Why do men most of the time have to initiate the conversation to socialize with a woman.. especially Men having to cold approaching women, instead of women cold approaching me too.. fair is fair?
Is it because the fear of rejection? Women being more socially awkward?
I understand the man should lead the way and be confident and the woman follows, but why are women so resistant to being bold and going after the person they like?
If you want to know my source of info, this is years of research.. and reading replies from women, they sometimes say they’re extremely shy. But WHY?
Because women are inherently selfish. They will say they want to feel “chosen”. That must be a nice warm cozy validating feeling.
Well what about men? Ya think a guy might like to feel chosen too? Of course not. A guy is expected to take all the risk swallow all the rejection and never complain about any of it.
Another lie, women demand equality. No they don't. They want to pick and choose equality when it benefits them. They want men to change but they want no change to traditional dating behaviors because it is completely one sided in a woman's favor
That’s one small part of why I very seldom approach or respond to flirting from women. If you want to talk to me, just walk up and say hi. Forget the eye lock and smile routine. Forget the eye flutter or playing with your hair. It takes an exceptional woman to make me want to go through the traditional process. Or I’m really horny.
That’s your uninformed male intellectual perspective. Now read the women’s responses. The majority will say they want to feel chosen. What they won’t say is that they are scared to death of taking any risk.
@Luv2BRealExotic13 Well, the man and woman are technically settling for each other in a relationship. No one interpreted this as one person doing better than the other until you did.
@Chayce I still wasn’t saying that anyone is better than the other. The word choice did that. Like if you don’t want to be with that particular individual go do what you’d rather be doing.
@Luv2BRealExotic13 Chosen, picked or settled for. Regardless of the words being used, you and your significant other in the relationship chose each other. The man you're dating could've had 3 different options but decided to "choose" you or "settled" with you. How does that sound like they didn't want to be with you but "decided" to be with you in any situation other than one of you guys were doing better than the other?
@Chayce Did we? When verbalized it sounds like he had a roster but I wasn’t the obvious choice, a no-brainer. Clearly there were other people on his mind go be with said other people. It’s mostly my personality type if there sounds like any hesitation or indecision about being around me, go find who you’d rather be around. If I’m taking the time and effort to be around someone they can respect that in return. If the vetting process goes smoothly the hell are you holding back for if it’s not a personal lifestyle concern?
@Chayce Are you being serious? I’m being so serious. There were choices. Other options. A waste of my time. If he has to choose between me and another person, choose them.
@Luv2BRealExotic13 You need to have a bit more confidence lady. Self sabotage is causing you to miss out on potentially great relationships because you think you were the worst option when they picked you. Men don't "settle" for women until we get married or we have a kid and decide to marry or some other big commitment tying each other together. We can easily find another partner early on before fully jumping out of the window.
@Chayce I have plenty of confidence. I don’t really want a relationship, as I personally don’t see what exactly is beneficial for me being in one. Other than the obvious being him being healthy physically as well as mentally, and are we both financially stable? Other than that it’s purely time filler. Once again please by all means with that sentiment choose the woman you want. If you can’t then I actually have no answer, since I’m fine being single although that’s not everyone’s thing. Choosing/picking/tossing of a coin isn’t making someone feel special. It sounds obligatory like you don’t truly want to be with that individual. “Tying each other together” 😫 you make it sound really miserable. The hell are you trying to attach? Then the choice is jumping out of a window. Tsk tsk.
Leave it alone dude. This one is carrying her life's baggage around in her brain. She's riddled with insecurities and reads negativity into everything. Let her.
lol he was being negative, I wasn’t even thinking someone was better than the other. Dude interpreted that way with projections. All I said was this sounded obligatory. It’s the same argument if a man says: “if I didn’t like you I wouldn’t be here.” Most people are at jobs they don’t like. If I think you’re wasting my time and energy or I’m bored I’m leaving plain and simple. Go put energy into something you wanna do that’s all. That’s pretty fair Chayce sounds like a latcher, in 2025 women aren’t letting latchers hang on to us either. I was agreeing with Quigly, why didn’t he get the same energy?
There’s plenty of dominant women, and even in public when I sense a dominant women, they’ll still be super shy.. I guess it’s just not in them to start the conversation, well most of them at least. Awesome response man thanks
Women are smaller and weaker, Which is why women get all their strength through Choice. Letting a guy choose her is extremely dangerous. The wrong personality ( An arrogant guy ) is very dangerous for a woman.
