Why would a man reject a woman for being “out of his league” ?

[Anonymous]

Look. If someone has all these options and she (or he for the ladies) chooses you…. That must mean they genuinely want you. If all you want to do is date down the women choosing you may be choosing you because you’re the best they can pull, until at some point someone better comes along.

I don’t get why men don’t want something from a relationship and are happy being in one sided shitholes being walked all over. But somehow think that’s being a alpha male. I think it’s really the opposite.

Look. Love should be about finding love. There are amazing men and women form all walks of life. I’m not saying to reject a woman for superficial reasons if you genuinely like her and she genuinely likes you.

But oh she makes more money. Oh she’s too good looking. Oh she’s this or oh she’s that. Oh she’s stronger then me.

Maybe being with her she could help you improve. In ways besides talking down to you telling you you’re being a “little bitch” if a woman talks to you like her. Dump her like the bad habit she is. She’s probably projecting who she is on you.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Guys have a desire to be needed. But women generally choose men that they want. If a woman desperately needs a man, watch out. It's our delicate task as women to convey the sense that we need a man, when in reality we truly want him.

Men (for the most part) need women, so they struggle with the idea it's better to be wanted. Ironically, women want to be desired by men in the same way that men want to be needed.

But honestly, women can hire random guys to do just about everything we need as women; fix our cars, do handyman tasks, mow the yard, etc. But if a woman desires a man, nothing can replace that.

So, the whole "out of my league" argument has more to do with a guy's insecurities than her being unattainable. That's why we have so many stories of the princess being in love with the commoner, but being forced to marry the [insert rich dude] instead. Just my perspective...

[Asker]

You’re right. But there are women who use men. I don’t trust women at all who seem like they use men. They want men to do the heavy lifting for them such as the thinfd tou said. They want a man to open doors and give her money. Money…. Is a big one

[Asker]

Now…. A lot of men and women have needs emotionally. But men do need to watch out for women who can’t wipe their own ass. This many times leads to extremely one sided relationships.

It’s not that she can’t wipe her own ass. If she’s wheelchair bound that’s another story. But it’s because they don’t want to. They have a fantasy of a free ride in life. These women are notorious cheaters. Because they don’t have a real connection to the man they’re with.

[Asker]

Men definitely need to find the women who genuinely want them.

If I ever married a stay at home mom. I would want her to be able to mow a lawn, fix a car, handyman tasks, etc. why? Because I work to damn hard to be home to a honey do list. Sure women who stay home sometimes work really hard with the kids and around the house.

But a lot of them become bitter. When the fantasy they had in their head isn’t as glamorous as they thought.

[Asker]

And I think the kind of relationships where the man works while she stays home. Could have a lot more to offer a man like this. As opposed to both spouses working hard coming home exhausted not having lots of time for the kids or things like that.

It’s just a lot of these women don’t want to work period. But people tend to get angry when I call those kind of women out.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Asker Yeah, definitely want to look for the girl who wants you, not the needy girl who's calling you at 3AM and crying because her on-again/off-again ex dumped her (again) and she needs you to rescue her...

[uncleBobbyb77]

Astute, and insightful observation. Quite the discernment as it is coming from a woman and the question asks "why would a man..". There is however another possibility, one that might not be well received as it could possibly inflame insecurities a woman might be burdened by. He could be saying she's "out of my league" because he simply isn't attracted to her and doesn't want to be rude & become the reason a woman develops a "I'm not good enough" insecurity complex. The fact that he would be considerate enough of her feelings that he would use the one excuse that seems to indicate him as being the one having a fragile ego wrought with insecurities tells me that that is a dude who is willing to sacrifice his own image in the eyes of others to spare the feelings of a woman he doesn't want. A man like that isn't an Alpha, nor does he wish to be one. The Alpha personality type wouldn't sacrifice his image for hers. Ironically his ego is too fragile for that which is one reason why alpha is a distant second to the sigma personality type. The sigma cares not what others think of him. He doesn't need constant validation from others so he considers his image as being expendable if it spares her hers. This would be a trait that a strong, successful female may find attractive even if its only recognized on a subconscious level, might it not?

[Jamie05rhs]

@TheRealPepperPotts "Men need women.". No, we don't need women. Wtf would we need a woman for? Please tell me, what exactly does she bring to the table that I don't already have (relating to needs)?

