Why do so many women not know how to carry themselves?

Question

I often see so many women either "clomping" (a sort of stomping/masculine walk) or waddling (yes, like a duck) instead of walking with the grace and elegance a woman is naturally granted. Regardless of the woman's age, it makes her look "off" (defensive/closed off, tired/depressed or at best simply awkward).

Such a shame, bc the way a woman comports herself (how she stands, walks, etc.) tends to determine the type of person who gravitates towards her, talks to her and sticks by her.

Growing up, my gran (a vision of post-war elegance) taught me "how to comport myself like a lady." I was ~4yo, but even then I got the gist of what she was teaching me about posture and poise, so I'd try to mimic her walk, see I wasn't quite getting it, and sneak into her room to step into her shoes thinking that would help... It made my granddad laugh, pick me up and take me out for one of our long walks, where he explained that it's important to maintain good posture and a steady stride so as not to reveal the weight of the hardship you carry. I've remembered that lesson throughout my life and stand tall, chin up, walking confidently even when I'm not feeling it -- ESPECIALLY in those moments...

A few years later a very kind teacher thought to pull all the girls in our class aside to teach us the same lesson using an ancient etiquette book. Those lessons were worded almost identically to this charming video by the very soft-spoken comportment expert and author, Jamila Musayeva:

(For those with short attention spans, there's a humorous version of this lesson in Miss Congeniality...)

So now think, guys and gals -- and be honest as you weigh in on this one:

Are you more likely to approach a woman who is slouching/clomping/waddling in an unconfident manner or a woman who knows how to comport herself with the natural grace and confidence of a lady? My hunch is that my dear old grandparents were right about sporting a confident walk.

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

Interesting question @DishLady and interesting opinions people have on it.

The way people walk and compose themselves has always been one of the aspects I naturally assess about them. How someone composes themselves can tell a lot about them. Whether it's the way they move, speak, or dress, every detail counts in being able to tell what a person is like in terms of personality, class, and can reflect their lifestyle.

And I've noticed the same thing as you. There aren't as many girls that know how to carry themselves nowadays. And it might be a reflection of the state of society.

For me, although it's definitely not a feminine walk, I've been told on rare occasions (so few that I can remember them all) that I have a nice masculine posture when I walk. Once by a high school teacher saying I walk like a soccer player and he said it proudly. Another time by a friend when we were on a hike and he said "How the hell do you have such good posture when you walk man?" And another time by my last ex girlfriend, saying that the way I walk was one of the reasons she was attracted to me.

For me, luckily it's been natural and I never had to think about it too much. I've always subconsciously tried to imitate guys I thought were "cool" when I was younger in terms of speech and movement. And I was naturally well coordinated and athletic, able to pick up movements more easily than most even when it came to playing sports with guys.

I'm surprised at how many guys here have stated they don't notice or care for it here, but I have a feeling they're not being entirely honest. If you put 2 girls next to each other... one which waddles like the funny example you gave in Miss Congeniality and a girl that walks with elegance, they will definitely notice it and be more attracted to the girl that walks elegantly.

Flatmanlewis · Accepted Answer

Why don’t they? Because we have devolved in society to a point where there is simply an obsession with comfort at all costs. There are (thankfully) many people who do not subscribe to this ideology and choose style over comfort. Add to that a steady drift away from any institutions EVER wanting to be guilty of enforcing a gender norm or expectation on someone.

Yet, it’s there. As society, we value and admire men who look, speak, talk, and walk like MEN. We cherish, value, and stare like the thirsty drinking water at a beautiful, feminine, women. Salma Hayek said “It’s doesn’t matter how beautiful a woman is if she can’t walk in high heels.” I think she’s qualified to say that.

A woman who can walk, sit, even just get out of a car or cross her legs in a way that’s feminine and smooth and elegant has a superpower at her fingertips and it’s a stunning thing to witness.

RavVid · Answer

Ah I could not agree more with you! It is very attractive for a woman's body to flow. If a woman is stiff and rigid it is unattractive - I'll come back to that. I like partner dancing and you do need good posture.

The basic fact is that male and female bodies are different. The female pelvis is broader so there is going to be more rotation of the pelvis when walking then there is for a male pelvis. A second core difference is in nearly every woman the outside of her arms are on a vertical line from the outside of her hips. In nearly every man his armpit i. e. inside arms are on a vertical line with the outside of his hips.

Both guys and girls swing their arms naturally as they walk. Guys can just let their arms hang straight down. Girls can't do this because their arms won't clear their hips. While Jamila says to have arms straight down she is actually turning her forearms out to clear her hips.

