My ex broke up with me, but says it's my fault. And now acts like he hates me. What's going on?

[Anonymous]

So I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half. And friends before that. We spend probably 75% of our free time together and usually are very happy. A few weeks ago I decided to make an effort to seeing my girl friends more often, since it'd been cut down to once or twice a week if that. He hasn't ever been one to drink with the boys but he decided to have a few friends over at our house for drinks and cards. I thought it was unusual for him but I supported him making friendships and whatnot. In the last week of our relationship he acted very moody and on edge. Picking fights randomly and just acting strange. And then I spent the night out of town as it was a friends birthday, and he told me he was going to have a couple friends of his over. I said fine just call me before you go to bed. Well during the day he was texting me and acting odd again, and he told me he's not sure what he wants. I was pretty surprised but I had known something was wrong because of his strange behavior. I'll be honest I freaked out a little, because I haven't done anything wrong and I've been quite accommodating and always honest. And the next day he tells me that I'm unsupportive and that I don't respect him and that it's over. I was a little sour with him when he started doubting his feelings and we both said some things we didn't mean. But he wants nothing to do with me and blames the failure of our relationship on me. What did I do? And why is he acting this way?

[lost-angel]

I think there was something bothering him about the relationship. He bottled it up inside, hoping to get over it, or for you to realize that it bothered him. But it never happened. And so he tried to get back at you, or get you "upset". I guess in an immature way, he was trying to get your attention. He wanted you to see how he was feeling.

When he said he doesn't know what he wants, I think he really meant that he doesn't know how to handle this, and howto be honest about his feelings.

It might have something to do with you going out. Maybe it bothered him, but he didn't want to sound "controlling" so he kept it to himself.

The fact that it didn't bother you when HE spent time with his friends, bothered him even more, because he thinks, you don't feel the same way he does.

That is just my assumption based on your story.

[Asker]

I definitely see what you mean. But what should I do? Is there anything I can do? I asked him to just explain how he feels and he refuses and says he's made up his mind. I just don't understand why he refuses to communicate and just be honest. We've had problems in the past but we always talk it out and resolve our issues but I think this is the end for good but it drives me crazy that I haven't a clue what did it.

[lost-angel]

He is an honest person.But this issue might've been something sensitive to him.Like,he is almost ashamed to admit it bothers him.He says it's over now so there is no point in talking about it.Bugging him and pushing him to talk won't help him talk.I suggest giving him time.If you want, you can write him an email or a letter, telling him how you feel. Do you love him still?Do you want to give the relationship another try?If that's what you want, then let him know, and end the letter by

[lost-angel]

Letting him know that you will be waiting for him when he is ready to talk and work it out with you.

He is just upset and hurt right now.By writing him a letter, you can get your feelings across, and at the same time give him time to think things through.

You two were together a long time.I don't think he will really end it because he couldn't accept a certain change in the relationship.If you reassure him that you're willing to work it out, it might help him open up and give it a try.

[alabamalover]

He's probably going through things that happened in his lifetime.

You shouldn't blame yourself since it wasn't your fault. He's immature and I agree with some of the users that answered this question that he's insecure as well.

Simply move on you'll do allot better without him.

[dragonfli786351]

you probably didn't do anything, sounds to me like he's imature and insecure about himself.

[snowflake123]

Only you know what you did? how did you not support him what was happening in his life that you did not support him with?How did you not respect him did you say bad things behind his back?

[Asker]

Nothing was, I asked him to clean up the messes from the drinking and cooking fried food in my kitchen. And he got angry and said I demand too much of him. And I said okay well take your time but please clean up after yourself when you have time. And I have never said things behind his back.

[snowflake123]

Well a must agree with you he should have cleaned up after himself but after drinking the next day he must have felt pretty hung over and not feeling very well to been able to clean up because he was tired he wanted you to do it a lot of guys like to be mothered and looked after.

[snowflake123]

Well I agree with you he should have cleaned up after himself when did you ask him to clean up the next day?A lot of guys like to be mothered and looked after.

[Asker]

Well we usually both contribute to chores and when I make a mess I clean it up as does he, I didn't yell at him or anything just asked him. So I don't know why he got so upset. =/ But I would be shocked if that was the reason for ending it.

[snowflake123]

Yeah they might be over reasons he could just be useing it as an excuse to break up with you.

Did his freinds like you?if they did not they would have told him that he could do better than you.

Was you more happy when you was just friends?

[Asker]

Well one of his close friends is someone I introduced him to, who I had known for years and I don't see why he would try to break us up. As for his other friends I don't know them too well but I don't know why they would dislike me. And no, we were only friends for about a month before we started dating. And while we were together we were bestfriends. I think he may feel like he missed out on male bonding because of me...but I don't know why he broke it off instead of talking to me about it.

[snowflake123]

Well it sound like to me he is immature if he can't just sit down and talk to you about it like an adult,your better off with out him can't you just stay friends for a bit.