Why is my friend randomly being so rude to me and picking a fight?

[Anonymous]

So a few days ago I was having a normal conversation with my friend, we were texting about school stuff but then randomly she got mad at something SHE brought up and is now basically taking it out on me? Like first she unfollowed me... for what? I have no clue. Then the next day I was thinking like "it was probably just something in the moment" because ngl she always kinda does this but usually in a joking manner, so I texted her about something and she just replied very brief response, so I responded like "ok, nvm then". AND THEN omg she says "don't talk to me", like? I left that on read because what else was I gonna do, didn't even plan on texting her again but then she texts me to complain about her parter for this assignment, who by the way is also one of my friends. At that point I was kinda mad and just said like "oh now you wanna talk to me", and then she responds that I'm always taking the other friends side... Like I don't even know how all this came up but I just gave her a piece of my mind, basically saying that I'm not the one who started being rude and I'm not gonna talk shit about anyone bc its your guys problem. And now, omfgggg she's like, when did I talk shit you're just overly protective. I actually got pissed off by that, haven't responded yet because what do I say to that? Sure, maybe its not technically "talking shit" but she gossips about people A LOT, and not in exactly a good way (including said friend ahem).

Anyways, what do I even say at this point, like I need to show her that I'm not just gonna be there when she wants to complain or that I'll just brush off her bitchy behavior when shit like this happens.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl that whole thing sounds just messy and immature. I wouldn't give her petty drama the satisfaction of another response. Seems like she's in her feelings about something else and just taking it out on you which ain't cool.

If it was me, I'd just leave her on read and let her come to her senses. She'll either realize she was being a brat and apologize, or keep acting a fool - but either way you don't need that negative energy.

You got enough going on without stressing over her mood swings, ya feel me? Let her vent to someone else for a change. Don't justify or argue, just disengage for now. One day she'll grow up hopefully.

Till then focus on your real ones who got your back no matter what. This too shall pass sis!

[Asker]

yeah, I've just ignored her response because clearly something is going on with her and I don't really wanna take her disrespect anymore. honestly you're right, I'll just wait to see if she actually realizes her own behavior lol.
thanks~

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah man no problem. Good call just leaving her on read for now. She'll either realize she's being dumb and apologize, or she won't. But either way you don't need to waste your time arguing about it.

Just do you for a bit. Hang with other friends, work on your hobbies, play some ball or games or whatever. Don't even think about her drama. She'll see you out living your best life without her bothering you, and maybe that'll help her get her head on straight. But don't hold your breath waiting for it either.

Just do your own thing and have fun. That's the best way to handle people when they start acting up. Shows you ain't worried about it and you don't need them. Maybe in a few days or week she'll chill out. But if not, then forget about it and find some new people to kick it with who appreciate you. Hope it works out!

[Asker]

Hi again! I don't know if you'll see this, but I was hoping for your opinion on this update:

So it's been almost a week since this whole thing started, we haven't spoken to each other since, either in person or text. I only have one class with her anyway, so its not that bad but now that class has become pretty awkward and confusing?

It's hard to describe so I'll just explain -- so basically I have 3 friends in this class, 1 from before and the other 2 I met in this class, but my old friend was friends with the other person before as well (not the girl that was rude to me, we all became friends with her in this class). But this other person (the one who's friends with my old friend) was like randomly ignoring me and the rude girl, and my old friend told me it was just because of the rude girl. BUT, since the rude girl couldn't talk to me anymore she sat with the guy who was ignoring us and now they're all like laughing and chatting all class. Is it just me, or that doesn't make sense? Like either he's really bad at ignoring or maybe he's actually ignoring me? The thing is I didn't do anything wrong with him, he actually only complained about the rude girl though before. So now I only talk to my old friend while she's like in-between all our conversations.

I hate that she was the one who was being rude to me, apparently being avoided because this guy doesn't like her, yet somehow I'm the one sitting in the corner while the others talk to each other... Like I'm ignoring her because she deserves it but of course instead of teaching her something out of that, it just isolates me, just my luck 😭.

Anyways I'm sorry if that was confusing or just sounded like a rant, but I really don't know what to make of it all, or what to do from here. I'd really appreciate some input!!!

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn man, that's some real confusing ass drama right there. Middle school stuff can really mess with your head sometimes.

From the sounds of it, this other dude is being a real flake too. If he's really gonna ignore you just cause of what some girl said, then forget him. Shows he ain't much of a friend to begin with if he's gonna change up on you over gossip or whatever.

I feel you on not wanting to isolate yourself in class though. That sucks big time. Maybe just try chatting with your boy from before like normal. Act like nothing's changed so that girl and the other dude see they ain't getting to you.

If they start talking loud over you and your boy, I'd just straight up tell em to shut it since you were there first. Or maybe try talking to the teacher about switching seats if things stay weird. You ain't done nothing wrong, so you shouldn't have to be the one feeling left out.

Just hold your head up and don't let these fools bring you down with their he-said she-said mess. Keep it cool with your real friends and don't give em the time of day otherwise. It'll blow over before you know it once they find new drama to be into. You got this!

[Asker]

I agree, that's a good idea and you make good points! I have to admit though I had a bit of misunderstanding with the guy who was "ignoring me" lol, he was sitting kinda far compared to usual to avoid this rude girl but it end up being far from me too and he only was talking to her bc she wouldn't stop. Anyways we're chill now. And I always talk to my old friend in class too!

