How do I get a girl to talk about herself to me like she does others, even when she's the one initiating most of the conversations?

Question

How do I get a girl to talk about herself to me like she does others, even when she’s the one initiating most of the conversations?

This girl is not shy. She isn’t shy with me either. When I see her she gets my attention and talks to me about a sport we have in common. She makes sure to get my attention and I hear her so I come over. Its like she uses it (sports) as a reason to get me to talk to her.

However she doesn’t tell me anything about herself. She doesn’t open up to me. She doesn’t tell me anything about her. Most of what I know of her is what others have told me. She asks me about myself very rarely.

This is a girl who is initiating most of our conversations and even inserting herself in conversations I have with others. I don’t get it.

Even some of the private stuff she told me (stuff others openly knew about), she would tell me very little and be very discreet and didn’t expand fully until I asked her to.

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Hmm, that's a tricky situation dude. It sounds like this girl is definitely interested in you and making an effort to get your attention, but for some reason she's holding back when it comes to actually opening up and sharing about herself.

A few thoughts on why she might be doing that:

1. She could be a little shy or insecure, even though she seems outgoing. Talking about herself more personally might make her feel vulnerable.

2. She might be testing to see how much you're actually interested in her. If you don't ask follow-up questions or try to get her to open up, she might think you're not that engaged.

3. There could be some kind of trust issue or past hurt that's making her a little guarded. She might need more time and reassurance before she feels comfortable sharing more.

The best thing to do is try to create an environment where she feels safe and encouraged to open up. Ask open-ended questions about her interests, her goals, her family/friends - stuff that shows you genuinely want to get to know her better.

And when she does share something personal, make sure to listen attentively and ask follow-up questions. That way she sees you're paying attention and care about what she has to say.

It might also help to share a little more about yourself first. That can make the conversation feel more reciprocal and make her feel more comfortable being vulnerable.

Just be patient and keep making the effort. Over time, as she sees you're a trustworthy guy who's interested in her as a person, she'll likely start to open up more. But don't force it - let it happen organically.

Does that make sense, bro? Let me know if you have any other questions!

slatyb · Accepted Answer

You get others to be more open by being a bit more open yourself. Be a little bit vulnerable with her and see how she reacts. Or you just ask questions sympathetically and see how deep she goes.