Why do people defend rude behavior, especially when it’s from another woman?

So I was telling this woman about how another person was being mean/rude.

And I hear things like 'some people may not even realize they're being rude,' etc. etc.

As though they're five year olds kids who wouldn't know.

Plus if she's asking me to show compassion for a rude person where is the compassion towards me the person who is being treated that way and did nothing wrong?

I also noticed this kind of 'feedback' is usually when the gender is another woman. If the gender is another guy it usually gets the exact opposite type of feedback, 'he's a jerk lacks manners' etc. etc.

Why do people defend rude behavior, especially when it’s from another woman?
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