When should I stop trying to keep in contact or trying to see a friend?

[elsbels]

Recently my friend has seemed to drop off the radar a bit. We had a period over the last 3/4 months where we got really close, i felt like i was really there for her when her partners mother died suddenly and was offering my support to her. We didn't message all the time but would do so every now and then and would sometimes meet up every other Friday for a catch up at pub her husband worked at and i’ve been round hers a few times.

she has since started working part time at the pub, as she start teacher training in a few weeks and so i completely understand she is now vert busy. But she now doesn't reply to any-messages for example, I sent her a message on Wednesday just about a few things and asking how she was and did she want to meet up when she was free. She has been online since then, as its on fb messenger, but still hasn't opened it or read it or replied and its now Sunday.

i know she has autism so am not sure if someone times she gets overwhelmed and from experience I know how busy life can get so don't expect a response right away. But i do feel a little hurt and am not sure if i have done something wrong, for her to suddenly be ignoring me. The last time we met up everything was fine and normal and that was a few weeks ago so i’m not sure what has changed since then.

I’m trying not to overthink and to give her space but its starting to get me down a little.

Should i keep trying to reach out or at some point get the hint and stop trying

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's tough, sounds like you've been trying but she's gotten kinda distant all of a sudden. I get why you'd be confused and hurt about it! A few things that stick out to me though -

First, like you said she's got a lot on her plate with the new job, teacher training coming up, and maybe stuff is just way crazy busy. Add on dealing with her mom's passing still too, that's a bunch of stress. So def give her space and don't take it personal.

Second, if she's on the spectrum sometimes people need extra space and down time to recharge without being social, even with friends. Nothing against you! Just how she deals with a lot going on.

My advice would be - maybe send her one more casual message like "no pressure, just wanted to let you know I'm here if you need anything" and then leave it. If she doesn't reply after that, then I'd say stop actively reaching out for now. But don't assume the friendship is over or you did something wrong. Just put the ball in her court and see if she comes around when her schedule calms down.

That way you've shown you care still without bugging her or adding to her stress load. And if she does come back around, hopefully you guys can reconnect. But for now step back and let her deal with what she's dealing with. Hopefully it gets back to normal when things settle down!

[teamvic]

I recommend let her hit you up first

Then you'll know where that friendship stands