Why do most men go for some very particular women?

[Anonymous]

Going anonymous to avoid conflicts. Don't get me wrong seeing the question, I'm not asking out of jealousy. However, I have a childhood friend who is extremely popular among guys. It's like they'd do anything to get her attention. As her friend, guys have often asked me to set them up with her. She gets at least 20 proposals a month and has a very high standard. She's beautiful but not the prettiest personality-wise. I've seen her reject people in extremely mean ways. With other people too her behaviour isn't good, she hurts people's deepest insecurities very easily. For example, she once publicly made fun of a classmate by referring to their family's financial condition because they wore a shabby-looking outfit. Many a times she has called other women ugly. There are bunches of girls at our class who are very beautiful or very smart or very talented and no way as mean as her. And interestingly enough, at least 90% of the guys from our class as well as from our department are ready to do anything for her. I find this to be a very curious thing. What can be the reason behind this?

[Anonymous]

Have to disagree with apple1996. Maybe boys like the men’s type, but grown men, hell no. We prefer peace. A nice lady who is loving, friendly, etc, etc. The only way I’d go for a girl like that is if I was just trying to nail her. It would be what you refer to as a hate fuck. Maybe these boys just want the challenge of trying to be the first to do whatever w her. Eventually time will pass. All these men who you say are flocking to her will stop knocking on her door. She will either wise up before too long or she will end up single. Her mentality is that she can get whatever man she wants so she can treat them however she wants. But that will all end. Reality will hit one day. She has a bad personality as you say. While looks draw men in like all these idiots who are flicking to her, her personality will chase them away just as quick. The problem in society too is that we as men complain about women who act this way but we enable it. Men tend to let women slide on their bad behaviors. That’s why you have a society full of women who think they can do whatever the hell they want like slapping men but no one checks them on it. So yes a lot of deranged women in society are because of men’s inability to call these women out on their shit. Some younger these women who can go around in society just thinking I can do whatever I want cause I’m a female. Time will put her in her place.

[HusamRocks]

She's easier to get in bed than other girls, and most guys aren't looking for a relationship as much as they look to satisfy their desires because they're not muture yet 👍🏻

[Anonymous]

Men absolutely go crazy over the mean girl type. Its just in their nature to be attracted to that. And they always say oh I want some nice girl but their actions say otherwise when searching for girls to ask out

[Asker]

Yes, that's the thing.

[j0han]

I disagree

[leahzrc]

Pretty priviledge is real. and she has money. I am poor and dirty looking but I am pretty so I just get used. People want to use her.

[Asker]

I understand that but why does she gets the pretty privilege more than others though? Specially, she's not at all a nice person. It's not that people approach her for casual relationships, they seem to want to build meaningful connections with her. She has money though, not super rich, upper-middle class I'd say.

[Asker]

*she get

[j0han]

Age will humble her. It seems her brain has become conditioned to external validation through dopamine pathways. Her self worth also seems overly linked to admiration or sexual attention, the withdrawal of this stimulus with age will lead to emotional dysregulation and depression. I would be extremely happy when she is at her lowest. Nevertheless, pretty privilege comes with expiry as well. And, upper middle class is not rich. This class just wants to present them as rich.

[leahzrc]

She is sinning

[Asker]

@j0han I remember her telling me once that she can't live without validation. You're right about the upper middle class, I too am from that section of the society and I can confirm it. However, I remember that once there was a girl in our class who she verbally made fun of because she 'looked poor'. I felt very uncomfortable about it. I used to talk to that girl, one day she told me that she was surprised that me and my friend were from a similar family because I wasn't as mean as her. Another time I remember her telling a mutual friend of many years to not buy a dress she liked because the dress was too pretty for her. Probably coming across another person like her would give her a reality check.

[j0han]

@Asker To be honest, almost all women receive validation from beta men that’s nothing new. What pretty privilege does is amplify the amount and frequency of those validation. But that still doesn’t justify her ungrateful and bitchy behavior. I have girlfriends who are conventionally attractive yet none of them openly shame other women the way she does. So no, her looks don’t excuse her actions. The issue seems psychological and that’s surely not some trauma shit. More likely she’s projecting her insecurities onto others but I’m not just interested in what she’s doing, I want to know why. I know this might sound contradictory to common sense how can someone with so much privilege still have deep insecurities? But that’s exactly where psychology diverges from common sense. Privilege doesn’t immunise someone from insecurities it often just hides it better. You mentioned you’re from the same family are you two related? And are you aware of what’s her relationship with her father like?

