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There's this lady I started talking to on Facebook Dating in December last year. She says she's been in bad relationships and doesn't want to date right now. I met her once in person for Starbucks around the time we started talking, but it wasn't a date. She's not a quick responder, as she has kids and works, so it would normally be one response from her every day or few days. After a little bit, I was fine with her having my number and texting, but she didn't want that, and Facebook Dating is the only way we communicate now. She has told me before not to let her get in my way of finding someone to date and to keep my options open. I have done that, but after some people on there tried to scam me, I only use Facebook Dating to talk to this lady and I don't use any other dating apps at all anymore.
Anyway, I have tried to make other plans with her; not necessarily as dates, but just to see her again, but she always says she can't, and she has yet to initiate any kind of plan with me. There was one time a few months ago I tried and she initially said it was too cold, even though it wasn't that bad and I would've been doing the long driving, but then she told me it was something with one of her kids and an ex. I believe in 50/50 communication between either friends or a relationship, but it's possible she may not. Gender roles may lead her into not initiating plans. She is dealing with a custody case for both of her daughters with previous exes, and she has told me before it normally takes a long time before she meets anyone off FB dating in person. One female friend of mine believes, which I agree with, that I should keep talking to her, but still be open to meeting and dating other women. However, I decided to stop asking this one lady to hangout and it feels like she views me as more of a penpal. I'll talk with her, but I believe it's too one-sided and I'm sick of being the only one trying. Am I doing the right thing with this?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
6 months and you've only met once? Dude, move on. It's not happening with her
I understand she has things going on, and believe me, I have tried to talk with other women, even one that is my friends girlfriends sister. I have also stopped asking her to hang out unless she proves me wrong. I asked this question because of gender roles and that it's possible she may not feel comfortable initiating plans. A lot of women I have dated before have been like that, so it led me to thinking about if I am doing the right thing.
I have thought about just ending that conversation and not talking to her at all anymore. Believe me, I have. But I don't mind chatting with her, and I know she's real, and I don't want to take people for granted. There's way worse people than her out there, that's for damn sure.
If she wanted to spend time with you, she would. What's the point in chatting with her if it's not going anywhere? She's wasting your time and she'll keep waiting your time because you allow it
This is pure speculation as I don't know her side of the story entirely, but my guess is that she wants to have a stable chat with someone about her exes since she does like to badmouth them a lot. I think that's how she views me. I do see where you're coming from though, and I have thought about it.
If she just wants to talk about exes with you, that's even worse. You're in the friend zone.
Agreed, but I actually don't mind that too much. However, judging by "wanting to be friends", I don't see that working either.
She's not interested.
She is interested enough to keep chatting with me on there, but I think that's where it stops and it seems like she doesn't want anything more than that, even as friends. I did think about it a little more after posting this that she definitely knew I was interested, and if she asked, I would likely say yes, so I am starting to strongly believe I am doing the right thing here. And like I told the other guy who commented, I have thought about ending the conversation entirely.
Probably a wise move. What you'll probably find is an increase in her attraction levels. Women are funny like that.
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