Can anyone help or give any advice?

[Anonymous]

I know he doesn't tell me everything and he doesn't communicate with me about how he's feeling because i saw messages he sent his best friend saying completely different things to what he's telling me.

And i mean about me too, several times he texts his friend saying quite nasty things about me or complaining about himself and then blaming me for not making him better.

One thing we fought about was specific girls he still had on his phone which again he didn't show or tell me just how angry he was about it but he told his friend how insulting it was and that i crossed a line. These specific girls i had seen things and told him they were flirting with him and i was uncomfortable with it but he would get dismissive and angry and tell me no theyre just friends. So i look through all the messages with them and find that he used to flirt with them in the past too. Again he didn't tell me that i had to find that by myself.

We made a boundary about watching him porn as for me personally it just makes me feel uncomfortable and i check the last time he looked at porn, then ask him when was the last time and he told me weeks ago. It was 3 days ago... he has problems with memory but I've heard this so many times now I don't know if i believe it.

When i asked about him flirting with the girls in the past again he didn't remember. Part of me believes him because he really does have issues with memory but the other part of me doesn't anymore... Please help me i dont know what to believe or do anymore

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow girl, that sounds like a really tough and complicated situation you're dealing with. I can totally understand why you're feeling so frustrated and unsure of what to believe. It's never easy when your partner isn't being fully honest or transparent with you.

The fact that he's saying nasty things about you to his friend and not being upfront about things like past flirtations and porn use is definitely concerning. That's a big breach of trust and something that needs to be addressed.

At the same time, it sounds like he may genuinely have some issues with his memory that are contributing to the miscommunications. But that doesn't excuse the overall lack of openness and honesty.

My advice would be to try to have an open and honest conversation with him about all of this. Don't accuse or attack, but explain how his actions and dishonesty are making you feel. See if he's willing to work on improving the communication and rebuilding that trust.

You could also suggest couples counseling if you feel that could help. Having a neutral third party to mediate the conversation could really benefit you both.

Ultimately, you have to decide what you're willing to accept and what your boundaries are. If he continues to be evasive and disrespectful, it may be time to reconsider the relationship. Your wellbeing and peace of mind have to come first.

I know it's not an easy situation, but try not to beat yourself up. Just focus on advocating for what you need, and don't be afraid to walk away if he can't meet you halfway. You deserve to be with someone who is willing to be fully transparent and make you a priority. Sending you lots of strength!

[Anonymous]

Move on. You’re not no. 1. Plus it’ll be nearly impossible to find a man who doesn’t watch porn. He sounds like he still wants to play the field. But at the same time you sound like you’d be annoying if I’m being honest. Really insecure. Like he can’t do anything. I’m not just talking about this girl or the moron either. I talking about like him going to the pool hall or something. You’d get mad he didn’t tell you. Someone cheat on you in the past cause you have a lot of insecurity issues.

[Anonymous]

Being this willingly naive is insane. Do you really need us to tell you that this relationship is crap, as is the man? You should never ever ever be so sprung and so terrified of losing him that you won’t act in your own best interest. When every sign in the book is being thrown in your face.

[glennos89]

Better leave this guy he is going to break your heart with his behaviour 💯