Can I just beat up my boyfriend's stalker ?

[Yriuqni]

There is this girl who has been stalking my boyfriend since before we got together .. (together from 2 years) .. she keeps messaging him and keep stopping him in the street and talk random stuff.. he was clear with her that he needs her to go to hell ,but nothing .. she is still there! .. Yesterday we were at a party and my boyfriend got a message from an unknown number ( its her, but he doesn't have her number) to go down because there's a surprize for him.. of course her ignored it ... later that day we went down and there she was .. she came saluted me with a kiss ( she never says even hi to me , and we see each other every day in college ) .. I gave her a sh*tty look and left them both .. I was so angry with her, she is so annoying .. and I swear if I were to stay one more minute I would've grabbed her by the hair and mop the whole stage.. My boyfriend finished talking with her really quick and came to me apologizing and all that .. but it's his mistake too you know .. he shouldn't have stayed there and talked to her.. it's just that he doesn't like being rude to girls .. and it's fine , but not with her.. it's NOT okay to treat certain people nicely ... I know it's silly and all that, but I hate how these girls have no limits, or respect! .. Should I just go to her and tell her to freaking back off .. I already told my boyfriend to stop being nice to her and he was okay with it .. but still I wanna slap her so bad :S

Do you guys ever encountered such situation ?

[JPorter]

Yeah, and I was the guy. I get totally why he doesn't want to be rude to her, but at the same time, it doesn't sound like the message he's sending her is the issue; it's the fact he's sending any kind of message.

"Stalking" is a term used far too loosely in this society, and it trivializes what the legal definition of stalking really is. From what you said, she's receiving misguided messages for her to keep pursuing him. She think she'll "win him over," or something to that effect.

You need to keep your head, because your reaction to her will without a doubt fuel her desire to continue doing what she's doing. But at the same time, he needs to flat-out cut off all communication with her. If he can't be rude to her and tell her off (doesn't sound like that would matter much anyway), then he needs to stop giving her the attention she's seeking.

If you do anything to her, you're facing assault charges, and I wouldn't do ANYTHING that may keep her in your life in the future. Sounds like she's just nutty enough to follow up on that, and you could wind up in serious trouble.

No guy is worth an assault charge. Just leave the room if she's around.

[Yriuqni]

May I ask why is it hard for you guys to show certain girls your tough sides ? not necessarily be rude.. but at least show some feeling of dislike to them..

[JPorter]

I think we like attention from girls, because it's usually us giving the attention. It's hard to cut off that attention because you may want it again in the future.

I know that won't be an answer you like, but maybe it's the one you need. For what it's worth, there will be a point he just gets sick of the drama and will tell her to eff off.

[Yriuqni]

Come on .. you shouldn't like attention from girls when you have a girlfriend whom you love and wanna spend the rest of your life with her! .. If the situation reversed and a guy would do this to me, my boyfriend would have killed him right there.. I am afraid I was too calm about it when it happened , but inside me, I am burning ..

[JPorter]

lol I didn't say that behavior is right! I just said that could be one interpretation of it.

Guys handle those kinds of things differently. If the situation was reversed, and you were dating me, yes, I'd at the very least make sure he knew in no uncertain terms he needed to knock it off immediately.

In your case, though, you can't be too calm when she's around. You have to control your emotions. She sounds very much like someone who would try to get you to react. She wins if you do.

[Yriuqni]

Yeahh you are right :) thanks a lot !

[Levin]

Probably not a good idea as you might get in trouble with the law.

This is your boyfriend's problem. In the sense that how he behaves will determine whether he actually does anything positive to resolve it. At the moment, it sounds like he's perpetuating it. He should ignore her completely. Not get drawn into communicating with her irrespective of the stunts she plays. I always shake my head at how people give these weirdos the attention they crave. If she's as bad as you say, go down the official channels and involve the authorities. If she's just being an irritant, then your boyfriend really isn't helping the situation.

[Yriuqni]

I know :( .. I ll just open the subject with my boyfriend again .. it kinda hurts you know when I see how he "is afraid" to hurt them .. or he just ignores the issue .. I don't even know :S

[Levin]

Yes but it's not healthy for her to fixate on him. Your boyfriend should urge her to get psychological help, and then ignore her. And that's the kindest thing to do in the mid to long term, even though it's harsh in the short.

[Anonymous]

Yes sounds likes that's your only option left, to tell her to go away

[Yriuqni]

It's hard to keep my calm .. but I guess I ll have to try =/

[Opinion Owner]

i know. she sounds like a bitch who can't take a clue

[Brando]

Bad idea