Need some advice from anyone if possible?

[Anonymous]

So long story short, me and my partner have known each other for about 3 years now. We've been together for 2 years and we get along well most of the time.

However, when we come across some disagreements, we explode and go into a heated argument and start calling each other names and blaming each other. For example, I left a bag of opened popcorn on the countertop, she accidentally knocked it over and told me to pick it up as I left it there and it shouldn't be there in the first place. She also doesn't speak to me until I apologise in any arguments. What should I do?

Whenever I ask her why she's acting like this, she would always say "I should have an opinion". I know it may sound one-sided but I'm Happy to go more into details if anyone is interested in giving me some help. I have tried seeking therapy but I don't know if it's worth it.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to get a good read on this situation without actually seeing what happens myself, but I think 90% of it is how you approach the situation. As soon as you get angry and start yelling it creates a whole new set of issues. No one likes to be disrespected. Even if you were 100% not at fault at first, you're definitely creating a new problem by getting too emotional.

On top of that, I think it's important to consider how the other person feels. Usually, emotional explosions over small/silly things are a culmination of many smaller annoyances that have been building up over time, until the tv remote is in the wrong place one day and you just fucking lose it lmao. Not that it's a healthy reaction, but it happens. My girlfriend would likely just clean it up and blame the mistake on her clumsiness, but I can also imagine a situation where maybe this isn't the first time something was left something out that she may have knocked over. Maybe, to her, this is the millionth thing you've left in her clean kitchen and she could be tired of feeling like she's constantly cleaning up after you. I don't know your relationship well enough to make those assumptions, I'm just spit-balling here, but I think it's VERY important to know where that intensity is coming from. As men, we have a strong desire to win confrontations, to prove our point, so much so that we can ignore how the result makes another person feel. In survival, that doesn't matter. In relationships, both intimate and non, it can cause a lot of tension.

When my girlfriend and I get into an argument and then talk it out, the problem usually boils down to misinterpretation from both sides. If it gets to a point where she's walked away to get some space from me, that's usually a sign, to me, that there's something I'm not seeing. 99% of the time, it's the way I've said something that hurts her feelings, not what I've said.

A couple months back I was trying to convince her that the rice she was cooking wasn't done and needed to be steamed longer. She was convinced, since it was pan fried before steamed, that it was supposed to be a little crunchy. She just wouldn't hear me, so I eventually got pretty frustrated and in a moody tone said "fine, cook it how you like, but I'm not eating undercooked rice". She basically threw the spatula across the kitchen and stormed out (x Now, was I wrong? Technically, I was correct, but the way it was coming out felt like I was talking down to her. The way I was speaking from the start made her feel as though I was insulting her intelligence. The problem wasn't the rice, it was how I was treating her.

Just saying, sometimes things are more complicated than they appear on the surface and you'll never know until you talk it out. Orrrrrrr maybe she's just an argumentative person and I spent 5 paragraphs rambling for nothing lmao

[Opinion Owner]

I would like to add that I think it's important to also stand your ground in those conversations and make a point to let your own feelings be known, after the resolution. Like, even though my girlfriend and I still talked it out and eventually finished cooking that rice meal, I still made her aware that I wasn't okay with how she acted as well. Without that, you sort of start building this pattern of aggression/defensiveness all the time and start arguing over dumb petty shit constantly

[Guy13]

Keep going to counselor...

[missniki222]

I think it happens in a lot of relationships even with family relationships. The only one that can hurt you is someone you love unfortunately. My relationship with my man this has happened quite a bit, we've been together 8 years. When someone hurts you I think its kinda natural to want them to feel the way they made you feel. at least that how I feel.

[DaddyDiablo]

Your moving to fast or not at each other's pace