Took care of girlfriend when she was very sick. But she won't do the same for me?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend got really sick. I took her to my apartment and took care of her full time for a couple of weeks until she got better. I took care of her needs and did all I could do to make her feel a bit better in the middle of her sickness, treating her with tenderness,i cooked hot chicken soup for her, hot chocolate, etc. Anything to give her some comfort. I just left her side to go to classes -we are in college- and to shop for groceries, etc.

Her sickness was, however, contagious -it was a virus-. And by the time she was feeling fine, I got very sick too. She however Left me completely alone and said directly to me "I don't want to see you because I might get sick again". I got really disappointed at her because she would turn her back on me when I was sick right after I had taken care of her so well.

Why would she do this? Why would she turn her back on me after I had done all I could to take care of her and even risked getting sick myself?

[whatlove2212]

I had a boyfriend like that once... I told him not to drink my cranberry juice because it was for if I got sick with a urinary tract infection. Of course I got one and asked where my juice was. "Oh, I drank it." I had to walk because we had no car, a mile, while sick, to get my own f***ing juice.

I moved out after I got bit by a pet store bird (he told me to stick my fingers in) and he wouldn't go in and tell the people working there. "I'm not some knight in shining armor, I don't do that sh*t." So he didn't help me. I had to drive him home before driving myself to the doctor.

I passed out at my current boyfriend's house, and he took me Immediately to the E.R. That's what you need: somebody who is good in emergencies and whatnot.

I would try talking to her and asking her why she didn't help you, and tell her how it bothered you and listen to what she says.

There's a really good radiolab episode called Sperm that relates to your problem. link

[alchemy12]

Well, I understand her concern because she probably got behind in school and if she gets sick again she'll get even more behind. That does sound selfish, though. You should remind her that you just made all these sacrifices to help her out and give examples.

She can still help you but not be at your side 24/7 by getting you food, etc. But if she won't do that at least I'd find a new girlfriend because she's not interested in meeting you half way.

[bittersweet17]

:( She could have had a good reason - like time is really important to her work or something but it's still pretty sad.

[Asker]

I still fail to see "time is really important to her work" as a good reason. I still had to make sacrifices to take care of her.

[bittersweet17]

It's not a good reason but I just meant to her that might have been a pov because some people have very important deadlines to meet, or meetings, blah blah, depends on the situation.

[bittersweet17]

Gah wait, let me try to make sense out of my contradicting statement.

[bittersweet17]

If there's an important deal going on - there's a reason not to 'take care of you' because perhaps her jobs benefits both of you, whatever, really busy.

That does not mean that it's a good 'excuse' to not look after you or at least try to make that effort. Like I said, that's pretty sad.

[bittersweet17]

tbh only you know best as to why she did this. We don't know her... :| We can only guess. Also not everyone is willing to risk getting sick. Just because you did it for her doesn't mean she has to do it for you. Ask her about it ~

[Anonymous]

Part of the dating process is to establish whether you're compatible with each other from a long-term standpoint. That means you each have to assess the other person's attitude. In your case, is she stubborn? Is she selfish? Does she fly off the handle at the slightest provocation? In this particular situation, we have some insight into question #2 (selfishness): You were there for her when she was sick, but she didn't lift a finger for you when you were sick. (Plus, you only got sick because you were taking care of her.) Do you really want to be with someone like that for the next 40-50 years? I wouldn't. You can talk to her about it if you want, but I suspect she'll deny that she did anything wrong. She'll probably blame it on a busy schedule, too much pressure at school... any one of a million different excuses. This is not something you can (or should try to) change; it's part of who she is. You have some soul-searching to do.

[Asker]

You are right. When I told her I was disappointed at the way she behaved she acted like she hasn't done anything wrong. Stubborn, Selfish, Fly of the handle at the slightest provocation... She scores negatively in each category. I am socked however, because she was not like this before. Like two years ago. When we just started going out, once she walked all the way from her apartment, under icy rain, to get me some pain killers. I guess things have changed quite a bit since then.

[Asker]

And maybe I'm too naive, but I find it hard to believe how someone can change so much.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't think much has changed. You've just spent more time with her and found out more about what kind of person she really is; that's all.

[Asker]

That's a good point.

[Camilus]

"My girlfriend"

Well at least you found out what kind of person she is before she became your wife.

[alchemy12]

Zing, ha ha.

[Anonymous]

If I were her I would love you and wouldn't leave you-she's lucky to have had you. Hope things get better between the both of you. You seem really caring and it does not seem as if she appreciates guys like you, and that's sad.

[Asker]

That brings me to another question. Is it reasonable, or realistic to think I can find a girl who can appreciate a boyfriend being that much caring and who will reciprocate?