[Fanfare690]

There are books out there that men love bitches

[j0han]

Men love to fuck with the bitches… is the right phrase

[Asker]

Lol, that's true I guess

[Apple1996]

@j0han nope men date/marry bitches because they make good girlfriend/wives. A bitch to everyone else is going to be sweet to her man behind closed doors. Its the opposite for women who act nice in public are crazy behind closed doors

[Asker]

@Apple1996 it's not like that. Imagine calling your best friend of years unattractive and telling her that she can't wear certain dresses because her skin tone isn't as light. Or imagine insulting someone who has nothing to do with you because their family can't afford expensive stuff. Sure, she can be nice to her man but that doesn't mean that she's not 'acting nice'. I've seen her flatter richer/more successful people often. I personally don't like people pleasing so many may consider me to be cold. That doesn't mean I'll go out of my way to hurt my friends or people in general because I'm a cooler, richer , prettier person. Some people are honestly mean and it's not because they're not pretentious, it's because they're too proud of the things they possess and want everyone else to know that.

[Apple1996]

Yeah but most guys dont care about friend drama. They only care how that girl treats him

[j0han]

@Apple1996 Yeah that’s true… as long as she’s the sluttiest dirtiest version of herself behind closed doors, I don’t care about her drama. All I care about is making her submit and bending her to my will.

The only thing, I will not compromise is what I value and if she doesn’t have those morals then the depths of her throat won’t make any difference. Probably then such flesh is considered use and throw without any commitment

[Asker]

@Apple1996 it's not friend drama, I made reference to her best friend to suggest that she doesn't treat people who are close to her nicely at all. If a person is mean to everyone for no reason, that's their personality and slightest inconvenience in the relationship will bring that out, right? I'll never date a guy who treats people around him terribly because that person is like that. However, I wasn't talking about that, I was talking about the idea that she doesn't care to "act nice". She definitely flatters people who are richer or more successful than her so it's not like I'm mistaking her unfiltered genuineness as meanness. The moment she realises someone is lesser than her in something, she'll make sure that they know it. She has commented on my looks many times and yes I'm not beautiful. However, those comments were unnecessary. That's what I mean. Talking meanly about people's appearance, family issues, financial condition or illnesses does not make one straightforward or honest, that's downright mean and offensive.

[Anonymous]

She must be very physically attractive. For some guys, that trumps all.

[Asker]

Well, I want to say this as nicely as possible, but she's not extremely physically attractive. Attractive, for sure. But she doesn't definitely stand out among the other girls in my class. There are definitely girls who are taller, have better hair or more well-defined facial features. Then again, I'm a straight woman, men probably view attractiveness differently.

[Flower7]

Why be friends with someone who is mean?

[Asker]

I met her when we were both 11. It's been more than a decade. We're no longer close friends, it has been more like an acquaintance. When we met, she wasn't like this, teenage and early 20s made her meaner and meaner every year.

[Sam1133]

Stop being jealous of your friend

[Asker]

Well, I'm not jealous of her. I don't think I'm pretty either. But there are a lot of pretty girls and my friend is indeed very mean as a person. She insults people on a daily basis, we have a mutual friend and it bothers me how she almost everyday makes fun of her appearance. So I'm curious why do people like her despite her meanness. Why do you think good-looking people are beyond criticism though, lol.

[convo_king89]

Probably some kind of kink/fetish

[BarryLiverstone]

She’s better looking

[Asker]

It's definitely questionable because I find many other girls in my class to be similar to her or even better looking. However, I'm a straight woman so probably men view beauty differently than me so I get that. But when she turns people down she usually refer to their financial condition, family or looks and usually makes very brutal comments. People know that fact. A lot would still spend money on her, beg her to date them, do anything she says and so on. This thing makes me wonder what can be the reason behind that.

[Asker]

*refers

[BarryLiverstone]

Sounds like she’s not dating them so really doesn’t matter. They see her as attractive based on how she looks but they don’t become her boyfriend

[BarryLiverstone]

If you are straight and you have more respect and a better personality then no need to worry about her, you will have options for a boyfriend.

[BarryLiverstone]

I’d also say that if guys are spending on her then they lack confidence or experience. Have you seen guys who have lots of confidence buy her things?

[Asker]

No, I'm not worried about myself or anything. I've known her for 10+ years and I've been seeing this pattern for around 7 years. Her personality has undergone a lot of transformations and with time she's getting meaner. Therefore I'm just curious and hence asked this question here.

[BarryLiverstone]

If you are seeing a pattern and she’s getting meaner, then there is something underneath driving that. Sure she might be getting bitter as she sees how she can manipulate others and isn’t getting what she wants. But it could also be substance abuse or another social factor. As you said her personality is ongoing other transformations so it’s clear she doesn’t have steady role models or a firm connection to morals to guide her decisions. Are you worried she will keep spiraling down?