Why not caring and not being very interested about women is so powerful?

[see_all_colors]

After a bad relationship that ended a year ago I [M28] just wanted to just date casually and have fuck buddies, so a year ago a started using Tinder. In the last year I had several fuck buddies and several ONS and one thing sticks with me and I just can't figure out on my own why the fuck is it like that.

Basically, I am always honest with these women, I say right at the start what I am looking for and if there is chemistry we hookup and see where it goes. My current attitude about women, dating, FWBs and hookups is that I don't try so hard. I try enough to see if there is connection and chemistry and that's it. If any of these women is not interested or not interested in friends with benefits after few hookups, I forget about her and just continue with everything. My day will be the same in both cases.

But the thing that seems so fucked up is that the more I am casual about everything, the more interested they are. I am not even ambitious in terms of work and life, and some of them don't even like my sense of humor. To clarify, these are women in range mid-20s to mid-30s with normal life and many of them with successful careers. Also, I hear the same things from my friend who is in similar situation.

So I just want to hear opinions from ladies, why is it like this? It feels like if I was genuinely interested in these women and show them that I am interested that they would get bored after a week... Few of them admitted that it seems fun for them if they could try to "convert" me into relationship "mode" which of course didn't happen because I am not in the mood for anything serious.

So, hopefully I explained my situation well and would love to hear from women's perspective why many women act like this?

[meepmeeperton]

Casual sex can be very thrilling for most women. They get lonely and horny like any human with a functioning libido, even if they have relatively normal/professional lives.

In my opinion, basically the opposite of what that pink account said is true. Women don't do hookups because they know they can "do better" it's the complete opposite. You only being interested in something casual and willing to move on if they don't agree to that signals that you can get laid any time you want and can do better yourself if she's not down with that. It shows that you have value which is why it's thrilling for them to chase after you and try to convince you to change sometimes. The idea that "no serious woman" would do that is also totally wrong, as proven by your experience with supposed serious women abandoning their morals to sleep with you.

[see_all_colors]

what you said makes sense, because I know that I always can and will find someone good for sex, so I am relaxed.
Also to add, I don't think these women abandoned their morals, I simply said that they were "normal functioning" women and not just some "hoes".
I like your answer, thanks.

[meepmeeperton]

Yeah, don't get me wrong it's not like they're totally abandoning their morals. It's more like, they prefer to have certain "rules" such as not doing anything casual. They will break those rules when bored and horny and the opportunity presents itself with certain guys like you. The fact that you aren't ambitious with your career even helps because it lets them think "oh I'll just have some fun with this guy, he's not the kind of guy I would date though". By the time the average woman gets to a guy she "would date" she essentially HAS hoed around with many others lol, she just doesn't present herself as a hoe. I'm not even judging, but it's important to be aware of as a man.

[Anonymous]

I mean you’re attracting a certain type of woman, the type who wants to sleep around casually. No serious woman who wants something real would go for that.

It’s also a fact that when you’re less invested and don’t really care about the outcome you seem less desperate and desperation is just not attractive and it can seem you’re putting yourself and your own value below her, s signalling she can do better and you know it.

Their ego also want the doesn’t seem to want them to want them.

The same is true for women when it comes to men. The less you care the more they try and the more they want you. If you actually fall for them then all of a sudden they back off and don’t want you anymore. That’s on them wanting the chase, or even thinking they really want you - until they have you and lose interest because they now got their ego boost and need to move on to the next chase.

[see_all_colors]

Thanks, very cool answer. I would wanna add that I met women on apps that weren't interested in just hookups but in something serious. We talked about it and I said straight away that I am not into that. Still, some of them had the need to try to "change my mind" although I was very clear about it.

[genericname85]

because not caring means you have less responsibility. it feels liberating. but also you're getting none of the nice things that these obligations came with. and since untill recently you still had that, you're not yet feeling the urge. but that will come eventually and then you remember why you had that in the first place.

[see_all_colors]

you are right about not feeling the urge, but I am a little bit "worried" because if I wanted to be in relationship and show someone that I care about them... it seems now that it would be kind of turn-off for them... That's based on this experience.

[genericname85]

well you are kind of a turn off to them if you don't care unless you got a mentally damaged girl. so you might not even wanna take it if someone wants you exactly like that, cause that's not good.

[genericname85]

it's ok to be like this for some time. i think that's a healthy part of breakup if it doesn't just stay like that forever.

[see_all_colors]

well, from their story and everything I saw they don't look like a damaged women, but I am not an expert of course

[genericname85]

who's "they" xD i was speaking about you personally. and yes it is sensible not to want damaged women xD that's exactly what i was saying.

[see_all_colors]

sorry, I misunderstood your answer then

[genericname85]

it happens :D

[chilldude33]

It's all about looks. Obviously no hook-ups are happening if you don't have the looks. But a good-looking person caring? That would be odd, cause why would they? That ruins the halo and brings you back to average person vibes.

[Avicenna]

Sounds like all parties are getting what they want

[Anonymous]

More powerful is to avoid sex altogether