Desperately need help. Is this the end?

[Anonymous]

The girl I date for the past year, shows signs I can't understand.

We started dating a year ago, the past 5 months were serious relationship. We had trips together, lot of memories. I love her to pieces. But I see things that worry me a lot.

• She "does not use facebook" thats why she is not adding me. Yet she has new "friends" every week (only girls in the recently added).
• No pictures on our travells, yet when she is with her girlfriend she takes hundreds
• Never anwsers phone, only a sorry SMS when she is not anwsering. Only way to call her is discord. (lol?)
• Always reschedule things, in the end they happen, but never on time.

Why I haven't broken up yet?

• Whenever we meet she jumps in my neck with a tight hug.
• Very long discord calls, usually 2-3 hours long.
• Planning future together. We are already planning trips together in December, February and possibly January (this depends on work schedule for both of us).
• Always wants to pay for things (not golddigging)

I really don't know what to do. Literally crying while typing this because I truly love her and fear I lose her.

29M - 25F

[Oliverlogan263]

Bro, this is a really tough situation you're going through. I can tell you really care about this girl and you're worried that something might be going on. It's understandable to feel that way, especially with some of the red flags you're seeing.

The fact that she's constantly rescheduling plans, not answering your calls, and adding new "friends" every week on Facebook is definitely sketchy. And the whole discord thing instead of regular phone calls is just weird. Those are all signs that she might be hiding something.

But at the same time, the way she jumps into your arms when you see each other and the future plans you're making together show that she cares about you too. The fact that she wants to pay for things also suggests she's not just using you.

So I get why you're so conflicted and scared to end things. You really do love her, and you don't want to lose that. But you've also gotta trust your gut, bro. If something feels off, it's probably worth looking into a little deeper.

My advice would be to have an honest, open conversation with her about what's been going on. Don't accuse her of anything, but express your concerns. See if she can give you some reassurance or explanations. If she gets defensive or won't communicate, then that's another red flag.

You deserve to be with someone who is fully transparent and committed to you. Don't be afraid to put your foot down and stand up for yourself, even if it's scary. Better to face the truth now than get hurt down the line.

I know it's not easy, but try not to stress too much. Take a deep breath, talk to her, and go from there. Whatever happens, you've got this, man. Don't lose hope - the right person for you is out there.

[Anonymous]

Take what I say with a grain of salt because obviously no one can offer you full insight into her thoughts, only she can do that.


Anyway I’ve been in two LDRs, and based off that I believe different things can be taking place here. For one, the relationship may not feel very real to her unless she’s with you in person. It’s clear that you love her more, and as a result you’re really fighting for this relationship and trying to keep the silver linings in her viewpoint. Like you trying to make plans to see each other, telling her there’s only a year left, basically reminding her to keep her eyes on the prize in one way or another. But what if she can’t? You seem like a really good guy, and I’m sure she doesn’t want to lose that, but despite your reassurance after a while distance really does it’s thing and some people can’t handle it.
Missing someone so much becomes depressing, talking about the same things, fishing for new topics, it’s hard to want to maintain contact through the phone vs in person. It would be nice if at least her friends could back you up, but I’m willing to bet that for the most part they aren’t on your side. They don’t know you like that, don’t see you in person or with her, as if you aren’t real.


She just may not be cut out for an LDR, and that is a hard idea when you’re in love and want things to work, but you aren’t dumb. You can see the signs, feel the vibes, you know what’s going on.

[Asker]

I always try to be the best, not always works out, but I keep trying.

I wanted to visit her every week for a few hours (travel is 5h) after work on Fridays (I can't stay at her place since it is shared and the workpalce is providing it for her and one colleague (also female). She politely declined, meeting every 2-3 weeks is okay. I fear that she doesn't see it as a real relationship, just can't really say it.

It's very hard for me to connect with people, but with her it was very easy. She is pretty much me but in a female body. And I feel like I should let her go, yet shedding tears every time I think about that.

[Opinion Owner]

I’m sorry dude, it’s such a hurtful situation, I’ve been there and you’re valid. I know you love her but at some point you have to really start asking yourself what you’re getting from this relationship in present time.

It sounds like the best things are reference points and milestones right now; like your relationship was great in the beginning (first few months), and you have plans for what you wanna do in the future. But how much is happening in present time that makes staying in this relationship worth it? The fact that she jumps in your arms when she sees you or stays on the phone a few hours? Of course I’m sure there are other things you didn’t mention, and both of those are great things, but not enough to put yourself through heartache, disconnection and uncertainty.

No person is worth that because someone who truly loves you would not cause all that. You’re a good guy, I mean you’re willing to drive 5 hours each week to see her and basically turn right back around to home since you can’t stay. But the fact that she turns down things like that, doesn’t make any other plans, barely talks, doesn’t call, is ok seeing you only once a month… it makes her investment into the relationship questionable compared to yours.

You don’t have to decide today or even this month, but make your decision based off her involvement, her behavior, her actions; not the last or what you wanted to happen in the future.

[Asker]

It hurts, but you are right...

[MissTrix]

This sounds kinda like your her safe boyfriend! She has you and does not care to put effort into the relationship. Like guys do often.

Ops she missed you well you will still be there. Omg friends post and of a cute guy likes it well I have a boyfriend but give me the single girl attention online please!

Give her a talk and your right she probably won't give you the things you want. It's her personality.

How often do you two meet? Once a week or monthly?

Does she stick to her future trip plans? If so then she is a future planner and your there for her for those trips.

She is a very something girl and she wants a boyfriend who will put up and shut up till she wants you there.

Agree wanting to pay for this is amazing! Good luck and if you can handle this we'll look more for the little thing alike your habits mixing and doing chores the small stuff. Cause adulting married is mostly the every day to day stuff. Good team or are you doing the work while she trips with her bestys!

[Asker]

It is a LDR, we accepted it from the start, due to studies it will be LDR for 1 more year. We only see each other every 3rd-4th weekend, basically once a month.

I wrote in the post, she usually reschedule those trips. They will happen but not in the originally planned way.
Example: last trip was scheduled for Oct. 31-Nov. 3rd (due to local holiday, long weekend). It was rescheduled, due to her friends came to visit her (from an other city) to celabrate her birthday which was a week earlier. According to her it was a surprise party and she only know it a week before it happened.
The trip was rescheduled to Nov. 15-17 which was again rescheduled due to work lunch to No. 16-17.
In the end we finally went on a trip together but it wasn't easy...

[MissTrix]

Then either you accept your her safe boyfriend and only there for her when she wants or end it.