I do, I cold approach girls I find attractive. But I’m wondering why don’t they.. I guess it’s an answer we will never know. But like stated above, a theory can be that we are conditioned to chase women, and women are conditioned to run 🏃♀️
@Jove79 All good, I said that in general. I know a lot of women that approach, also know a lot of women who don’t approach. I think it is just a flip of a coin tbh. That is why I said choose a lane then subscribe lol
@Jove79 what would you be “letting slide?” I said I think it’s funny a 23 year old ( basically still a kid) is telling a near 40 year old man to “man up.” It was a poke at misterwack. Not sure what you’re not getting here.
@Kingofkings1992 I know it was a poke at the other guy. I said I let it slide for him telling me to man up, instead of telling him something rude back. I agreed with you. I completely knew what you meant. 👍
@MisterWack I didn’t take it as a figure of speech, because I don’t have to “man up” since I never said I don’t approach women, or that I was nervous. I guess it was a bit uncalled for. But I wasn’t bothered by what you said
You do not HAVE TO. You can sit there quietly and nobody will be mad at you for it. But as far as women initiating the conversation, I mean we can talk about this forever but it won’t change. It might happen but it is rare, and the reason it is rare is that we can get an embarrassing or negative reputation a lot faster than a guy can for doing that. If we do it one time where classmates or coworkers or friends know about it, we will be made fun of, if we do it two times, we lose social status and might be called sluts or similar words. That might not be true in every social situation it it often is true and, that is why.
Also to be honest if a guy will do it anyway, why do we need to do it...
Besides the troll remarks, good answers. But I don’t think a woman wouldn’t have to put up with any of those things, when it’s a stranger on the streets. That’s only in school or some place where someone has a reputation.
I didn’t mean for any of it to be troll remarks or snippy, maybe you mean the first part that says you don’t HAVE TO begin a conversation, I can see how that might sound like playing word games but I meant it sincerely, if I am in a social environment and a guy is just sipping his drink and checking his phone or whatever I don’t think there is anything strange or wrong. I just meant, you don’t have to do it, unless you are going for some type of outcome and then yeah you prob do have to do it.
However I will admit that I might sound a little annoyed on the topic bc it comes up here a lot and there is really nothing that anybody can do about it, really ever. Like if every girl on GAG said “you know, you’re right, we should start approaching men” it wouldn’t be enough to matter, there are how many billions of women in the world who are not on GAG. It is kind of like saying “if nobody would steal, I would not need to lock my door” or whatever, it's true but, people will never stop stealing so you can never stop locking your door.
I guess anything is possible but I wouldn’t expect these things to change, I guess is a better way to say it than saying they absolutely will never change.
JMO! Oh, about the “stranger on the streets” thing. Yeah we’re not doing that either, for a couple of reasons. One is it could get dangerous sometimes, the other is it’s really rare for me to be sure that nobody I know or will ever interact with again is around, that is, I do not spend much time walking by myself down crowded city streets far from where I live. I guess this situation might happen while you are traveling but, that is going to be a really low percent of the girls you encounter I think. Anyway, again JMO!
That is weird and out of left field, I went out of my way to answer your question, I really have no idea what you are complaining about at this point. OK, I will block you since I guess we have extremely different ideas of how to communicate. Nothing really that personal but, I’ll block you soon as I remember how.
Have you ever heard of a female getting kicked out of a public place for introducing herself to a guy? That happened to me from my local gym that i was a regular at for 3 years.
It's not THAT rare. Gals do it with me now and then. Besides we are talking about basic socialising. Just having a conversation is not flirting and much less making a move. It's as threatening to their reputation as wearing their favourite bands shirt.
Disagree, men have more to lose now days than women. False accusations, being called a creep / desperate if undesired, me too’d and cancelled online for looking at a girl in the gym etc.
Because making the first move is generally a "mans" thing, women didn't make it this way, years of this being the norm has. When a woman has to make that first move it puts her in her masculine energy and by default the man is forced to take on the feminine energy and if of the two of them she is the more aggressive one then you end up with an alpha female energy and that's not her fault. Someone has to lead. I've done this lots of times and it was terrible because I'm not a leader so with some women, if your the man and refusing to make a move then that's your choice but either lead or be led, can't do both.
If you walked up to a guy you found attractive, and he found you attractive, and you gave him your number or social media, he will contact you and lead the way 100%.
