What would you do when your friend is being stupid (unsafe/unreasonable)?

[DishLady]

Was out with a friend and a guy approaches, paying (basic, respectful) attention to me.

The 3 of us chat. I'm careful not to shut my friend out by paying the guy too much attention. I especially make sure the guy keeps her company if I need to get up for food/bevs... OR ask HIM to please alternate to grab our order so my friend isn't alone bc she's shy and the place was SUPER packed.

2 other acquaintances unexpectedly join us. Everything seems fine -- good music, dancing, etc. A fun, simple night.

We're invited to a nearby spot with a live band. But we arrive and she immediately hits on EVERY guy there (incl. the bartender and band), gets completely trashed, doing inappropriate things that signaled she wasn't "herself" (or perhaps TOO MUCH herself, I don't know now).

The guy hanging out with us asks if she's ok. I smh and say I need to get her home... but she'd suddenly vanished (along with the bartender). Her phone's on the bar; there's no way to contact/find her (more importantly, no way she can reach me if she's in trouble). I nudge the guy and ask him to help find her. We do... and she's SUPER defensive, swiping at her smeared lipstick and yelling "How does it feel to be the third wheel?"

I don't even know what she's talking about! To me "third wheel" is when things are awkward bc one person is hanging out while the other two are too physical/engrossed, which WASN'T AT ALL what was happening.

TBH, she's EXTREMELY gorgeous, funny and smart, but for some reason she:
(1) chose to cheapen herself in that moment;
(2) chose to be unsafe even though we were all there making sure she felt safe;
(3) felt uneasy either way, so I'm basically helpless to comfort/comply at all;
(4) chose to rail against me though I was empathetic.

Guys are ALWAYS trying to get her REALLY DRUNK and I've ALWAYS been there as her big sister/chaperone, yet she seemed to binge drink and slut it up out of some sense of vengeance... WHY?

So now I'm putting it out to y'all... WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

[TheoreticallyGreat]

There's a level of drunk where one has lost all cognitive sense essentially. In my experience with these things you try your best to redirect the person. It takes so much energy to walk someone drunk around if they're really thrashed. I think you tried your best, and the alcohol brought out some true feelings or magnified hidden ones. Is she an angry drunk? How old is she?

I'd be carrying my friend out after a certain point. Then we'd have a nice long chat while they were nursing that hangover :)

[DishLady]

Super angry and condescending too. I didn’t know how she perceived me before. She’s 3-4 years younger and we spent the year hanging out so this was a surprise. And I explained to her that I drink less in the summer bc I can’t be dehydrated in the hot weather, but she would always put pressure on me to hit up certain places where the ONLY thing to do is drink… and she knows them all WAY too well. 🤷🏻‍♀️

That’s why I tried to do but she ended up running off with the bartender.

[TheoreticallyGreat]

Hey, you tried your best. Does she enjoy spending time with you WITHOUT alcohol involved?

[DishLady]

We try sporty stuff sometimes that she SAYS she’s into but then she claims she’s tired or something and we end up at a place where we can eat and have a drink. I hadn’t seen the pattern till this week.

[TheoreticallyGreat]

Yeah that's a big red flag, does she actually seem to enjoy your company?

[DishLady]

Who knows? I thought she did! I’ve been helping her out with some stuff and connected her with a few nice guys, but the guys also claim she’s weird. I don't know why.

[TheoreticallyGreat]

Huh. Have you sat down with her before and told her your concerns?

[DishLady]

Before this I just mentioned I don’t want to drink, that she also shouldn’t drink if she’s feeling tired, etc.

We’d discussed my driving if she’s tired…

But in the one moment where she clearly needed to be driven home this happened.

[TheoreticallyGreat]

Yikes 😬 yeah that's all completely unwarranted by her honestly. I'm sorry she did that to you

[DishLady]

It is what it is. I’ll just keep her at arms length from now on.

[TheoreticallyGreat]

I agree to that. If you ever want to chat more on the subject feel free to PM me :) I hope things go better for you in that friendship :)

[Grond21]

Is this the same woman as before?

It sounds like you're in a really hard situation. It also sounds like she has a very deep wound that she keeps trying to fill with cheap booze and shallow man attention.

What I would do might not be the same thing that you would do.

[DishLady]

I don't think I've mentioned this person before, no. It's ok. I'm asking your opinion so I can gauge my response to her comparatively with what younger people would have done.

[Grond21]

You must have a lot of beautiful friends then.

One thing I definitely would not have done is support her making mistakes that only hurt her. I wouldn't go out with her again if she made that way. And when she was sober, I would make it clear why.

[DishLady]

Lol. Yeah, there are always quite a few stars in the sky, you know.

No, I'm not going to go out with her again. I've texted her today about a separate topic and she didn't answer. I'm not going to prompt her to hang out again. We're ~4 years apart and she should be smarter than this. Someone about a year ago asked me if all women in their 40s go sexually nuts and I said no... bc I didn't suddenly flip from prude to poutana... but I guess some women DO... it's "the last hurrah" before the baby shop closes, I guess.

[Grond21]

And you seem to be blessed to be in the midst of a constellation.

It's sad for her that she's making a decision, but I completely agree with you. It's not worth supporting

[DishLady]

It’s is what it is.

[Grond21]

Yeah

[Spencer10]

Always tough but any friend of mine will know I respectfully speak my mind... and expect the same in return. If they cannot cope with this they will most likely not be friends long. If you cannot communicate with a friend whats the point right? So behavior like this would result in a conversation for sure...

[HawkPerception]

In vino veritas.

I would likely attempt to stop her that last time, but after that incident, I'd let her know I'm no

[HawkPerception]

Unsure why my comment got cut off. GaG devs are really failing boosting AI and not working on basic functionality.

continuing off...

I'd let her know I'm no longer responsible for her actions and let her do her thing, whether she wants to slut it out or whatever.

[HawkPerception]

I also mentioned after "In vino veritas." that was definitely her true self without any inhibitions.

[DishLady]

Hmm. Yes, agreed. I'm also being clear with her now that I'm not available to hang out with her in the future since this is how she behaves. It was pretty awful.

[HawkPerception]

Sorry you had to go through that. No one wants to have to parent their friends

[DishLady]

I know! She's not that much younger than me, so this was surprising. She's usually very mature and put together, so I don't know what this was.

[HawkPerception]

Age doesn't always correlate to maturity sadly

[DishLady]

True.

[worldscolide]

sounds like she needs to act more mature. Her behavior is that of a child. I dont hang out with people like that.

[DishLady]

Me neither. I was pretty surprised.