Why do women hate on men for objectifying them when they seem to want it and even do it to themselves?

Question

It seems pretty clear that women want to be objectified because it makes them feel desired and boosts their self-esteem.  There’s no question they dress and behave in ways that objectify themselves, and that is their own choice.
And yet it seems everywhere I turn there are women complaining about men objectifying them.  Do they just want sympathy, or to feel like they are victims of men, or is there more to it than that?  Why do they hate on men for doing it when they do it to themselves?  Do they just want to be objectified when they want it and not when they don't?  
Please help me understand the female perspective on this.

GrannyGoosebum · Accepted Answer

This is my theory. I hope that I can help you gain perspective. I'm a middle aged woman, a mother, a grandmother, and long ago I was employed in the adult industry. Additionally, sexual ethics and behaviors of our species, are a subject of particularly keen interest to me, in my spare time studies. I believe that qualifies me as at least "well familiar" with human sexual behaviors, if not an actual expert. I'll address this from a CIS perspective, as I'm getting the vibe that you are CIS male and referring to CIS women.

First of all, we must remove the idea of "women" as a creature with a hive mind, where all behaviors and ideas are universally shared. There are plenty of women who DO NOT "dress sexy", and plenty others who have no complaints about catcalls. Neither group fits the scenario you describe, so we must logically conclude that your complaint is not valid to address to "women" generally.

That takes us to the general group of ladies to which you refer. The ones that dress sexy and then wish to not be objectified. Even those women have a myriad of reasons.

There are those that are following the base biological programming, both to attract potential mates and reject those deemed not worthy of breeding with.

There are those who do not mind their sexuality and attractiveness to be viewed as a desirable part of a "whole package".. and become frustrated when the males refuse to notice that there is an entire real person, with other potentially wonderful attributes, attached to the "fun bits"

There are plenty of other reasons, but those seem to be the two most common, and the ones you are most likely to encounter. I hope it helps.

Daph81 · Accepted Answer

I think most women want to be looked at, want guys to be sexually attracted to them, to be the thing that turns guys on. But ssshhhhhhHh!!! That's a secret! Most women want that, but most women don't like other people to know that they want that.

Another thing I could think about is:
Most women do like guys to be attracted to them. But they want guys to respect them as well. So they want guys to be attracted to their personalities too, not just their bodies. So when guys ogle a woman or "rates her" based on her physical features only, she becomes less of a person and more of an object. They don't want that. They want guys to be crazy over them, but don't want to be disrespected.

Now about those women who dress in a certain way that "objectify themselves"... I think they don't know how else they could attract a guy's attention. Or else it doesn't matter to them that they guy doesn't respect them. Or they're torn between wanting desperately catch attention from guys and wanting to be respected, so they wear skimpy clothes (grabs attention), and then complain (for not being respected). They haven't found the balance yet.

MaskedSanity · Accepted Answer

Deja vu...

Some time ago this exact question has been asked. Word for word. Do you always copy-paste your own questions and re-post them? Or do you copy them off another website?

To answer your question, I don't think women CONSCIOUSLY want to be objectified. Nobody wants to be thought of as nothing more, than a sexual object. We all want to be viewed as a whole: both body and soul.

However, dressing sexy doesn't necessarily mean a woman wants to be objectified. It could just mean she wants to be viewed as attractive and desirable. This doesn't automatically obliterate her personality, you know. She is still human, she still has feelings and such. Wanting to be desirable doesn't nullify her persona and being sexy does not define her.

I think this is the biggest problem with how women are viewed today. There's no inbetween, it's always a black or white conclusion:
If she's sexy, she has nothing else to offer.
If she's clever, then she's obviously not attractive.

No middle ground.

Theguyoverthere · Accepted Answer

Honestly, I see a lot of girls "complaining" about getting hit on and I feel it's because underneath it, they like the attention, but it's not the guy they wanted it from. If a total rich hottie hit on them, they'd know what they did "worked." But when it's a fat slob who is unemployed, suddenly it's "gross" and "unwanted."