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@uncleBobbyb77 That's a great point. Well said! Thanks for adding that. :D

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Jamie05rhs I was making a generalization because of sex. Men need to have sex, so they either watch porn or find a women or visualize them to meet their sexual needs. It's often been observed (by men) that women use sex to control guys, which is very true. It's more of a primal need, as guys have a drive to ensure that their line continues. It wasn't meant as an insult, just an observation.

[Jamie05rhs]

@TheRealPepperPotts Ohh. Yeah, I disagree with that, respectfully. We don't need sex. We very much WANT sex! LOL. But it's not a need.
(Guys will just SAY that it's a need in order to manipulate you into giving it to them.)

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Jamie05rhs I don't think I've ever heard a guy say that, publicly or privately. That's interesting, thanks for sharing. When I think of a want, I think of something we can live without, but which would be nice to have or experience. I don't think men can live without sex easily, which is why I perceive it as a need. If men just "want" sex, that definitely would destroy any excuses for being unfaithful or watching porn! :D

[Jamie05rhs]

@TheRealPepperPotts Thanks!

But you're right when you say that we can't live without sex easily. It's not easy.

... But porn is definitely an interesting subject, though! Because we CAN easily live without sex... BECAUSE we have porn! I mean, it's not a perfect replacement by any means. But it definitely fills the gap.

[Jamie05rhs]

I sometimes wonder what I would be like if porn wasn't a thing, if it wasn't available. Would I be really desperate? Would I fall in love more easily? Would I start asking out girls left and right?

[Asker]

Yeah. Calling me at 3 AM and it isn’t a emergency is a good way to get me to loose interest if someone can’t respect my tiem.

Look. I’m needy in ways so I need someone whose needy to a extent. But the extreme is

[Asker]

@Jamie05rhs if porn wasn’t a thing. Men and women would be much better off. Also women consume porn as well. Women have false ideas about men just like men have false ideas about women.

Either in visual porn or pornographic books

[Jamie05rhs]

Would women really be better off, though? If they are harassed all the time? (Even by well-meaning dudes who just want to buy them flowers and take them out to dinner?)

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Jamie05rhs My thought on that, though, is that porn sort of requires women, although AI will get to the point where it can create fictional women (along the lines of gaming). Honestly, that would be a good thing because porn is horrible for the women (and men) involved and it's a huge ethical problem. There are women who obviously create content for money, but there are many who are used and trafficked and there isn't accountability to distinguish between the two (as far as I know). I'm not judging people for it, because I know many people aren't aware of how awful it is. It seems harmless because it's just a photo or video, so I get that. However, that's another discussion. Sounds like a great G@G question! "Is Porn Unethical" or something like that. :D

[Jamie05rhs]

@TheRealPepperPotts I understand. I've just seen wayyy too many examples of women doing it willingly. Yes, I know there is the dark side (with kidnapping and grooming and all of that), but I don't watch those types of videos.

[DishLady]

1. Some guys have the experience of dating (or approaching/being approached by) someone who is “OTL” — it was unpleasant so they reject future attempts.


2. Some guys have seen their friends date/etc an OTL gal and how it ended (probably badly), so they don’t want to end up miserable like their friend.


3. Neither 1 or 2. The guy’s just chicken.

[Asker]

It really depends. Any relationship can end badly. But in my experience women who genuinely want the man despite having options. Are women who really want him.

That’s very different from women who pick a dude. Because he’s the best option at the time. Those end badly

[DishLady]

True, but the GUY has to want this as well. It’s a two-way street. If one person is constantly insecure about the other person having options then nothing will move forward.

[Asker]

That’s true. If a girl makes a man insecure he should leave. But a good woman should make him feel secure. But sometimes it doesn’t matter how good she is

[Asker]

But these dudes to reject a good woman like that. And run off with some loser…. And she makes him miserable yet he stays. Makes no sense

[DishLady]

True -- the good woman can normally make her guy feel loved and secure as they allow each other to grow closer in life and love... However an insecure/damaged guy can't be made to feel secure by anyone other than himself... he has to WANT to feel secure and not keep getting caught up in fears of that other women did to him in the past.

Same goes for girls.