But I totally understand what you are saying.. it’s just evolution and the way we are programmed
Different venues have different height hurdles to get over. Like in a nightclub, seeking to talk to a women can get get a reaction as though you asked her for a fuck on the floor rather than for a genteel fuck in the toilets.
At a cafe the hurdle is much lower, you can engage in conversation more readily and if there is a spark you can arrange to meet easily. After all you know she goes to that cafe, so the hurdle to asking her out is much lower albeit more ambiguous.
I like partner dancing venues because guys and girls have to be nice to each other for this too work. So the hurdle is even lower and asking a girl if she would like a drink at intermission is easy and a semi date that can be built on.
In general, women seem to be easier going in environments where they feel more secure.
The last part was very informative, thanks! So basically they’ll be more likely to initiate the approach and conversation if it’s at a venue.. and not just a random street where people commonly walk.. because a street in your city is too dangerous and they don’t want to approach someone, because it could be a bad person
Can be more low key subtle with what is normal a factor plus how aggressive male sexual interest is.
One girl in a micro skirt with a cleavage top and a push up is going to get more interest than if all the girls are dressed like that cause that is now normal.
I was talking to a girl who had just moved to my inner city suburb from an outer suburb and I asked her how she was liking it.
Quote "It's great. I can dress how I want to. I'd get myself raped back in xxxxx".
I don't think she really thought she would get pulled into a car but she would probably get 'Show us your tits' or 'How about a fuck' a lot. Contradictory to want interest and to be intimidated by it but it seems to be the case. Though there is a female spectrum. Some girls are pleased if guys yell 'Show us your tits'.
So yeah approaching someone on the street would be dangerous but chatting at a venue OK. Even more OK at a cafe than a nightclub. People go to nightclubs for sex but not to cafes for sex.
Well, women to pursue, in their own way. If a woman really likes a man, she will make herself available, and offer opportunities for that man to ask her out. Sometimes, women are really bad at this, because they will give subtle hints or just play hard to get, but women do take action. They just don't pursue the way men do, typically.
It is partly in due to fear of rejection. It could also be a bit of narcissism. But also, it's because women have an over abundance of options, which men do not have. So they have the privilege of just sitting back and watching men come to them. Men don't, so they have to make a move, because of they don't, another man will, or at least that's what men should think.
That’s absolutely right, I forgot about that.. and that’s true.. they have an over abundance of men wanting them, so why cold approach a man and start a conversation, when they have a lot of options already.. thanks for the response!
Women have the option so women do the picking, they choose and let the man that they want know that happens all throughout history, from using well known languages handkerchiefs, fans , calling cards, asking a guy to dance etc. initiating the the woman’s territory because the man will then do the rest like talk to the parents, organize dates etc.
Women have now gotten into workplaces to allow them more access to men and the social contract of traditional roles hasn't changed. Men are still expected to keep doing the "man" things they've been expected to do because women fear "getting a name for themselves" or as in they are more bothered by other's opinions than their ego can handle or they fear rejection while men are the ones being rejected far more often and their experiences are irrelevant. Where's empathy gone?
Maybe women COULD if they bothered made more of an effort then things may change but will they? Do they have the courage? Will power? Strength of character? Does the female ego still crave the thrill of being chased so THEY can gate keep the power of the introduction?
Ya know, freedom of speech. Men do not have to initiate conversations just like women do not have to. I believe men feel inclined to because of the stronger need to be in a relationship; that we are "the damsels in distress." Nevertheless, we can save ourselves once women break free of how we are taught. Women are taught to fear men, and men are taught to feel worshipped by tapping into their competitive nature. I'm speaking from a general standpoint; everyone does not need to feel this way. Every one of us has a right to choose, but cannot think straight if they feel cornered.
Relationships between males and females aren't governed by "fairness." They are governed by nature and millions of years of evolution that designed men and women differently to play different roles in a relationship and in a family. Men are designed to be the initiators in male female relationships. Fair or not fair makes no difference to nature.
It’s 2025 Equality.. remember. Women should initiate the conversation just like us men do. Women want equal rights, opportunities and status, so the least they can do is give men attention when they like one.. instead of acting all shy 🙈 and innocent looking lol
The problem is that the temporary fad of "equality" between the two genders doesn't overcome tens of millions of years of evolution in nature.
Doesn't matter how popular or unpopular that concept is. Again nature doesn't care about the latest social fad. 2025 is a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a second in the tale of evolutionary history.
