My girlfriend wants to have lunch with her ex?

[Anonymous]

i told her we will all go out and have lunch, but she doesn't want me to come. I'm considering leaving her over this, it just doesn't sit well with me. Any thoughts id like to hear your opinions

[cavmanier]

This is the deal. You shouldn't have to deal with feeling jealous in a relationship. If it's out of an insecurity then you need to work on that. You should trust her, but I will say that I think this is probably a red flag for her having some issues relating to her ex boyfriend. I would let her go but be uncomfortable with her and his intentions. Although she wouldn't do anything physically, she may relive some past feelings.

So like I said the real bad part of this is the fact that she actually wants to see him. If you love her this is not a reason to dumb someone though.

If I ever broke up with my current girlfriend I will always love her and care for her. She will basically be a sister to me. Some people are connected so strongly they will always love each other. If her ex is a guy she still loves it maybe hard to deal with but I wouldn't try and block him out of her life. She will resent you.

[ImALuvrNotAFighter]

Your reaction is completely understandable. What if the tables were turned? What if you were having lunch with your ex, and you told her no when she asked if she could go with you? She would be upset, wouldn't she? Of course she would, and rightfully so. Same thing applies to your situation. The real question is WHY she doesn't want you there; if she's really feeling it for you, she should want to show you off to everybody, including her ex. It might be a good idea to have a chat with her about her reasons for insisting on having lunch with him alone.

[Asker]

she says because she wants to keep us separate, like she has a relationship with him and one with me. But she's with me and not him but she just wants to hang out I guess, to me it sounds like she's not over him

[ImALuvrNotAFighter]

If she really valued the relationship with you, would she jeopardize it by giving you the wrong idea by having lunch alone with her ex? If I were in your situation, I would let her know that her behavior is unacceptable, and that I'm history if she goes ahead with her plan.

[Anonymous]

That is kinda weird that she wants to have lunch with her ex, I know I would not want to have lunch with ANY of my exes. I would just let her go to lunch with him, then you can go to lunch with an ex haha. Just act cool with it even if you're angry inside, don't let it show at all, why? If she is trying to make you jealous and you show no sign of it, she won't like it. Just act cool. See what happens and go from there. Don't even ask her any questions when she gets back from lunch, act like you don't care.

[centrestriker]

Don't listen to those other fools. It might not be a great sign, but throwing a fit is DEFINITELY going to kill the relationship. I have never had a problem with this. I've had girlfriends say they want to meet up with an old boyfriend. I usually just point out that they down have to tell me, because I'm fine with it. I sometimes go out with girls that aren't my girlfriend, and I really don't want to be called out on that. Plus its a great display of confidence. You will always get the "You aren't jealous?" to which the answer is "Not at all". My philosophy on relationships is to trust the person, then if they screw up, then deal with it. There is really one point getting amped up on something that could potentially happen.

[Aksel]

Man, you're awesome! Show that you're ''confident'' and not ''jealous" unlike those other fools and let your girlfriend to f*** with anyone she wants, let her to display total uncocnern about you and use you for free perks! Being like that probably is great!

[SrSmokesAlot]

@aksel, f*** up man, you obviously have no idea what trust is.

@centre, I get where you're coming from, and honestly, I about 90% agree.

[centrestriker]

Aksel, way to read what I actually wrote. I said to let the girl go do what she wants, let her visit her old boyfriends, hang out with guys from class, etc. BUT, if she screws me over, I drop her. I'll go find another girl. If the girl is going to cheat, she is going to do it with or without your permission. So why encourage it by trying to control her.Relationships shouldn't be about control, its trust. And prejudging that she is already going to cheat isn't trust

[Aksel]

Man, this is bad! Most likely she is still not over her ex!

The thing that she does not want you to come is HUGE, red flag!

Say you need some space and take a break from her for a week about, and decide what to do.

You don't want to become too attached to a girl who doesn't return the same to you - do you?

[Cantremember]

if she is not afraid of you two meeting the best thing would probably to take you along once so you can see for yourself that nothing is going on. And then it shouldn't be a problem anymmore that they hang out. You should suggest that to her and explain the background. Because then it's about building trust and not about jealousy.

[westman74]

I went through this once... Asker her if you can have lunch with your ex then... When she looks at you odd just say your "just good friends and it shouldn't bother her"... This is a bad sign my friend... Good luck

[Asker]

so I should just leave her shouldn't i

[westman74]

Well one of two things is happening... She wants you to leave or she wants drama... Either way it's not good. Like I said lay it out for her that you love her and want it to be just you two with no baggage or maybe its time to move on. That way it's on her. If she loves this guys so much to ruin your relationship then you need to run not walk away.

[westman74]

or better... ask her when the three of you will be having lunch then... LOL

[CoffinWolf]

yes, if you draw the line - you will get it over with faster. why waste time?

[CoffinWolf]

ya bro. your finished with this one. probably your fault. if you were exciting, you would be having lunch with her and the other guy wouldn't be on the radar.

[Asker]

such and ego boost

[CoffinWolf]

just being real. look at it as an ego *check*

[NonchalantBro]

one word:

threesome