Would like to become friends with a woman I am not attracted to without her having feelings for me?

[Anonymous]

I really need to rebuild myself mentally around women again. It’s a long story (always is). But I feel like it would be best to be platonic friends with a (sane) woman I have no physical attraction for.

But every time I do this the woman ends up having feelings for me even if she wasn’t interested in the beginning. It’s because I come off as more confident, honest and not overly available. I had one much younger woman fall for me hard 2 years after we were close confidantes about the situation we were both going through. I do admit the selfish part of me (my ego) liked the idea of having a much younger woman crushing on me but I also didn’t want to be a piece of sh*t and lead her on in anyway. That was never my intention for the friendship anyway.

I really need a female that knows about my struggles and dirty laundry but I have no fear of judgment from. Even if she does privately judge me I really wouldn’t care that much given I’m not looking for a relationship.

Updates

1 y

I regret posting this question. The mental issue I am dealing with is extremely complicated. I actually HATE the friendzone with a passion. I won’t tolerate it and get angry very quickly when women try to pull that crap. But this is NOT about the friendzone. This is just about interacting with women more and doing it in a healthy way. I’ve gone from bad to worse with a lot things in the last 5 years. Gotten really f*cked up w/ a lot of things.

[HollyK21]

I don’t think it would make a difference. Just because you don’t find her attractive doesn’t mean the feeling would be mutual. It’s damn near impossible for opposite sex relationships to remain platonic from start to finish, someone always falls for the other and it’s usually the woman falling for the guy.


Maybe you weren’t aware before, but you basically do everything a woman would want a man she’s involved with to do. You're consistent with your efforts, chat every day through the day, take her to hang out often and probably pay for her drinks/food/etc on the outing. So when you’re doing all these things, it’s inevitable for a woman to start falling for you.


While you’re scrolling through this site, at some point you will see some version of a woman’s ‘does like me more than friends?’ post. Take a moment to read it and 9/10, the “signs” or hints she mentions will sound just like what you do with these female friends. Then she will go on to mention how he friendzoned her and how confused she is because based off everything he was doing, she thought he wanted more, despite him saying otherwise.


I think that since you already know the outcome of befriending women and getting close them, you should try something different, like therapy and healing.

[Asker]

“ You're consistent with your efforts, chat every day through the day, take her to hang out often and probably pay for her drinks/food/etc on the outing. ”

No i don’t bend over backwards like that for women I am not interested in. Especially when it comes to buying them things.

[HollyK21]

I only made mention of the things you wrote happen within your friendship.

[HollyK21]

I also wouldn’t say those things are bending over backwards, but instead they can translate as romantic efforts to a woman.

[gorydetails]

lol, when you refer to women as "females" I doubt you're as attractive as you think you are.

[Asker]

Nah it isn’t like that all. Serious.

[Asker]

And for the record I know I am not as attractive as I once was. It’s depressing and makes me very pessimistic when it comes to interacting with with women I find attractive. I don’t even try any more.

But interacting with a woman I have zero physical interest might be a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Men and women can't be friends

[Asker]

Yeah I know. I usually vehemently argue exactly that.

But in the last few years I have so distanced myself from literally all women (unless there sex might happen) I think this made everything worse.