How do I say to a friend she's not good looking?

[Anonymous]

She said to me that she she's an 8 and sometimes she feels like a 7, and she asked me what I think, if I think she's an 8 or a 7. But I don't think she's even a 7

My first impression of her when I met her was that she's ugly. She looks better now tho! Still not good looking

I had guys randomly tell me she's ugly. Even a coworker of my boyfriend first saw her and told him "what an ugly lady"

Sometimes she asks me stuff like this and I don't want to lie, but also I don't want to hurt her feelings. I change subject or tell her she looks good!

Please don't insult me or call me a bitch for saying she's ugly, I don't think there's anything wrong with her, I'm sure a lot of people find her attractive! That's for sure

Or should I keep lying to her? Or what can I say to just... not answering directly?

Updates

9 mo

She insisted twice that I didn't answer her question, so the second time she insisted, I told her I cannot rate her, and plus I know her too much, I can't be objective, told her to ask a guy, like one guy friend we have in common (whom I know finds her attractive) she said jokingly that he was going to rate her a 5 and I was like nope, impossible (because I know he finds her attractive), and she said that he will possibly actually rate her a 7 and he rates her less than an 8 she's going to cry

[cora1]

Don’t say anything, I think it’s ok for people to have confidence. And if she ugly like you say, I think it’s better for someone else to tell her than you, since you seem like a closer friend to her. Beauty is very subjective too, but definitely just keep it to yourself or change the subject.

[Asker]

Yes, definitely, I don't think it would be good of me to tell her

[cora1]

She’s too focused on the rating herself. She’s too obsessed over this, but yes, I think you can just simply say you don’t rate people because you don’t believe a number justifies them and can fully capture them. And it’s the truth, a number cannot fully capture someone and will only leave her disappointed because everyone has a different perception of beauty.

[Asker]

Yeah, you are right! I did say something along those lines a time she asked me something like that, hah. But yeah, she's kinda too obsessed over this Ig, she said that if our friend would rate her less than an 8 she was going to cry u. u

[cora1]

I agree, she’s obsessed over this and she’s going to end up finding something she’s not going to like, believe me, you don’t need to be the one to tell her.

[Nikki1989]

The only thing more degrading than rating others is rating oneself.

[Asker]

Agree, definitely

[TrimmedTip]

"I don't rate friends by numbers — you're amazing just as you are. Let's focus on how you see yourself, not a score."

This keeps it kind, honest, and supportive without lying or hurting her feelings. True friendship isn’t about rankings — it’s about lifting each other up.

[Asker]

Yes! I usually say stuff like that hah

[Alex-Snow]

Be more subtle. Tell her a number is not important and maybe offer her a suggestion o one or two things to improve on

[Asker]

Yes! I have said that! I don't know if I could tell her to improve something hah, she will ask me why am I telling her and I don't know what to answer, hah

[nudeNhorny]

just tell her you don't feel comfortable rating people especially a friend, maybe she would stop asking.

[Asker]

That's what I did, hah

[nudeNhorny]

And? She is still asking these questions?

[Asker]

Nope, she insisted but not anymore hah

[Slim57]

You don't, women only hear what they want to hear and if they think they're hot when they're not, they probably won't think otherwise, especially if men are giving her attention

[Asker]

I understand, yeah, a lot of times that's the case, even though I don't think it's always!

[jjj101010]

I guess there’s how she sees her self and how others see her, I guess she’s confident. I guess beauty is subjective

[Asker]

Yup!

[jjj101010]

Does she have a boyfriend

[Asker]

No, why?

[jjj101010]

Was wondering if someone found her attractive

[jjj101010]

What would u rate her then?

[stratford]

Avoid the topic. It's also about opinion. Some guys may find her hot.

[Panthero80]

Tell her to seek counseling for self-confidence. Also, she should try to do something less narcissistic, like reading a book, learning a new skill. or volunteering her time to a worthwhile cause

[Asker]

I actually think she is very self confidence usually! But yeah, she shouldn't focus too much on that

[Plugs]

Jealous much?

[In_Trance]

Your perception may or may not be everyone else's so I don't really understand why you need to say anything at all.

[Asker]

Because she asks. I mean, that's it, it's not something I want to say out of nowhere, she randomly asks. I just say she looks good or change subject, but she told me to be honest the other and I wanted to know if anyone had a way of saying the truth or somewhat? Nicely

[Asker]

The other day*

[Staximus]

You don't need to tell her haha

[Asker]

I'm just a really honest person hah, so I feel bad for lying, but I know it's not the end of the world!

[Staximus]

Well do you want to make her feel good about herself or knock her clam in the sand haha

[slatyb]

You don't.

[Plugs]

U sound jealous of your beautiful 8 friend

[Asker]

... what

[Danny_dan92]

“She’s ugly”