I disagree with Jamila and I have noticed about 6 generic ways girls clear the hip.

Stoop and dangle arms with head down. Undoubtedly the most unattractive walk and surprisingly common during business hours but scarcely seen on Friday & Saturday nights fortunately. Hides the breasts and gives little body swing = very bad visuals.

Clutch purse walk. Some girls solve the problem by holding their hands in front of them even when they don't have a clutch purse. It is cute and does give an upright posture and gives proper prominence to breasts for a balanced look.

Shopping bag walk. Again solves the hip clearance problem by eliminating it. Elbows are tucked into the waist and forearms are laterally outwards. Perfect for dangling shopping bags for the ultimate feminine look. It is cute. Draws attention to the waist and gives breast prominence but little body rotation/flow.

Forearms turned out. This what Jamila does. Forearms are slightly turned out to clear the hips. The arms may or may not be swung. It does look femme.

Behind to front arm swing. Now we are starting to cook! The arms are swung from well behind to in front of the girl. Quite common. It leads to good fluid hip rotation AND breast/shoulder swing. There can a tendency to stoop.

Behind arm swing. My absolute fav. The gas is on high! The girl swings her arm behind her in the inverse of the one before. It is a very upright head up walk. Superb hip rotation and magnificent breasts/shoulder swing. The girl's body really flows. I want all girls to walk like this.

If a girl is rigid in her body you will intuitively think bitch and expect her to bite your head off. If a girl's body flows you know she is relaxed and think she will be easy going.

It makes a lot of difference. Great question Dishlady!

Dongie · Answer

I believe too it's the way a woman carries herself that speaks of the lady. I was just thinking on that hours ago thinking about this woman I know. There's confidence in her grateful movements, her position of chin and concentration in her eyes on the task at hand.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

I have to assume because they don't want men looking or being attracted to them. I know that is why I dress and look how I do. If I dress nice it's because I want attention but 98% of the time I don't lol.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Knowing how to carry yourself is often a question of influences. Recognizing what was modelled for you, and recognizing what is or isn't beneficial to your life.

If I were to follow the influences modelled for me in my own life, I would be an absolute underachiever and probably a socially-inept buffoon. I was able to recognize that my influences weren't productive, however. So I found new ones that modelled the life I really wanted for myself.

Anonymous · Answer

girls weren't being taught to be traditional feminine women while growing up

boys were taught to be traditional masculine men by one side and simultaneously being pulled away from it by the other side while growing up

Apple1996 · Answer

At 8 months pregnant I can't help that I waddle🦆

SotiCoto · Answer

Opposite.
I always preferred women who walk in a more casual way because it shows that they're less concerned about how society sees them. Also their boobs bounce more that way, which is a plus from a visual perspective. Ladywalking looks smug, stuck-up and unapproachable.

Juxtapose · Answer

If I'm thinking of approaching somebody I'm filled with so many inner insecurities I have to fight before making the approach I am simply not paying attention to how the woman is walking.

NathanDavis · Answer

here an example...

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

As long as she's feminine, it doesn't make such a difference! I don't like women, acting, talking or walking like boys.

handsomelad70 · Answer

Her carriage wouldn't much bother me if she had big boobs, but you're right in that lots of ladies don't walk or stand as gracefully as when I was a younger chap. Wonder if it's because there are far fewer gender expectations, plus there are MANY more fat broads, and even the really large ladies of years past went out of their way to behave in a ladylike fashion.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

I think it makes a difference. Someone who tends to have good composure and can carry themselves in a decent manner is more appealing to me.

spartan55 · Answer

It's something that I don't consciously look for, I know that it makes a woman more attractive to me.

Fatoumamoud · Answer

For religious purposes, I don't wear short dresses nor pants. My legs skin aren't visible, but I do walk slowly not to slowly and head up. I don't care about how people carry themselves. I care about what people says and do their behaviors.

Nikki1989 · Answer

That is people in general. It is the generation of the slob.

genericname85 · Answer

xD have you followed the media in the last 5 years? people apparently don't even know what a woman is anymore.

legalboxers · Answer

never noticed and Im in a city full of people

slatyb · Answer

Men are no better.

Why do so many women not know how to carry themselves?

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Woman. Why do most women seem to carry weight in there hips or backside or legs?

Why do so many women not know how to carry themselves?

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Woman. Why do most women seem to carry weight in there hips or backside or legs?

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