Do you think it takes mental strength to accept the fact that you aren't attractive?

[Anonymous]

I think I'm unattractive and I accept it with grace. I'm not ashamed or embarassed about it. I don't feel bad about it.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the person. A person who is lifelong unattractive is definitely conditioned to it. But someone who was once attractive but either gained weight, got old or tragically got in a disfiguring accident is going to have a much tougher time adjusting to it.

Personally I’ve gotten older and I know I don’t look like the cute baby faced yet athletic guy I once was. In my prime most women considered me an 8 or even 9 on my best days.

I am still in great physically shape and got all my hair. But I know my face has aged and I am not baby faced anymore. Now I have to accept I am around a 7. 6 on my bad days and maybe an 8 if I am professionally dressed up and looking my best all considered

However the thing I am struggling to accept is I was usually the “nice guy” and thoughtful in my young good looking days. I was nice to the “big” girls. I was nice and respectful to older women. Won’t claim I was always perfect but overall I know I did not abuse the looks I had back then. I could been a manwhore. I could have been a cheater. I could been a loudmouth asshole. But I was never any of those types of guys

But did I get good karma for it? Not really. Nowadays I have to be extra careful not to stare to long at a young attractive woman. It’s risky to even say hello to them.

10-15 years ago I never had to worry about being labeled “a creep”. I could stare an extra moment. I could say hello to any women. Even the taken women wouldn’t get upset if approached them. I got a pass from women back then just because I was “cute”. But again I did not abuse it. I was usually very friendly and maybe “flirty” but I was never aggressive nor inappropriate. I was raised to respect women.

But nowadays I know I’ve been unfairly labeled “a creep” a few times just for staring an extra moment. So now I have to be extra careful. If i was a dbag in my younger good looking days I would deserve that treatment but i wasn’t. It really pisses me off.

[slatyb]

Why do you believe you are unattractive? I felt the same way in my 20's. So did my wife. Looking back at photos from that time, I see two very attractive people. My wife must have been the beauty of her high school class -- she certainly is today and draws attention whenever we're out.

[Asker]

because when you compare any 49 yr old to a 20 yr old. the 20 yr old would always look better. it doesn't necessarily mean you were good looking at 20

[slatyb]

I realize that. I'm comparing us to other people in their 20's. There's a picture of my wife in high school looking like a Calvin Klein model.

[Asker]

your wife might be beautiful only because she's your wife. if she weren't, she probably wouldn't be beautiful. No man ever says their wife isn't beautiful. remember that

[slatyb]

I get that, but I'm pretty objective about this. Everyone thinks she's beautiful. She turns heads when we're out. Great figure, very youthful face.

[Asker]

every husband or boyfriend says that. i promise. I've heard it so many times.

[Asker]

the "everyone says that" line... trust me... i've heard it over and over and over again so many times through the years.
Truth is... even if nobody says it, he will still say it happens.

[slatyb]

You are entitled to your opinion but I've had other partners who were more ordinary looking, and one other who was extremely attractive. I'm not going to post a picture here, but you are quite wrong. She frequently is complimented by strangers, and was by far the most attractive woman at her last high school reunion -- I was there.

[CoolCatMar1]

Well my boyfriend also thinks i am Gorgeous and i hear it everyday so yep it does happen

[CoolCatMar1]

I mean many people say that to me

[Asker]

@slatyb

I knew of a guy who had a girlfriend who loved to wear vintage dresses. Whenever someone complimented his girlfriend on her dress, he would go bragging around that his girlfriend is sooo pretty. When I looked at her, she was the most average looking girl on earth.

[slatyb]

Maybe she was, but I see a lot of women around and my wife is outstandingly attractive.

[Asker]

@slatyb

who wouldn't say their wife isn't outstandingly attractive?

My father is 65, been married to my mother, 65, for 35 years and he still calls her beautiful.

[Asker]

@slatyb

but reality is... not every wife can be stunningly beautiful.

[Screenwriter]

I've got an issue with "unattractive." You might not be conventionally "pretty", but "unattractive" is a horse of a different color.

There are many people who aren't handsome or pretty who are very attractive. We can't all be Chris Evanses or Erykah Badus! They hit the genetic lottery.

But there are plenty of pretty and handsome people who are NOT attractive. If it's only skin deep, that pretty wears thin real quick.

