If a girl sees me as a friend but she doesn't invite me to group hangouts or anything platonic she doesn't like me at all?

[Anonymous]

[HollyK21]

Just because she’s cool with you does not mean it’s at the level where she wants to invite you out with her friends. Unless the group consisted of mutuals, then you’d be glued to her side and she’d be responsible for making you feel included, are having fun, don’t feel awkward, etc., and that’s a burden not everyone feels like taking on.

[Asker]

I understand. Truthfully I wouldn't go if I was invited especially if it's people I don't know. I just wanted the invite to do something. Being pen pals seems like a big waste of time.

[HollyK21]

I agree that being pen pals with someone when you’re interested in more is a waste of time, so why not just ask her out?

[Asker]

I'm waiting for a sign. Yes she text me first at times and we FaceTime a couple of times but I'm not sure

[HollyK21]

I get that there’s risk with asking someone out, but I feel like if they’re worth it then you’ll step outside of your comfort zone and make a move. In most cases, women won’t act first, so even if she did like you she’s waiting for Hulu to do something.

[HollyK21]

**for you to do something

[Asker]

I don't know if I agree with that. I've seen a lot of girls make the first move.

[HollyK21]

To be fair, I never said all women don’t make the first move, that’s why I said in most cases. Sure, you could wait around to see if she’s one of those women, but there’s no guarantee to that and you could miss your window of opportunity to act. Maybe you can’t confirm how she feels, but you know how you feel.

[Asker]

Yeah you're absolutely right. What would you consider a window of opportunity?

[HollyK21]

I wanna say to act within your comfort level, and I do agree with that. But on the other hand, I feel like waiting for the “right moment” will only create more time for you to overthink, worry, or talk yourself out of it altogether. So if you know you’re interested, you should just rip the bandage off and ask her out. Let’s say she were to reject you, obviously that would suck, but you should really consider the alternative. The alternative being that you get stuck in the friend zone while waiting for the right moment, or to face future disappointment thinking that you’re making progress, only to be told otherwise. It’s ok to hate rejection but what you should hate more is investing your time only for it to have been a waste.

[Asker]

Of course. Some people have said my actions come across as if I don't really like her because I don't really flirt and I haven't asked her out.

[HollyK21]

Sorry to just now be responding, I’d logged off for the night lol. Well, if you don’t feel as though you’ve properly relayed interest, then now’s your time to do it. If you wanna put some feelers out there to give yourself a confidence boost, so subtle things. Compliment her looks, say she looks nice. If you know there are small things she likes, maybe surprise her with this or that and see what her response is.

I know it can be a bit nerve wracking to shift gears and who knows, maybe you’re worried about ruining the friendship, scaring her off, etc. But I really do think it’s better to sort this out sooner than later, before you invest more time, or before another dude has the opportunity to step in and do what you weren’t ready to. I think that would suck even worse, trying to be a good friend while someone else moves in and gets his chance. Which could really happen at any time, whether it’s meeting someone on a night out with friends or even just being approachable randomly in public. You never know how you’re gonna meet the next person you date.

[HollyK21]

**do subtle things

[Twodogs0525]

There's people that you are friendly with on a daily basis, right? I have people in my life like that, I talk to them, consider them a "friend", in the sense that we get along but not a close friend, where I invite them places.

[AngryCarl3]

Sounds like she's actively avoiding you.

[Asker]

She does initiate contact but I agree with you

[AngryCarl3]

You should have said so. That's completely different.

[Asker]

Sorry about that

[AngryCarl3]

Yes but if she's initiating contact she must like you.

[Asker]

Maybe but we don't hang out or anything. I thought If she liked me she would suggest hanging out or whatever

[AngryCarl3]

I'm pretty confused about the nature of your relationship.

[Asker]

It's very confusing. It actually doesn't make sense to me

[jahaims]

She doesn't even sound like a friend

[Loki97]

Pretty much.