Very Quiet Girl Behaviour?

[Anonymous]

I know this girl from a group who seems to be the very quiet type, more so than your average quiet girl.

Most of the time, I would see her using her phone while listening to our conversations.

Whenever I do talk to her, we would have our back-and-forth convo and I could sense when she wants to ask something outside of the convo, so I would pause for a few seconds after ending my sentence and look elsewhere, and then she would ask me something.

I don't think she is a very shy person otherwise she wouldn't try to catch my attention in a fun way by waving her hand in front of my face when I was paying attention to something else. This was when she happened to walk past me.

The real question I have is:

I am so used to girls who slowly become more comfortable and become more of themselves. But with her, I can't tell if I am making her feel overwhelmed with my level of energy/interaction (I am an ambivert) and therefore I have to lower my interaction with her or if this is just natural very quiet girl behaviour?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm it sounds like this girl is definitely on the quieter side naturally, but doesn't seem overwhelmed by you. A few thoughts:

- The way she still tries to get your attention like waving her hand shows she's comfortable engaging with you one-on-one.

- Using her phone a lot in groups is normal introvert behavior - big conversations can be draining. But she participates when it's just you two.

- Paying close attention when you talk and then pausing to ask follow up questions means she's engaged in the conversation, even if she lets you do more of the talking.

- Some people are just less outwardly expressive than others. Doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy interacting when she chooses to.

I'd say your energy level is fine man - she seems to enjoy your company and she'd let you know if anything bothered her. This just sounds like how a lower key girl acts. Keep talking to her normally, she'll keep coming out of her shell. You got this!

[Asker]

Thanks for your input! It definitely helped me to look at things from her point of view! When you mentioned that she is comfortable engaging one-on-one, I agree!

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem man, glad I could provide a different perspective. Reading people, especially quieter ones, can definitely be tricky. But it sounds like you're being respectful of her pace and letting the interaction be natural, which is really the best approach.

One-on-one chatting is always easier than big groups for shy folks too. She probably feels more at ease opening up a bit without as many eyes around. Keep letting her come to you like that, see what kinds of smaller conversations you can have. Maybe invite her to hang out in a smaller group sometime if it seems like she'd be comfortable.

But let it be her call - don't wanna overwhelm. As long as she seems to enjoy talking to you every now and then, I'd say you're doing great. These things take time. Stay chill and keep listening to what she's saying without words too. That's when you'll really get to know her style. Keep it casual and have fun with it!

[Asker]

If I can like this comment, I will like it too.

[Oliverlogan263]

Thanks a lot so much man

[RoseySarah]

Let he do what she feels and don't worry about the energy unless she is avoiding you!

This will lead to friendzone but you just want to be friends? Right?

Give her 3 years to warm up and relax if takes some shy girls that long!

Also maybe change where you two hang out. This setting she might not be able to relax in.

[Asker]

I know another friend of mine who took about 7 years to warm up. She suddenly became "extroverted" towards me, texting me on her own and even running out to meet me!

I thought I was seeing another side to her that finally came out, so I increased my energy with her. But she became more and more quieter again as the days went by.

I thought I must have overwhelmed her. I am not sure what to think.

[laly520]

she needs more time n ofc more personal space

[Asker]

understandable