Can Anyone Give Me Advice?

[Anonymous]

I have a situation that I'm needing some advice on. Please be kind.

I am a Christian, and my dad recently passed away, like a month ago. It's been super hard on my mom, and we've been trying to help her as much as possible, and be considerate of her mood.

There is a guy who has expressed interest in me, and wanting to honor my mom, it's only natural that I want her to know about it before continuing with this potential relationship. It's something I don't want to keep from her. I have waited to tell her about it, because she's been really sad about my dad. I don't know if it is honorable to keep this from her for very long though.

How/when should I tell her? I don't want to add another situation on top of what she's going through, but I also don't want this to stay secretive either.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey no problem, I know that's a really difficult situation to be in. Dealing with a parent passing away is so hard, especially for your mom. As for telling her about the guy, I wouldn't rush into it just yet if I were you. Your mom is probably still grieving real bad over your dad, it hasn't even been two months. The last thing she needs right now is any extra stress.

I'd give it at least another month or two before saying anything. In the meantime you could kind of gauge how she's doing and if she seems like she's feeling any better. Make sure to spend lots of time with her and be supportive however you can, cook her meals, help out around the house, stuff like that. She really needs your support right now. Once maybe 6 weeks or 2 months have passed, see how she's holding up emotionally. If she seems to be doing a bit better and not crying as much, that would probably be a good time to talk to her.

When you do talk, I'd keep it really low-key and casual. Like one night when you're both at home, tell her you want to talk about something. Reassure her it's nothing bad, just say you've been hanging out with this guy from school or work or wherever and you really like him. Make sure she knows it's super early on and casual, not like you're bringing home a boyfriend already. Let her know you just wanted to be open and honest with her since you respect her so much. Thank her for listening and being there for you through everything with your dad.

I think if you approach it gently like that after giving her more time, she'll appreciate you opening up to her. Just go slow and be there for her through the hard times too. Hope this helps give you some idea of when/how to bring it up! Let me know if any other questions come up.

[Asker]

Very good advice! Thanks!

[Oliverlogan263]

My pleasure luv

[DextroShade]

The two things should have nothing to do with each other. If your mom needs time then give her time, then bring it up. The idea that you shouldn't date because your dad died is fucking stupid.

[Asker]

First of all, you don't need to use foul language to make your point. Secondly, the reason why I have waited to tell her is because she would be getting involved by asking him a bunch of questions and talking with him. And I don't want to put that on her while she's still grieving.

[Lisaasker]

I think you should talk to her because I think she will understand. Then talk about ways you can all spend time together and talk so she'd feel better like she knows someone cares about the situation you all are going through.

[Lara_Croft]

Play for the Holy Spirit's discernment Isaih 30 vs 21. Condolences, it is well

[Asker]

Thank you! I wasn't expecting that! One of the best answers yet!

[DJB72]

Christian to Christian I'd say don't say anything until you know where the relationship is going. A month after your dad dies is a crazy time to get into something new. Guard your heart.

[laly520]

wait for a month or so then tell her if u want to

[OtterMan68]

you mom should be happy for you. Your relationship should have nothing to do with her mourning

[Asker]

She would be the one talking to him and getting to know him before I do. And I just don't want to add any extra stress right now.

[Nice222]

I would tell her. It might help her take her mind off of her situation and be more interested in your situation.