Could it be just for an ego boost?

[Anonymous]

So i just spent the last few days feeling sad and crying because i just found out the guy i really liked is taken. as hard as it is, i am going to be realistic and move on. I will no longer get my hopes up. Im not going to let him consume my thoughts. i am going to be professional about this and act like everything is fine. It still hurts to know that he likes someone else but oh well. Im not wasting my time and energy on him anymore. its not healthy.

I used to get nervous around him and i think he can tell. Im normally shy. he's pretty shy too but is more talkative than me. So since i found out he had a girlfriend, i felt awkward and i stopped giving him my attention. I used to glance at him sometimes, i would make excuses to be near him and he would do the same with me, i would always go to him for help, i would get very close to him and he wouldn't step back, he would make his voice soft like mine, and we were playfully mean to eachother and all that dumb stuff.

Since the moment i found out, i tried to keep my distance, but he kept coming around. I am trying really hard not to let the bitterness show. I am still friendly to him but i feel like i may act a bit cold at times. I ask others for help and only go to him if i have to. I dont stare at him anymore and i dont stand so close anymore. I am also not scared to say hi anymore.

So now I've noticed that he stares more. I ignore it. When he asks me something, i no longer get shy. I answer normally but he will stare at my eyes for a long time, and will watch me as i speak to others. I dont stand so close anymore so he just keeps looking at me a lot . Its weird. and when im talking to others, he will come and join in. If i look worried when talking to him, his face does that too.

It kind of makes me think that he noticed the change and maybe he just liked the attention which is not fair. Either way im done. Could just be doing this because he misses the attention?

[XRabbitHeartX]

Remember you like him. So everything he does is automatically going to be assumed as a sign that he also likes you. Of course this is not really always true. Our brains are just wired together to validate what we want it to believe. He has a girlfriend so either way, you suddenly changing your behavior shouldn't really be something of high importance to him. There's always a chance he could have noticed but still. Thinking about it is kinda a waste cause what does it really matter to you? This guy likely sees you as a friend, maybe even a good friend, so he could be concerned for you or wonder why you have changed but it won't make him *do* or *think* any differently about how he sees you. I doubt he likes the attention or misses it. If he has a girlfriend it won't make sense. He has her to give him attention. Usually when you have a partner you don't seek attention as much from others cause you already have that security. Just try to distance yourself from him and let go. Sticking around him is NOT going to help you move on, neither is thinking about these things. You don't need him to be happy and you can find someone else, just as good, to have a crush on. But you'll have to cut ties to actually be able to move on.

[Asker]

I can't cut ties. The reason why its so awkward is because he's a coworker. And we always work together. So there's only so much distance i can put between us.

But yeah. I will try to be normal about this. Ill try to keep extra busy at work to avoid being around him like I've been doing for the past few days. He still keeps coming around me though. Its not so easy to stay away.

[XRabbitHeartX]

I see. That makes things more difficult. At least you can still distance yourself to a certain extent. If he comes around, just take things as it is. With time the pain will also go away. You'll be fine xx

[Asker]

Yup. To an extent. I worked in a different department and he kept coming over. And if he wasn't talking to me, he was nearby and kept staring. I feel like its getting easier though. I have to learn to see him just as a friend, not a crush.

[Anonymous]

I highly doubt he misses the attention considering that he has a girlfriend to get attention from. Very rarely do people seek attention from others when they're in a relationship, and those who do are often incredibly insecure. I think he just senses that there's something a bit different about you (because you have been acting differently to him since you found out) but that's it. Him mimicking you/your body language is something that all humans do. Body language is a form of communication, and if you imitate another person's body language it simply means that you're actively taking part in the conversation and possibly showing empathy/sympathy.
You should probably distance yourself from him a bit more in order to get over him. You should also stop thinking about this so hard because it won't get you anywhere. I hope you feel better soon.

[Asker]

Ok. Yeah. Its just my imagination then. That, or he probably thinks its weird that im not around so much anymore. Oh well.

there's only so much distance i can put between us. He is my coworker and we work together a lot so its not like i can just never see him again. Plus, he keeps coming around. No matter how much i try to stay away, he comes. If im talking to other people, he will come over and join in or stand a few feet away. Not sure if he's eavesdropping. i try to make conversation with him to keep things at peace between us and so he won't think im being weird.

[quietvixen17]

I think that he still likes you and is trying to understand why the sudden change in your personality. Maybe he doesn't know that you that he's dating someone else. You can still have a mate or dating someone while having a crush on someone else. I know you are hurt but try not to be so cold towards him. He seems like he is a very good person.

[Asker]

He knows i know he's dating someone. He said it in front of me.

Im trying really hard not to let the bitterness show through. Im trying to just see him as a friend/coworker but he makes it so hard. Lately since I've been staying away, he keeps coming around more and even if he's not talking to me, he's nearby either staring or what feels like eavesdropping. And if i talk to other people, he comes to join in the conversation. there's no keeping away from him. And when he comes to talk to me, he stands very close.

It really does seem like he does like me at times but its the whole girlfriend thing that confused me. Even if he did like me, it doesn't matter because he is with someone already.

He is a good person. He may be awkward and strange but he's really sweet and considerate of others.