Why does my female coworker dislike me?

[Anonymous]

We are in one department and don't work together. She has been working at the company for over 10 years and I'm a working student. I felt like she disliked me but I just ignored it. But over time I noticed that she would show her disdain for me more openly.

For instance when I arrived to the Christmas event of our department she smiled at the girl next to me from afar then looked at me and gave me a dirty look even though I didn't even directly look at her. I also noticed that she would start dressing more fashionably, check me out when I walked past her or looked over her shoulder at me as if she tried to provoke me. I also know that she gossips about me with her married work buddies who just want to get in her pants.

What is her problem? I never did anything to her.

[ManOnFire]

I know exactly what you're talking about. She's one of those workplace 'spinsters' so to speak. She's been at that job forever, probably always has everyone going to her or just liking her in general, but when a new girl shows up who's different, the spinsters start getting jealous and fearful that you will either take their job or they worry that they will lose all the love they get from everyone and you will become popular above them.

She is definitely jealous since she is now trying to compete with your fashion and wanted to make a point to smile at the other girl and look at you maliciously, hoping it would bother you. And it is super common for these spinsters to gossip about you to male co-workers in the hopes that she can get them to hate you and keep them still wanting her. This is all super common in the workplace, especially with women, but men also do the same thing with other guys as well. And gossiping about you negatively is how she tries to control people.

My advice would be to completely ignore her and do not speak to her unless you have no choice but to work with her, because people like her on the job are literally looking for anything they can to destroy you. They're just waiting and hoping that you will give them any reason to complain, even just for dropping a pen.

[Asker]

then why is she polite to the other female student?

[ManOnFire]

She's doing it to spite you. And probably to try to get the other student to love her and hate you as well. People like this lady you're struggling with do things like that all the time in the hopes that they can control others and turn them against you. It's a form of bullying, especially at work.

Don't argue with that other pink anon. She clearly is not socially aware and not perceptive about people.

[jahaims]

Probably because you are stupid enough to ask that question as if anyone here knows you and your coworker

[Asker]

super unlikely

[Anonymous]

So if there’s no good reason to dislike you, then why would she? Because you see yourself as young and fashionable while she’s not? I’m sorry but get a grip, people don’t owe you friendship, and it’s not “mean” when that isn’t on the table. Just ignore her, and live your life.

[Asker]

i AM 13 years younger than her, thats a fact. and i never said i was more fashionably. learn to read before you post your comments

[Asker]

and giving me dirty looks several times could be considered bullying and is super unprofessional for someone an old woman with kids

[Opinion Owner]

Learn to have some fucking self awareness how about that? YOU mentioned her fashion change so I did too, maybe you should RE-read what you write before you post it or choose not to post what you don’t want commented on! So simple.

[Opinion Owner]

You thinking she’s giving you dirty looks does NOT mean that she is. That is your own interpretation of her behavior, that doesn’t make it valid.

[Asker]

no its not

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, it is an interpretation because these are you vibes and feelings not FACTS. This is how I know you’re quiet as a mouse in person because this could easily be cleared up with a conversation that you don’t want to have! As if women don’t get resting bitch face or bad days in general, not every feeling or facial expression she has is pertaining to you.

[Alli112]

tbh this sounds like kind of a biased presentation of the events, because generally speaking people don't just hate or harass one another out of nowhere. Just saying.

[ManOnFire]

Actually you can be hated out of nowhere, especially at work. If you do good and you're very smart, other co-workers will see that and can become hotly jealous and try to sabotage you.

[Alli112]

@ManOnFire I don't know what kind of toxic work environments you've been at but I can't say that's been my experience in the slightest. Most people just want to earn their wage and mind their business. Of course there are clashing personalities etc, so it's possible the person genuinely dislikes her, but I'm more likely to believe that the situation is being misunderstood or exaggerated unless I get more information that indicates there's an actual conflict. Fully open to it, but it's not my first guess.

[ManOnFire]

@Alli112 Being disliked at work for doing nothing is pretty common. I see you're 23 so maybe you haven't been in many jobs yet? What the OP described in her question is something I've seen on several jobs especially with women so I'm inclined to believe her. The fact that the other woman gossips about her to male employees is big evidence. Co-workers do that when they try to control others.

[Alli112]

@ManOnFire Hey I've said my two sense. Our experiences don't have to match up. I've had half a dozen jobs in different work environments with all sorts of coworkers, and I fundamentally beleive that most people action rationally. I'm not saying her coworker isn't being mean or rude, I'm saying there's probably more to the story. That "more" could easily just be personal incompatibility between the individuals, but OP framed it as a bitchy older woman being jealous of and trying to harass her fashionable younger colleague, and while possible, I'm not likely to assume that as the first explanation. Possible, of course, but unlikely in my opinion.

[Danny_dan92]

Ask her