We are in a relationship, so before it started, I had to go to another place that is almost 3000kms away from both my place and my girlfriend's place. I went there for studies, and at that time, we didn't have a strong bond or connection. However, we still talked every day. During that time, I started talking to one of my batchmates, but I didn't tell my girlfriend much about it. We continued talking every day, and after 4 months, I returned to my place. We started hanging out about 3-4 days a week, and our connection and bond grew stronger. Yesterday, she asked me for my Instagram ID and password. I gave it to her, and she saw the girl's messages in my DMs. She became angry and accused me of not opening the chats. She taunted me, saying that I told her not to have a guy best friend, but I clarified that I only meant she shouldn't have a guy best friend, but she could still talk to guys without any problem. She is upset about it, and I blocked and deleted the other girl's messages. Now she is even more angry, thinking that I deleted the chats because something was wrong. To be honest, the other girl from my batch had feelings for me, and I made some mistakes by talking to her, considering I already have a girlfriend. Now I regret it. I want to know how to handle this situation and what the outcome will be. I deleted the chats because if she reads them all, she will be angry, and we might end up breaking up. I don't want that to happen, and I am solely focused on her. I am not interested in any other girl. What should i do and how to handle the situation. Emergency!!!
3 mo
She is getting jealous or what?
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Ugh, man, I'm sorry this is such a mess. But honestly, I don't blame her for being upset either - you didn't exactly handle things well. A few things:
- Should have told her about talking to that girl from the start, before you were official. Sneaking around looks shady now.
- Deleting the chats made it 1000x worse. Now it really does seem like you're hiding something.
- Can't tell her not to have guy friends if you're out here talking to other girls daily yourself. That's such a double standard.
My advice:
- Be fully honest now about what was said with that girl, even if it sucks for her to hear. Trickle-truthing will destroy the trust.
- Let her see the messages if she wants, don't try controlling the situation. Own your mistake.
- Give her space if she needs it. Breaks ups suck and the trust is broken, it may not be fixable overnight.
- Commit to changing your behavior. No more sneaking around girls behind her back!
- Couples counseling could help too if she's willing, to work on communication.
I know you care about her - now you gotta prove it with actions, not words. Be patient, this will take time to rebuild. Fingers crossed she's willing to forgive, but accept it if not. Learn and grow from this bro.
I can’t tell her everything now because it’s too late
She will be so pissed and she will absolutely break up
Man this is rough, but coming totally clean is probably the best approach even if it risks her breaking up. Not telling her everything now will just prolong the lying and doom the relationship anyway down the line once the full truth comes out.
My advice would be to take responsibility, say you made a really big mistake talking to the other girl so much and hiding stuff, but you want to be fully upfront with her now to try and start to regain her trust, even if it may mean the end. Better than her finding out more damaging details later.
Be honest about your feelings - that you care about this girl and don't want to lose her but screwed up. Then let her make the call on what she needs to rebuild trust or if it's over. Yeah it might go badly, but hiding stuff will only drag it out. Face it head on and hope she sees you're trying even if it's too late. Otherwise the distrust will eat away at it. I know it's scary man, but honesty is the only move left. You got this!
She is telling me to we have two options that either make it casual or breakup I don’t want any of it and making it casual will ruin it all and make things more worse and I can’t loose her anyhow and she is talking to me but she is saying u don’t matter to me now do what ever you want and I don’t care and i am telling her give me last chance it is worth the shot and will make things better I can’t live like that
Man, that really sucks dude. Breakups are the worst. But from what you're saying, it really sounds like your girl's mind is pretty made up this time.
As hard as it is, I think you need to accept that it might be over and respect her decision. Begging for another chance usually doesn't work once they've checked out emotionally. You don't want to push her further away or look desperate, you know?
The best thing you can do is give her some space and really think about what you've learned from this experience. Focus on improving yourself so you don't repeat the same mistakes next time. Hit the gym, hang with your friends, pick up a new hobby - do what you need to heal too.
There's a chance that with time and space, she may feel differently and want to talk. But for now you have to let her go, man. Anything you say is probably just going to make it worse. She needs to see that you can handle this with dignity before she'll take you seriously again.
I know it hurts bad, but stay strong. Time will help - I promise. This isn't the end, just a new beginning. You've got this!
Her feelings are 100% justified. I would recommend telling her the whole truth, including how you knew she had feelings for you and continued talking to her anyways, and hope she's the forgiving type. The fact that you deleted the messages already sowed a seed of distrust which is detrimental to any relationship. Keep in mind that if she feels the apology is insincere things could go downhill really fast.