When I think of someone who wasn't handsome as a younger man, I think of Bill Clinton. He has a goofy nose, a big head, his eyes are too close-set, he was too chunky.

BUT, he is a highly intelligent man, has beautiful blue eyes, great hair, the hands of a violinist or concert pianist, and one of the sexiest voices around. When he said, "I feel your pain," he sounded sincere. And he had women falling out of trees to get in his pants!

If you just LOOKED at him, you'd go, "WHAT?" But if you were around him, he oozed personality, intelligence and warmth. THAT IS ATTRACTIVE. His oddball parts didn't add up to handsome. But attractive: Had it hands down.

So I think you should evaluate what is actually ATTRACTIVE ABOUT YOU. You don't have to be good-looking to be attractive.

Look at a list of movie stars who are attractive, but NOT good looking in a general sense. Think of Daniel Craig. Not good looking. But he pulled off the James Bond thing with great aplomb. And what a body. And in interviews he comes across as self-effacing and sweet. No big head about him. Charming is attractive.

Good-looking---PSHAW. Attractive is what's more important. And there are so many ways to BE attractive. Good luck.

[Asker]

bill clinton was not an unattractive man.

[Screenwriter]

In my opinion, he is not classically attractive. He had attractive "sections." The ones I've cited.

But, his attraction lay in "the whole package." Not a pretty-perfect picture like Henry Cavill or Brad Pitt. They are "classically" attractive. As people, I have no idea. But Clinton's attractiveness lay in his charm, intelligent,. He has funny little eye holes, a teeny mouth, a goofy nose. Great hair! Very tall. Lovely hands. Bee you ti ful voice and a sincere manner. THAT is his attractiveness...

[Asker]

if this was really true, millionares wouldn't be marrying women 20 years younger. Old men wouldn't be looking to marry wives 20 years younger

[Screenwriter]

Rich old men can get pretty young girls who want money. This has little to do with these girls' ultimate human worth.

Guy just wants a hot body and maybe some children. They don't think about how ultimately attractive this girl is. They're only looking at the surface. Trophy wife. And older guys have their own lives in work, their own male and other friends. They don't need the trophy wife. Arm candy.

A few might actually marry women who are substantial. Seems like Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones who are 25 years apart, have been married 23 years. He was 53 and she was 28 when they married. Not an old man. And recently Chris Evans, 42, has married a 26 year old. Again. Not an old man and she's not a child either.

[IslaTheWitch]

It's not so easy.

So, there are at least two points of view:
- mine
- others; and every person is different, so let's assume they see us differently, so we have about 8 billion points of view... a lot :D

If you are not attractive and accept this, then the situation is clear for everyone, and no one really cares because they will look for other qualities in you.

It's much worse if you are attractive (at least in the way the other 8 billion of fellow people see you) and you still accept the fact you are not. It would create something called cognitive dissonance in other people. It's a strange feeling when something totally does not match our beliefs. In such situations, people rather back off because they don't know the source of this disturbing feeling.

If we go further, we can think of a situation where you think you accept the situation, but in reality, you seek confirmation that you look okay or even pretty. It's hard to handle social situations. People would be happy to confirm you are OK once or twice, but such a need doesn't disappear. So you will repeat the actions which bring you relief, but at the same time, you will make more and more people leave you because of it.

The only really working solution (hardest to achieve but working as a charm) is to love myself unconditionally and without any judgment. I'm still not there :D

[Asker]

often times, lack of physical attraction is enough to call the entire courtship off.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I deem myself as average, I looked much better without my nose broken and before my birthmark spots appeared on my forehead and cheekbones as a result of tanning. Had to learn how to be the odd one in my family, where my mother, father or brother were always complimented for their amazing looks.

Now though, I am happy being who I am. It kinda sucked to get my birthmarks appear at the age of 18 when I was already kind of confident in myself and had to learn being comfortable in my skin again. They are birthmarks because they were always part of me, they just cause discoloration as a result of tanning or stress or etc.

I still do fine, I do often get offered jobs that can advertise my looks, means I am charismatic enough to be unconventional and charming.

I actually plan to become somewhat of a success and then take of the make up and show girls my birthmarks to let them know that “Not all of women are conventionally beautiful, but you can still carry yourself with grace, you can still own the room when you go in, you can still be charming and charismatic. Charisma comes from your eyes, not from your conventional beauty”.

