Girl's Behavior

Where is my headspace with this coworker for 7 months now?

I’m a quiet, reserved girl — not really the outgoing or flirty type at work. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year, and I don’t usually give much attention to other guys. But since February, I’ve noticed one coworker, and I’ve caught myself acting around him in ways that don’t feel like “me.”

It started simple: one day I saw him not eating and I offered him lunch. He was polite about it,

After that, things slowly shifted:

In meetings, I’ll sometimes just look straight at him, even if he isn’t the one talking.
When our desks were closer, there was one morning where he said “morning [my name]” after I said “morning [his name],” then as I stepped to the side, I held his gaze for about 3 seconds. but after a moment he broke it off and went back to his drink, while I just left in silence. This was after two months of not even talking to him so it stood out.
In the coffee room, I also waited for his eyes and held that gaze again.
I even gave him small gifts, which isn’t something I normally do.
But then I also pull back:

I deleted our chat history on teams like I didn’t want there to be a record but it was only work stuff still and I stopped saying goodbye, even though I used to every day albeit he hardly ever did plus I even changed where I parked so I wasn’t near him.
Meanwhile, he never makes a move or escalates. He doesn’t initiate conversation at all. But when I do talk to him, he’s definitely inviting, polite, and warm in his responses. He’s never rude just careful. And honestly… he’s a handsome guy too, which makes me wonder why I’m acting this way.

So I’m left asking myself: what’s going on in my headspace? Why do I keep sending him mixed signals — staring, teasing, pulling closer, then distancing myself again?

i'm also 19 he's 30

Where is my headspace with this coworker for 7 months now?
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