attention.

[Lofivibefi]

Could be a self esteem issue. They may be shy and intorverted. Some times people end up getting scared of their feelings. Maybe she likes you and is unsure that you like her. Fear of rejection. Some people are advoident so you need a lot of patience and understanding. If you come on too strong that may make them more fearful. I suggest researching attachment styles. Bottom line, if you like someone you should just be open and honest about it, if they reject you then at least you know. A lot of us make too many assumptions but, the reality is you never know how someone really feels about you unless you ask or unless they tell you. Good luck 🤞

[BLP11520]

I don’t know, maybe they have been hurt in the past and are being careful

[shades777]

sounds like an assumption, you do a study on this?

[In_Trance]

it's not the attention they want