The thing is, I was gonna just confront this girl in class one day when both my other friends weren't there but the whole class was like dead silent that day and I didn't want everyone to hear the drama lmaoo. So I didn't say anything, but the weird part is that she randomly asked me that day if I finished the assignment we got last week... And nothing else even till now.

Thankfully I'm not feeling as isolated anymore, but I can really see that this girl just isn't going to admit her fault or at least express her feelings about what happened. Both my other friends agree with my side, so I'm sure that the problem wasn't me. Now I'm just struggling to find time to confront her, since I don't wanna do it over text because I'm sure she won't have the nerve to act up as much in person, but I haven't had a good chance.

Thanks for all your help and advice up till now!!

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, drama in class is the worst. Glad you got things cleared up with that other dude at least. Nothing ruins a lesson more than having to deal with dumb beef all period.

As for confronting that girl, I feel you on not wanting the whole class eavesdropping too. That's just awkward city. Maybe try catching her after class or at lunch one day when it's not so packed around.

That's weird she asked about the assignment out of nowhere like that too. Almost seems like she's feeling guilty lowkey but doesn't wanna admit it? Typical. Either way, you gotta get your side out there at some point.

Just be straight up with her when you do get the chance. Tell her how her attitude messed with you but you're not tryna start anything, just want it cleared up. Hopefully she owns up to being moody and y'all can get past it. But you know where you stand either way then.

No point dragging it on, just get it over with when you get the opening. You got this! And let me know how it goes after if you want a second opinion on what she says. I'm always down to help out with the middle school politics haha.

[Asker]

Yo whats up! I forgot I made this post but I thought I'll leave a message in case you wanted an update lol. So basically after this some time passed where I couldn't really talk to her about it but at the year end party she kinda just started talking to me again and I didn't really push her away because we were with like all our friends and I just wanted everyone to enjoy our time. So I guess after that our friend group kinda went back to normal and I didn't say anything about it (although maybe I should have but whatever).

Anyways so the school year ends and she moves to another school but I decide to keep in touch with her over social media because I don't know I don't really like losing friends for no reason if that makes sense. But also apparently Im the only one who still talked to her lmao. And like I understand why the others don't it's just that I did also enjoy talking to her since we were pretty good friends before. I still messaged her pretty often until recently, but like yeah I could clearly see some of her weird behaviours like it's hard to describe but maybe random mood swings? Or like petty arguments? To be fair a lot of it was just banter but a lot of it was also unnecessary 💀.

[Asker]

So what happened recently is that from my perspective, she randomly started being super rude one day after I just made like a general comment about stuff that's happening (nothing personal) and like it kept getting worse so I started giving some petty comments back to her until finally I just straight up asked why she's fighting when I didn't even do anything. And this part was weird because at first she tried to play it off as her making sarcastic jokes but then admits that she got mad at me? So I ask why and she brings up something else I said DAYS ago and we kind of argue about that because it made absolutely no sense to me, and like I was pretty neutral but firm the whole time while I don't know she was actually seemed kinda ticked off or whatever. Eventually I feel like she just didn't have a response for me and told me that maybe we should break from talking for a few days.

It's been maybe a week but yeah I haven't talked to her and honestly I don't know if I will. I've never fought with any of my other friends meanwhile I've known this girl for a relatively shorter time and have fought twice already. If she reaches out maybe but meh I'm not really sure. It is kind of sad because there was a lot of stuff we talked to each other about, and I hate ending on bad terms but I guess it is what it is.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that's a whole rollercoaster of drama with your friend. It sounds like you've been trying your best to keep things cool and maintain the friendship, even after all the issues you had earlier in the school year. Props to you for being the bigger person and not cutting her off completely.

It's understandable that the rest of your friend group isn't as keen on talking to her anymore, especially after the way she was acting. But I get wanting to stay in touch, especially if you guys used to be pretty good friends. Sometimes it's worth trying to work through the bumps in the road, you know?

That said, the recent blowup where she randomly got super rude with you for no reason is a red flag. The whole "bringing up some random thing you said days ago" to start a fight is super immature. And then trying to play it off as sarcastic jokes? Nah, that ain't it.

If she's going to keep having these weird mood swings and picking fights over nothing, it might be time to take a step back for a bit. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life, especially from someone you've known for a relatively short time compared to your other friends. Those relationships are way more valuable.

I'd say give her the space she requested, and see if she reaches out to apologize or try to make things right. If she does, you can decide then if you want to keep trying to make it work. But don't feel obligated to keep putting up with her rude behavior. You deserve better friends than that.

Who knows, maybe some time apart will help her get her act together. But at the end of the day, you gotta do what's best for you, man. Don't feel bad about prioritizing the friendships that are more stable and positive. Wishing you the best with this whole situation!

[Asker]

Thanks bro. Yeah, at this point I really don't understand her behaviour like it changes so randomly but I'm so done with her blatant rudeness, and yeah I completely agree with the red flag you talked about.

I'm still giving her some space but honestly Im not even sure if she'll end up reaching out to me about anything, she's usually not the one who talks first especially after a long time of not texting and stuff. But at the same time I don't really want to be the one to do that because she's the one who suggested to take a break, and I feel it'll be random... but yeah.

I'll just focus on myself and making better friends for now, and we'll see what happens :)

[strateguy632]

"don't talk to me" is NOT rude! wtf. no insult there. short reply is not rude. if unfollow is rude for you, you have problems. because people unfollow all the time. nothing wrong with unfollow. probly she has a partner, so pushed you away , so you should find someone else

[Asker]

how is that not rude to say to your friend out of the blue when I was being nice the whole time lmao. also we're friends I'm not trying to date her 🤨