It's a two-way street of trust, vulnerability, sharing, love, caring, compassion, loyalty... all of it... the whole package. Both the guy and the gal have to want this with each other... with their whole heart and soul... without some material goal or "what's in it for me" mentality.

[Asker]

It depends on the damaged guy. Someone whose damaged doenst make them bad. It means they have some sort of trauma.

If they don’t allow anyone into their life. Then that’s on them. Though they could reject people because of past experiences. They need Jesus

[Asker]

People fail us. But Jesus does not unless we turn from him

[DishLady]

Agreed, re the trauma etc comments.

As for Jesus, even those who turn from Him… He’s a second chances sort of guy… He’ll put Himself in their path again.

[Serkee]

While I wouldn't reject a girl for being out of my league, I can certainly see why someone would. It's avoiding future heartbreak. Put yourself in the shoes of a guy who's been burned or dumped for not being good enough, or a guy with low self esteem in general. If a girl makes more than you, is better looking than you, is more educated than you, and is more socially skilled than you, then what does she need you for? What value do you have? Women are generally hypergamous, so what could you possibly provide that she doesn't already have, or that she can't get from any other guy? She can certainly pull someone better than you, chances are you'd just be a placeholder until a richer, better looking, or more interesting guy comes along. You're disposable. She'll probably dump or cheat on you the moment she gets bored and move on the the next guy. I can't really blame anyone for not being willing to risk that.

[Asker]

What you’re saying is exactly why the man should stay with her. What need does she have? Obviously if she’s dating you. She needs someone to be with and share her life with. A partner. A friend. Someone to have babies with once married.

[Asker]

What’s going to break these mens hearts is picking women. Who rely on them for everything. Until she finds someone who makes more, etc.

If a woman chooses you despite having other options. Then she must genuinely want you. Especially if she has nothing to gain.

This is my point exactly it makes ZERO sense to me

[Serkee]

Being with someone I know is settling for me would make me feel terrible about myself, and it would only be a matter of time before she gets bored and I get dumped. I want to be with someone who needs me as much as I need her. Now like I said, I wouldn't reject a girl for being out of my league, but that's only because I try not to judge Individuals based on generalizations.

[Jamie05rhs]

You're both right.

[Asker]

It would make me feel this way too. Love should be about love. Not settling

[Asker]

No and I get it. It’s not good for men to use women either. People should find who they’re genuinely happy with

[Anonymous]

This is rare but it does happen. It’s usually because the guy thinks the woman might have ulterior motives (e. g. using him to make someone else jealous), is paranoid that he’s going to have to work his ass off to “be enough” for her, has deep rooted insecurities she will get his hopes up and then abandon him, etc.

I semi did this to a girl I met in college. She mind blowing solid 10/10 beautiful and she was (book) smart. I just ignored her when I was saw her the gym because I figured she was either taken already and/or she was out of my league. Then one day she introduced herself to me. I was shocked but decided to swing for the fences.

Long (and agonizing) story short I got my foot in the door and then got burned very bad. But I struggled to treat her like a real person vs a fantasy come true.

[Asker]

I get it. But the most ulterior motives are using men for money among other things

[Opinion Owner]

She was using me for validation. Also using me to make the guy she really liked jealous.

Deep down in my gut I know what she was doing. But I wasn’t experienced/brave enough to call her out at the time.

[MrOracle]

It depends on the "league" and the situation.

I recently posted a story about a girl I met who was amazing, but it turned out that she was incredibly rich. Being "old money", she never bragged or did anything flashy that would indicate wealth, but I learned that her family owned homes all over the world and had several family jets and flew wherever they wanted to go almost at will (depending on availability of the planes), and she played polo and owned several million dollars worth of horses.

Essentially, she had investments that generated far more money than she could ever spend, and I work 50 hours a week to keep myself in the middle class. There was never any way that would work.

[Jamie05rhs]

@MrOracle Why would it not have worked? (Don't worry; I'm on your side. So I'm not trying to give you a hard time here. Just playing devil's advocate.)

[MrOracle]

@Jamie05rhs I would have never got an ounce of respect from her family, and her family is a big deal to her, so that would have inevitably driven a wedge between us. I'd have been seen as a leech, even though I had no desire for her money. She wouldn't have been able to retain her lifestyle without paying my way to lots of things, and that would have caused problems, and her family would never let her forget about it.

