Have I lost a good friend or can our friendship continue?

[Anonymous]

A few months ago I hooked up with a friend, (H) for story purposes, we had both worked at the same pub and had been flirting for several months, however i briefly got back with my ex before anything happened (H). However the reunion with my ex was short lived and as H was leaving the pub, i liked H on hinge shortly after breaking up with my ex.

After a few days of chatting we agreed to meet up and i invited her round to my house one night, as my housemate was out for a work night out so the flat was free. Long story short we hooked up and as my flatmate was due to return shortly i made this known tk (H) and awkwardly kicked her out after we had slept together, which i regretted right away as i felt very sleazy doing this to her.

I then didn't hear from her again until she came to the pub where i still worked, however the vibe was very different with us and she didn't seem to want to look at me much and kind of ignored me which shocked me as she seemed okay when she had left mine a few nights ago.

following this, she then texted asking why i hadn't messaged and we mutally agreed that we didn't want the same thing but would still be friends.

i then didn't see her for around 2 months and only saw her for the first time properly yesterday when she visited the pub, as i was sitting outside with some regulars she waved at me and smiled at me as she walked past but didn't stop to say hi. I felt i was also smiley and friendly with her when she walked past, but beyond Hi and how are you we didn't speak much and she didn't then come outside to speak further as she was with a friend.

I am a little confused as to why she asked to be friends if she then doesn't talk to me much, why bother with the pre-tense of friendship?

she has since requested to follow me on instagram but i still haven't accepted this yet. is this a sign that she does still want to be friends, is this an olive branch? Should i accept this olive branch?

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh boy, that's quite the awkward situation you've found yourself in hun! Here's what I think:

- Kicking her out right after sleeping together was super shitty, so I don't blame her for being cold afterwards. That was really hurtful on your part.

- Now there's underlying resentment/hurt on her end that's making things hard to navigate back to true friendship.

- That said, her reaching out on social media could be tentative olive branch after some space/time has passed.

- I'd say accept the follow request, but don't expect full friendship right away. In time she may come around.

- When you see her in person, be upbeat but give her space - don't force conversation.

- Make it clear you realize you messed up by how you treated her that night. Say you hope in time she'll feel comfortable reconnecting.

- Ball's in her court now. Respect whatever boundaries she sets. With patience and time showing you care, friendship may heal. But don't push it - let her lead the way.

Hope this perspective helps! Honestly and patience are the only ways from here I think.

[ruby_mk]

I would literally never speak to you again if you did this to me. Anyway, since you initially kicked her out (whatever reason) and did a no follow up message to which she had to ask you herself.
She was probably very much hurt by all this ordeal by the fact you didn’t text her after that and still I feel there’s a part of her that wants to be with you even as friends despite you hurting her even if you didn’t intended on but in my opinion this would still be abit hurtful.


Another thing she sent you a request and you still haven’t decided to accept so it means you are the one whose not sure. Because she smiled and waved at you and she wanted a more earnest approach which you could’ve made. I don’t really think you’re interested in her since you havnt accepted her request. (There’s no room for overthinking here)


Yes this is an olive branch and that too depends on the fact how long have you kept her request pending this could create hurtful feelings within her.


You can get her back if you communicate with her opening and honestly with emotions and how you really feel.

[DishLady]

Some people are just like that. As someone who ends up mediating between people... A LOT... I see it all the time. Some people are quiet... they WANT to be more like their extroverted friends, but they don't know how... Others seem very comfortable reaching out to people, but actually in their own lives they're very lost... These personal details end up impacting the way that people will be able to connect with others. Sounds like she's not 100% compatible with you in terms of basic communication. Don't take it personally.