Girls, Do you date based on trauma and not common interests?

[Anonymous]

Would you only date a guy if he shared a similar traumatic event in his life

[DishLady]

No absolutely not. Who wants to base a life on shared trauma?


I mean, if they happen to have a shared experience (divorce, service, etc.) then that might impact where or how they meet, but it shouldn’t be the foundation of their relationship! You need something positive to sow the seeds of love between two people.

[Asker]

Yeah this girl broke up with me and was like I’m gonna find someone else who has trauma

[DishLady]

That's SO odd. But actually I do know someone who was going out with a girl and the girl was hospitalized for the summer (mental institution). He went to visit her, etc. etc. (all the nice, sweet things a really good guy would do). When she was let out he was so happy and went to pick her up and she said he was too stressful to be around because she felt pressured to be happy...

Now she's wallowing in a miserable relationship because that's what she thinks she deserves... and he was so affected by this rejection that he's having trouble trying to find a girl who he considers emotionally "safe" to date. (SMH.)

[Asker]

Yeah it’s like I didn’t live up to the abusive standards that her ex did and it’s as if because of that I wasn’t good enough. She would hit me and try to provoke me into hitting her she would call me horrible names. Towards the end of the relationship she starting saying she missed things her ex was doing and the dude was abusive he pressured her into sexual acts I was good to this girl even through the abuse I wouldn’t hit her back wouldn’t call her names

[dustybiker2]

I would assume the attraction is still either there or it's not. Shared trauma is going to give people a connection, but doesn't solidify attraction.

[Asker]

So she broke up with me and was like I’m gonna find someone else with trauma

[Nessie6]

It would definitely make me feel closer and like I have someone to share that with. Initially it would make me want to date you yeah. Common interests play a big part too but that Initial connection would be the trauma i think

[Asker]

Yeah she only dated me for that then when I didn’t let her hit me and call me names or be like her ex boyfriend who mistreated women and pressured her into sexual actions she broke up with me

[Nessie6]

Ah my friend, I think the break up is the best thing that could have happened to you. You deserve so much more! You don't need to be in a relationship where you are being abused verbally or physically. I promise you there are such beautiful people out there that you will find and can be loved and happy with none of that.

[Asker]

Why is it though I feel so alone and empty like being honest this was my only relationship I don’t have my friends or a social circle

[Nessie6]

I am sorry you feel alone 😔 no-one should ever feel like that. Maybe you should start by joining something in your community, people that might have the same interest as you?

It's hard at first you want the relationship back because its familiar or comfortable but it's not a good relationship to be in. You need a fresh start

[HappyWoman34]

Nope.

[Asker]

Yeah this girl broke up me and was like I’m gonna find another guy who has trauma

[HappyWoman34]

That’s strange.

[Asker]

Her previous relationship the guy pressured her into sexual acts