[Jamie05rhs]

Aww. Dang. :/

I see what you mean, though.

[Messianic_Monk]

to avoid troubles down the road? If a girl feels she settled she will constantly try to upgrade.

or he doesn't want to deal with attitude? a lot of people who think they are high value come with loads of nonsense to deal with. I can understand if a guy doesn't want to deal with that.

High maintenance is another thing that comes to mind. In this economy you don't have time to deal with that. I'm fine with dating a frugal girl right now. In fact, I much rather prefer it.

[Asker]

It’s really the opposite. If a woman chooses you despite having other options. Guess what? It means she wants YOU…..

[Asker]

The women more likely to want a upgrade? Are women who see you as the best person they could choose at the time. They are the ones that as soon as someone else comes along whose better. They’re gone.

You do know this right?

[Anonymous]

none of what is mentioned would dictate a woman being outside of a man's league

men don't care about money or strength in women, looks yes but looks has no survival advantage. status is really the one thing that categorizes leagues

it's women who see themselves outside of a man's league based on these factors

no man has a problem with being with a woman "out of his league" the question is whether or not she genuinely loves him or is using him as a placeholder. even if she doesn't personally do it, the rest of society will egg her on to do better and try to shame the man into conforming to what they want him to be

[Jamie05rhs]

But that's the thing. They may not necessarily want you. Women don't know what the f they want. And on top of that, she doesn't even know YOU! It is actually quite common for a woman to develop an attraction to a man, and then change her mind later when she finds out more about him. It happens all the time.

[Asker]

And that’s normal too. Men do this too. That’s why people need to be date and if they aren’t feeling it. You just part ways and wish one another well.

Unfortunately some people aren’t as honest. If they don’t feel they can pull someone else at least for the time being
They will string you along

[Jamie05rhs]

Yeah, but my point is if I already know that I'm not what she's looking for, I'm going to save us both the trouble and shut it down right from the get-go. It's much more efficient that way. (And more humane as well.)

[Asker]

I do agree with they

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks

[Finchie40]

Because he feels insecure and feels he can’t trust her , he feels she will eventually leave him for someone else or cheat on him. He sadly suffers from low self esteem and confidence within himself , his balls are tiny pretty much lol

[Asker]

Thafs what women do though…. Who pick a man whose the best option. Because she can’t find better. These women will cheat notoriously and run off with someone when she finds Better

[Finchie40]

That’s why you have to learn to be better than her , a girl will not cheat on a guy that treats her with love and respect , that is dominate to her , not controlling , but dominate , meaning he looks down to her and she looks up to him , Girls’ mainly cheat when they feel they have dominance over her man , or if he treats her like complete shit. Most females’ want to be with a guy that she looks up to not down to , she wants to feel safe and protected by her man and feel she can trust him. Best advice I can give man is learn how to remove selfishness from within yourself and for your partner , Learn how to wear her shoes the same way you want her wearing yours without being a complete ass kisser , Most girls’ can’t stand having their ass kissed at all times , she likes to be put on her place if she starts stepping out of line. Most girls’ like playing games with her partner to keep him on his toes , if he falls for her silly games , she will lose attraction toward him. You basically have to balance between Good Guy bad guy to a girl to keep her coming back for more. When a girl feels safe and loved by her Man she will not cheat

[Asker]

“Learn to be better then her” number one what do I get out of that kind of relationship? Number two you’re exactly the type of dude who is going to be cheated on

[Asker]

Women who are dating you because you’re her best option. Will leave when someone else comes in. Also notorious cheaters. Yes women may pretend to be what you want them to be to get something from you. But will cheat behind your back. Eventually to leave you. You’re gonna get burned and burned bad.

[Finchie40]

Not all girls’ are cheaters man

[Asker]

Absolutely not all are. But women who cheat are gonna cheat. It doesn’t matter how good you are

[Asker]

A good woman can leave a man if she isn’t happy. But won’t cheat

[Finchie40]

A good guy can do the same

[Unit1]

hehehe, some of these men are heading on a path of their own demise. Beats me why they would deny a woman, who happens to be above certain criteria in comparison to themselves.