I’m pulling your leg man, I know what you mean. You are right. Like others have said, it’s just that we are conditioned for the guys to put the effort while the woman plays hard to get 😇
Also, it is nature.. I agree with that too.. because lions who are the biggest get the females attention.. so animals even do it 🤔
@Jove79 I have the same problem. And what is worse, is I have had some blame me when the conversation didn't go the way she wanted. It's hard when I got to be the one that does the approaching. Comes up with the topic. And then needs to carry the entire conversation.
I have had the same problem with the same girl over and over again. Then the next girl, and the next girl. Carrying the conversation eventually gets tiring.
Because that's how people are conditioned to behave. But some are not like that. You said an old woman goes after young guys all the time so wheres the truth? I think lot of times guys have to do it because of gender roles still playing a part.
There's really no good logical explanation for this beyond "it's just tradition," "that's the way it's always been," and "it's just what you do." It's more about what's normal and accepted rather than anything logical.
But regardless in general, men are expected to be more active, and women more passive. So when people break out of those norms they can become judged by society.
Short answer: it’s a good way to see if you’ll be wasting your time. Men like “the hunt” to pursue and engage with who or what they have eyes on. If he’s not coming up to the woman first 9/10 he’s not that interested if at all.
9/10 men will walk right past a woman he absolutely finds attractive. If she felt the same, and initiated the conversation, they could have went out or something. But like you said men like the hunt, and women like to run 🏃♀️
Most of the time, the guy approaches the girl to start a conversation. That’s badass that you approach guys you like. If only there were more women like you 🙌 it should be an equal thing.. guys approach and girls approach.
Yeah as much as I'm a traditional woman i don't get the whole thing about guys having to be the ones to approach. If you like someone then just ask them out/for their number it's not difficult
Girls have a "protect the herd" mentality and we are the wolves in this scenario.
Really no different than other animals mating rituals with preening peacocks competing for the honor of being eaten alive by the female praying mantis...
That's a very good question. With all the bitching and moaning about equal rights, many many many women treated as some sort of buffet where they can simply take the parts of traditionally male roles that they like, and ignore the other parts that they don't like. Like making first contact.
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Because they’re women. Plain and simple. Women are adult children. They expect us to bend over backwards to do anything and everything we can to please them, while providing nothing of value themselves. Women are not even attracted to men. They are attracted to social status, financial security, and having someone strong who can protect them and provide for them. Women are the inferior gender. They talk all day long about wanting equality. They have demonstrated time and time again that they think equality means getting to pick and choose the aspects of equality that they like, while simply ignoring the aspects that they don’t like.
Because they always want to stand in judgement of men. This was true even before the feminist movements. Word: You will never be good enough. They will want to domesticate you and than will judge you for losing the edge that attracted them when they do. Never, ever give yourself fully to any woman. Keep your options open.
It's because cold approaching men is much more risky for women. She risks violence and injury in a way men do not. So society makes them protected, and the risk is shifted to men.
Yup. Welcome to the human race, friend; if you are male, you are expendable. It's just the way rthe species evolved. If we were seahorses, where men carried the offspring in their puches, it would be the other way round. As it stands, we need women to bear and care for the next generation.
That’s awesome! I didn’t know women cold approach random men in public, that they find attractive.. it’s hard to believe but awesome to find out you do it
i've long heard this being a huge or main reason why women see it as weakness if a man doesn't approach them, why its a sign of strength and courage, for this reason, women know that men have to risk potential rejection by walking over and talking to them, introducing themselves, and women feel that if a man is unable to handle the possibility of being rejected by a woman in that manner, how will he then be able to handle other rough things the world will throw his way?
He's talking about women he doesn't know, not someone he met before that he hit it off with. How many people really like starting conversations with complete strangers?
Because women wants to have the privilege of rejection. It flatters their egos. While risking being rejected isn't nice, so they leave that "gift" to men.
That was a club setting.. people are very social there. Would she approach you while she was walking, and you crossed paths walking down the street on a Sunday morning? Then would she ask you on a date for coffee?
Well I kinda have to.. if I don’t initiate the approach, none of us will talk.. all girls will just walk past guys and no interaction will happen.. I know maybe some girls go home sometimes wishing we would’ve approached
So if you are out and about running errands, if you liked the way someone looked, you’ll walk up to a man and tell him he’s handsome and grab his social media or number?
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