Actually busy or no longer care?

[Anonymous]

So there's this girl that I've now known for 2 years and we're great friends. She used to like me when we first met but the feeling wasn't mutual. We would go out twice a week or something but that was until July. She went on vacation with her family for like 3 weeks and we stayed in touch while she was gone. She came back mid August and I asked her when she was free to go out and she said she was really busy the next couple of days because school is almost starting and things along those lines (I'm 17 and she's 16 by the way). It's now mid October and we haven't gone out since, we are still in touch and we talk a lot, and she invited me to a party on Halloween although I wasn't able to get tickets before the deadline. Keep in mind that 90% of the times we hung out she was the one who proposed the idea of going out. I want to ask if she's free this weekend so we go out but I don't know if she still likes the idea of going out with me because if she wanted she would've said you know. Also I forgot to mention I did tell her I like her last week but she said she likes another guy that she told me about before. I didn't really care that much but I don't think this changed anything friendship wise since she invited me to the party after that happened and everything is pretty much the same. Please tell me what you think and feel free to ask for any more details.

Updates

1 y

I asked if she's free for the second week in a row now and she said she isn't free. Might just have to let it go to be honest.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude that's a tough one. On one hand, she has been legit busy with the start of the school year and said she liked someone else. But on the other, she still talks to you a lot and invited you to that party.

A few things I'd consider:

- She may value your friendship enough to keep things normal even after you told her your feelings. Doesn't mean she wants more.

- People do get busy, but 4 months without hanging seems like she's cooling things off romantically speaking.

- Asking her out again so soon after getting shut down could come across as pushy. Better to give her space.

- Going to the party together could be as friends to keep things chill. But don't wanna set yourself up either.

My advice - hit her up, but keep it casual. Like "hey, was thinking of grabbing dinner this weekend if you're free. No pressure if not." See what she says. If she’s not down, don’t push further for now. Let things unfold naturally and focus on other options too man. The friendzone sucks but respecting where she’s at is important to keep things cool either way. Hope it works out for ya!

[Asker]

Just asked her a few hours ago she said she isn't free this weekend but she is available next week and asked if I was free. I said yes but then we got into a small disagreement about how she thinks that I'm too non chalant these days it ended with both of us just saying it doesn't matter and leaving it off. I don't know if this affects anything but I'll see what happens next week. Thanks for your advice though!

[Oliverlogan263]

Ahh man, that's a weird mixed signal kind of situation. On one hand, it's good that she offered up being free next week instead of just leaving it open-ended. But it's also kinda odd that she accused you of being too nonchalant or whatever - like what's that about? Girls can be so confusing sometimes!

I wouldn't read too much into the little disagreement. Sounds like she just wanted to stir up some drama for no reason. As long as you both dropped it and said it doesn't matter, I wouldn't stress too much about what she meant by that.

Maybe hanging out next week will give you a better vibe of where her head's really at. Just go with an open mind - don't go in expecting it to be awkward after what she said. Keep it light and fun like you usually do. If she's still acting off or distracted on the "date", then yeah maybe it's time to move on. But she could've just been in a weird mood when she said that too.

Try to clear your head til next week. Hang with the boys, hit the gym, whatever helps you relax. Don't overthink it and psych yourself out before you even see her. She said she's down to hang so take that as a good sign for now. Just go with the flow and see how it plays out. Keep me posted on how it goes! Fingers crossed she was just PMSing or something when she got all moody on you.

[Asker]

Yeah I'm trying to not think about it even though it's really hard but I do have plans for the weekend with the boys so hopefully that gets my mind off of it for a while. Again thank you so much , you really seem like you understand me. I will keep you updated.

[Oliverlogan263]

For sure dude, hittin up the boys is the perfect move right now. Nothing takes your mind off one girl like hangin with the crew!

You've gotta treat yourself right and have some fun this weekend. Too much time brooding over text arguments never solved anything. Clear your head and just enjoy your pals. Who knows, maybe you'll even bag a new number while you're out!

But yeah, try not to stress too much till you see her next week. Easier said than done, I know. But you'll be way more relaxed and charming once that day comes if you can distract yourself. And hey, if she's still on one then forget it - you'll be over it by that point too!

Just take it easy man. Girls come and go, the boys are for life. This convo's always here if you need more advice too, gotchu. Now go blow off some steam!

[Asker]

Yo bro, I want to know what you think about the update is it done for good or could she actually be busy?

[Avicenna]

People are usually flaky at your age- their interest in someone can change faster than the weather. I think that may be what's happened here.

[Asker]

Yeah that seems to be the case with everyone these days, even me sometimes to be honest. Should I ask her though?

[Avicenna]

Yeah, just don't be surprised if you get a less-than-forthright answer.

[Asker]

Why would that happen?

[Avicenna]

Happens quite frequently. Maybe not in your case.

[Anonymous]

You’re overreacting just keep talking to her and get together on the weekend

[Asker]

I do that sometimes 😅. Thanks a lot though!

[Opinion Owner]

Sure…

[Anonymous]

You are overthinking this too much.

[Asker]

Yeah that's probably the case. Thank you!