[Asker]

The women these dudes choose though are something else. In the wrong ways

[Unit1]

Yes. In fact Andrew Tate made a video recently regarding how the women in his and his friends harem are basically leeches with no talent

rumble.com/...ndrew-tate-on-talentless-btches.html

Duh. They've chosen literal bimbos and then he says his women can't do anything more than scrolling Instagram, watching Netflix and live off their money.

[Asker]

I don’t just want to hate on Andrew Tate. Some of what he says is true and other stuff he says…. Is well….. bull.

[Asker]

But he attracts these kinds of women. There are women who are very good people and very talented. But a lot of dudes like that want women who can’t wipe their own ass.

Obviously those are the type of women who are gonna burn you in the end.

[Asker]

But they never learn. They keep going after these same women. What do you get out of a relationship witn someone like that?

Especially sex obsessed men. Thinking they’re gonna marry a virgin. Like dude! You’re sleeping around brazenly. You think a woman who isn’t a whore wants that?

[Unit1]

I too don't see the appeal in going after the type of women, who act all helpless and in need of saving and wanting men's money and selling their bodies and "love". It's like financing a womanchild. The term trophy wife was coined for something like that.

It's not for me. If I were wealthy, I'd see to it if I can get an "empress". Imagine having a lady, who's got your back.

[Asker]

No. The damsels in distress are the worst. It’s not that they can’t help themselves. They just don’t…. And think they can use men to solve all their problems

[Enginn]

A man might reject a woman he perceives to be "out of his league" for several reasons. He may feel insecure about himself and believe that the woman is too attractive, successful, or accomplished for him. He might worry about being judged by others if he pursues a relationship with someone whom society deems as more desirable. Additionally, he could fear rejection and disappointment if he believes that the woman will not reciprocate his interest due to their perceived differences in status or attractiveness. Ultimately, feelings of inadequacy or anxiety about potential rejection can lead a man to reject a woman whom he considers "out of his league."

[Anonymous]

Sorry, too busy laughing at the alpha male thing.

You are just trolling, right?

[Asker]

To a extent. I mean the whole alpha male thing. A lot of these dudes are exactly the kind of dudes who get cheated on.

They think because they have money. So they get gold digger women…. Who end up cheating on them. Yeah maybe they can provide some sense of security so they get women who are pathetic who use them.

[DaddyDiablo]

Cause where did she come from and why tf she wanting someone who she's clearly is out of so said league cuz I mean I've definitely gone through this n had no question as to if so said relationship n so forth cuz I was stepping up my game n changing my standards but I did question a few girls as to why me but they usually never could answer my question or anything

[scott04sa22]

I had a few women who were out of my league. Happy to say they all find their happily ever afters

[Asker]

Then it’s just not meant to be

[skidawgkc22]

I wouldn't. Clearly every woman is out of my league.

[handsomelad70]

VERY few women would be out of my league in looks. Money would be another story.

[paledreams]

I am picky on height, hairstyle, breast size, caucasian pale 👍🏻🫡😈👀😋

[paledreams]

And sure, weight 🤩😃

[Jamie05rhs]

@paledreams Hey, Nick. What happened to your old account?

[Asker]

That’s why you won’t find a good woman

[paledreams]

I have in my mind lol

[Asker]

Well. Having a delusional girlfriend isn’t a real one

[paledreams]

It sure passes the time and coping mechanisms 😛😛😛👅 after all, if I like reincarnation as a coping belief also, I'll be rewarded someday even if it's all in my mind aka a coping mechanism softly and lightly - even if it never happens ever aka darkness after this lifetime in the far far future when I'm an old man deathbed lol 😂😆

[genericname85]

cause she's way below what he can normally get?

[LiamJHayden]

Yes. If he has that mindset, he has set himself up for failure, so why waste her time?

[Anonymous]

Another woman on G@G parading as a man.🙄

[Asker]

Nope….

[Opinion Owner]

It's pretty clear you're a woman by the way you ask the question. You may pose as a man but you can't hide your femininity.

[Asker]

It’s weird because I’ve been called a woman hating INCEL on other questions.

[Anonymous]

He's rejecting her before she could reject him.

[Jamie05rhs]

He's not rejecting her, though. He's just declining the invitation.

[Dongie]

Good point.