I (21M) cannot understand this woman (31F). What can be done?

[Emmamma]

Basically, I go to a gym where she is my trainer's girlfriend. We all became extremely good friends and we have kind of an older sister and younger brother kind of relationship. She is a very friendly and sweet lady and I want our relationship to stay as it is. However, this seems to be drifting away. There is a guy (20M) and she treated both of us fairly equally. However, since the last few days, this seems to be changing. She seems to prefer to talk to the (20M) guy and get wry of me for some reason. And it feels like we are drifting apart. Somehow and somewhat, it feels like she is awkward around me. It feels like it is all in my head but it hurts so much, I cannot put it into words. Asking her directly will put her off and make the situation worse (as fas as I think). Things are going horribly wrong. It feels like I said something and she didn't particularly like it, so she hid it. Wtf can be done? I want everything to be back as it was. What am I supposed to do in this situation? How to fix it? Can something be done at all?

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, that's really messed up. I know it hurts when things change with someone you're close to like that. But it seems like there might be more going on here than you realize.

A few things to think about - that guy she's been talking to more is younger, closer to her age. Maybe she sees him differently and is developing feelings she shouldn't. Not cool since she's with your trainer, but it happens.

Second, you said yourself she's almost like an older sister. Is it possible you've been sending her signals you like her as more than that, and now it weirds her out? Guys can misread friendliness sometimes.

Either way man, if she's pulling away for some reason she ain't sharing, you gotta let her go for now. Pushing will only make it worse. Give her some space, focus on your training and other friends.

If she comes around and feels like opening up, great. But for your own sake bro, don't let this consume you. Easier said than done, I know. But you'll be aight - just keep putting in the work each day. It'll work out how it's meant to.

[SueShe]

Well, your reaction is the typical one of a guy that has a crush on a girl, does not want to admit it and then gets irritated when it is not reciprocated and that this girl treats someone else better than she does treat you.

Despite the fact that you state that "... we have kind of an older sister and younger brother kind of relationship", it is not really true. One does seldom get infatuated in his own sister, that is sick and perverted.

You clearly want something from that girl and it is not happening and that is why you find excuses why her behavior has changed.

Be a man and forget about her. Treat her no better or worse as you would treat anyone else at the gym and things will get back in place by themselves.

[Emmamma]

So, it's that her behaviour has not changed. It's all in my head. Right?
I do not want anything with that girl except exactly for how it was.

[SueShe]

Her behavior has not changed but your perception of the situation has since this new guy came into the gym and you are no longer the only one that has a view on her.

[Emmamma]

Actually, because of these things, I have been talking to her less. Could it be that because of this, she thinks that I am avoiding her and that's why? He is actually present from way before. I came later into her life.

[SueShe]

probably because you give her the impression that you are distancing yourself from her.

[Emmamma]

Talking to her about this is probably not a good idea. To normalise the situation, what can I do?

[SueShe]

Just behave normally and don't try anything you would not do normally.

[Emmamma]

If ther was a difference, do you think I will be able to earn it back?

[Emmamma]

Help me lady

[SueShe]

I don't think it will be back as before but I don't know her and it's up to your abilities to try.

We will end this thread here. Thanks.

[Emmamma]

Do you think there is even some difference from her end or its just all in my head?

[milfordbravo]

I really like what this previous said you're playing the brother sister card you're girlfriend and she might be doing that to you and your getting upset.

[Nikki1989]

We seem to be missing some context here. Give her a chance to share her perspective without interrupting. Try to understand her perspective and be open to compromise.

[Emmamma]

I cannot ask her directly. Basically, the (20M) guy shares things about his life. A lot so. And both of them like to gossip a lot. That's not the case with me.

[slatyb]

That's life. You could ask her.

[Joe_Kirk]

Who give a fuck about people at gym! Come on man

[In_Trance]

This is retarded