Some study somewhere I think by OKC said that women deemed like... 80% of the guys on it as not good enough for them. Meanwhile men typically know that women have obtained unrealistic expectations from men as it is. So if 80% of the men out there are not attractive, that means most of the time when a woman's being gawked at or drooled over, she's enjoying the attention, but not because it's not the guy she wants.

The problem is that so many women rely on sex appeal rather than working on their character. Women constantly hearing that men are so physically motivated means they keep putting effort into their appeal, yet forget that they need to have some sense of character.

I remember one girl's POF profile where she said she didn't want perv messages so I messaged her sarcastically stating about how her photos were all revealing clothes and how she didn't want perv messages just to get a reply saying how she can dress how she wants and calling me a fuckface. So you can clearly see a lot of these women like this are really not that stable.

NoblesseOblige · Accepted Answer

They are two totally different groups of women.   Angry feminists + girls getting attention from guys they don't like  vs Hot girls getting attention from guys they like.

moosette134 · Answer

If a girl dresses provocatively, maybe she fits what she's saying. But not all of are like that. I don't want to be objectified but I do dress nice and that's to respect myself. I want to be classy, not sloppy. Yes, we want guys to appreciate us physically, but we want more than just that. objectification happens when a woman becomes a prize to win or literally just a thing to have, but there's no emotional connection, no care, no wanting to get to know the person inside the body. So yes, it is a fine line, but no we aren't being contradictory.

cipher42 · Answer

No. Most women do not want to be objectified. They may want to be attractive, but they also want to be valued for things other than just their appearance. Objectification means that the only important thing about them is how they look, and that they don't matter as people, only as physical objects. I hardly think female politicians and actresses and so on are all to pleased when so much focus is put on their appearance rather than their actual talent or skill. Women may want to be seen as pretty, but not as objects. And a lot of the reason women seem to be so willing to be objectified is because they have been taught their whole lives that appearance is important, and they've grown up in a society filled with objectification, and have grown used to the idea that women's value is based on their appearance.

Prof_Don · Answer

Just because a female dresses sexy doesn't give us guys an excuse to dismiss her basic human rights of respect and manners.

But I do see where you're coming from. A guy can tell a girl dressed sexy, "you're very sexy"...and somehow he's a pig.

What bothers us guys is how giving a woman, who intentionally dresses sexy, complements and flirtatious body language... is somehow looked down upon.

Conviction · Answer

Girls do make-up and wear jewellery. This may give of a signal that they are objectifying themselves. And yes, in reality they might actually be objectifying themselves. But they don't want to be "treated" like an object.

Like how, bad guys use girls for sex and then dump them as soon as the girl fulfils their gratification. This is what women don't like.

We men don't objectify ourselves. We wear what we like. But as man, we don't want a girl who uses us for sex as well right? I mean, if you're mature enough you'll understand that such interviews made up by "Stars" (Who are actually fake themselves) will make any kind of statements in interviews as long as they're being "paid" well.

And if we use women only for sex. Then they will start doing the same to us. This cycle goes on and on.

Anonymous · Answer

Well women are the ones that are sexually sought after and that are on the "receiving end" of sexual relations so it's kind of the natural outcome of this sort of situation.

AlwaysBlue · Answer

Umm NO. Girls want to feel PRETTY and LIKED, NOT objectified. We dress to feel and look beautiful. We want to feel appreciated. It's for our self esteem... We don't want some wanker talking about how he wants to slap our ass. Have some respect. Geez...

SSLAG · Answer

Wow, I'm a dood and I even feel offended by this for some reason, I know you tried to fix the generalization, but damn man.

shannon21 · Answer

Very much generalizing. 'Some women should be your question. As not all do?

Insaan · Answer

Nice question man. Billion dollar question :-)

dwiller943 · Answer

Because men seem to do it at the wrong time.

Why do women hate on men for objectifying them when they seem to want it and even do it to themselves?

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