I'm dating a guy with a girlfriend...what do I do?

[Anonymous]

I met him at a party, and this is going to make things sound so much worse, but we were drunk and I went home with him. We had sex and I told him the next morning that I didn't want to be a one night stand and he looked me in the eyes and told me I was beautiful and he really wanted to start hanging out with me. so he called me that night and we started chilling all week the next week. we have been talking and hanging out for a couple weeks now. I found out he has a girlfriend the first day I met him and I confronted him and it has completely confused him. He has been with this girl almost a year and I know he is struggling but I can tell he likes me. Even his friends tell me he is struggling right now. His girlfriend knows about me, but she thinks we are just friends. In reality I see this boy everyday and she lives far away so they only see each other on weekends. He tells me he really likes me and he doesn't want to hurt me. but I'm not a guy, so I don't know what to think. I told him I feel like a piece of meat and that I deserve better than to be played with and he says no that's not it and that he wants things to work but he needs time...WHAT TO DO>>>I'M CONFUSED :( should I leave and say screw it...cuz I really like him,but I don't wanna get hurt in the end. I'm already hurting.

[scofield]

Sorry to say this, but he's definitely using you. By not ending this you'll only drag out what he's doing with you.

Try thinking about it from his point of view, it may help. He has a girlfriend of about a year that lives far away. He decides to go to a party, get drunk, and has sex with someone he met there. She tells him she wants to be more than a one night stand so he doesn't get rid of her right then and there. The next two weeks he keeps up with his girlfriend and still sees the other girl on the side when he's not around her. This is all win-win for him (at least in the short term). He gets to stick with his girlfriend on the weekends and keep the new girl to fill the rest of the time.

STOP THIS NONSENSE NOW.

He's having problems with his girlfriend because he's bad at confronting issues. Just the same as him not saying "no" to you and keeping you around without ending it himself. He's immature and doesn't care much for anyone. This relationship is all fail.

[Asker]

Well tell me this...his girlfriend has emailed me numerous times asking what's going on between us and I keep ignoring her. should I just tell her? I told him I wouldn't but that is just making things worse for me.

[scofield]

If you had a boyfriend that didn't live too close wouldn't you be concerned if you heard he was hanging out with another girl? And plus you're covering for him so that it feeds into what he's doing. This isn't healthy for anything. Someone needs to take lead here, and it certainly isn't going to be this guy.

I suggest you come clean to her and tell her what's happened. This is about the relationship between the two of them, and he's dragged you into it. It's childish and needs to come to end.

[AJtogo]

You are so letting yourself be played for a fool. So he's with you but hasn't ended it with his girlfriend of one year and you're ok with this? Kick this guy to the curb. Perhaps when he gets his act together you may want to give it another go.

Struggling!? What a pile of crap. Put him in a bag, tie the top, and toss him in the ocean; then you might see some struggling. I think the word needed here is juggling; as in juggling you and his gf.

[audreymarie21]

you told him you didn't want to be a one night stand AFTER you slept with him? shouldnt you have made that decision before you did anything?

i don't think you're in the right to be feeling played when you knew he had a girlfriend but wanted to be with him anyways, its his girlfriend that's getting played.

[Asker]

I didn't know he had a girlfriend until the next night because I found out from a friend. and I told him that after I slept with him because I blacked out and I was drunk.... :( I know, my mistake...but I kinda feel like I FEEL like I have to be with him since we slept together just to make myself feel better....i dunno. I don't like this situation at all.

[audreymarie21]

Aw... you don't though... you can cut things off with him and except the situation as a life lesson. learn from your mistakes, don't punish yourself for them.

[Asker]

Wow thanks for your help :) I could most definitely use this as a life lesson.

[ivarei]

what makes you think he won't do the same thing to you? I was in the same situation with a guy a few years ago (minus the sex) and he broke up with his girlfriend and me and moved on to someone else, and then he dumped her and moved on again.

[Asker]

Yeah I don't know...for some reason I have the mind set that all guys are different and they all have different decisions. I really know I need to get out of this, but he is so manipulative

[ivarei]

That makes him even more worth getting away from. it means he knows how to pull your strings, he's probably done this before. I know it's a bitch move, but you could tell his girlfriend and give him a taste of his own medicine. but the best option is probably to just say "BUH BYE!"

[thatssotera]

I think you should tell him that he has to choose.

[ivarei]

Guys like choose for a few weeks, then they find someone else. it's like a compulsion they have. the only way it possibly stops is if he gets caught, or if he really falls in love and becomes completely bitch whipped.