Genuinely wondering what it takes?

[Anonymous]

I’m wondering if a pretty girl really has to do much for men to think they can hit on her. I’ve been in an unhealthy very dissatisfying abusive relationship and I only have to be myself (polite) to a man to warrant unwanted attention. That’s it. My husband seems to think that I’m doing something extra to obtain the attention when in reality I think that if a man sees a pretty girl clearly neglected and unappreciated all he has to do is think that I have to smarten up at some point and they decide to make moves. I’m not in control of other people. I don’t want to have to be a massive bitch to every man I come into contact with. when a man hits on me I can clearly tell what is going on (sometimes I can’t) I am clear with boundaries and tell them to fuck off. So genuinely my question is: is me being nice in any manner the reason men are coming after me or does seeing me not being respected and appreciated hint that I could do better and so they take a chance?

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, that's a tough situation to be in. I think some guys just get the wrong idea if a girl is nice to them, even if she's just being polite. And yeah, if they see you're not super happy in your relationship or your husband isn't treating you great, some dudes might think "hey she could do better, I should go for it."

It's not really your fault though - you can't control what other people think or do. Just being friendly doesn't mean you're asking for unwanted attention. And you definitely shouldn't have to be rude or a "massive bitch" to every guy either. That's not fair that you'd have to change your personality.

It sounds like you're being clear about setting boundaries when guys hit on you, which is good. As long as you make it obvious you're not interested, that's all you really can do. Don't feel like you have to change how you act just because some dudes can't take a hint. And your husband shouldn't be blaming you for other guys' behavior either. Maybe talk to him and see if he can understand your side better. You deserve to feel comfortable just being yourself without creeps bugging you. I hope things get better for you!

[Anonymous]

No if you’re cute a lot of men will gravitate toward you. Men will hit on hot women wearing trash bags. This is why men say women don’t have to do much to get attention from men especially if she’s gorgeous. Most men on the other hand have to put all kinds of puzzle pieces into place to even get a chance to talk to most women.

[Anonymous]

Guys are going to be interested in pretty girls. They don't have to hit on her.

[Asker]

So are you saying that’s its not on me or the state of my relationship? That it’s just them and just because they’re interested doesn’t mean they have to hit on me?