[Rei13]

I suppose. I’ve always seen myself as an average pretty. I know I’m not the prettiest person in the room but I don’t feel like I am ugly either. I think it’s just accepting yourself for as you are and not putting yourself down either. Beauty is subjective, you could be beautiful to most people but ugly to others or ugly to most but beautiful to others. It is what it is

[Asker]

you can't "not put yourself down" if you accept the fact you are ugly.

[Rei13]

I mean you can still like yourself regardless of what you look like

[Asker]

Yea but admitting you're unattractive is a negative thing

[Asker]

Life is not always positive, it doesn't have to be

[Rei13]

I think for me it is okay to acknowledge negative things but still being able to like yourself and not view yourself as less for something out of your control. If you’re ugly, for example, it’s like okay cool I am not pretty but I have *insert strength here*.

[Asker]

true acceptance is when it doesn't hurt your feelings when you acknowledge you are unattractive. So you wouldn't even need to try to make up for your unattractiveness. why? you wouldn't need it either way

[Anonymous]

I think a person who's unattractive has to look at the positives. Most people in life do not like you whether you're attractive or ugly. Most people see you as a pawn in thier life to be exploited as they see necessary. So even if you are attractive Most will just see that as something to be exploited.

I'm not that attractive. I made my peace with that long ago. But as I have gotten older so have the women. I'm still not attractive to them. But now they have less options and they see me as an income to be exploited on top of that. But they don't realize how obvious they are about it. Or maybe they do and they just don't care.😆 Either way, all I'm saying is if I hadn't been blessed by being ugly I might have linked up with one of these terrible people long ago. So when you think about it being ugly can be a blessing in disguise. Try to see the glass as half full.

[Flatmanlewis]

It takes strength, sure, but I’d also stand to reason that you are probably more attractive than you realize. We all tend to be harder on ourselves and, if you happen to bump into one or two assholes in life with big mouths, it can fortify doubt and make it feel like fact.

[jshm2]

No. Quite the opposite, attractive people need to be mentally strong.

Not least because they are most likely to be raped, exploited and abused. But they need to work through a lot of barriers quite often.

[Asker]

ugly people have wayy more barriers than attractive people.

[Sirenboobzilla]

Unattractive is a strong word, and negative. However there is strength in accepting yourself before anyone else does.

[Asker]

not everyone can admit they are ugly

[Sirenboobzilla]

I have spoken

[Thestupidusername]

No I know I'm not attractive😂

I'm avarage at best... probblaby a 2/10 if even that.. but at least I can die knowing I was a good person whenever my time runs out

[PeachyPie93]

Yeah probably. I still have a hard time accepting I am not that pretty. It can take a toll on your mental health, that is for sure.

[syncheart]

I'm not attractive and I know it. Nothing I can do about it either. I'm not over weight, but my face is ugly, and the way my hair grows is ugly too.

[Dargil]

You choose to live your life and make IT attractive.

[Asker]

why is it so hard to accept that not everyone's life is attractive?

[BlissfullyCurSed]

it took me around... ten years... I am still trying to change, but nothing's happening.

[Nikki1989]

If you have the right amount of confidence, none of that stuff matters.

[leahzrc]

Yes it help me make other people feel better about themselves

[getwiththepg]

There’s no such thing without said person trying to change. I became attractive after high school but I’m still trying to adjust

[Unit1]

I think after enough time there won't be anything else left to believe, so.

[DreamLife7]

I can't relate. But I will say being attractive isn't ALWAYS fun. I don't like being hounded by men and when u reject them they get psycho

[LiamJHayden]

I know I'm no male model, but who cares? I'm fun and outgoing and have few problems.

[Blueeyes81]

To accept it, no. To be love yourself, yes. But that goes for anyone really.

[Anonymous]

I think it takes a level of humility at least. I know it's been pound into my head, after a while it's just there. It is what it is I suppose

[grega239]

No. I grew up being told im not so its not really a problem.

[OddBeMe]

Sounds like incels “accepting” they’ll remain virgins. Bitching.

[Lyndsielee666]

My body dysmorphia helps with that

[CoolCatMar1]

Yes i think it does!!

[Anonymous]

What does unattractive mean?

[Drumlin2001]

Nope. Is quite easy

[TiaNour]

Yeah lol