Questions: Girl's Behavior

Background

A few people in my closer relative are diagnosed with personality disorders that are connected to lack of empathy. So now keep that in mind.

My morals:

I strongly believe hurting others is wrong. And I am for punnishing people who do that. I do not believe people change. And I have no empathy for people who do evil actions even if they are trying to change. That's why I'm afraid if I have kids I'd murder them or something if they did something really wrong..

With that being said I only judge people for their actions the same I would judge cancer. I see no difference in a grown person raping a child being killed and someone killing cancer.. they are both alive stuff that do harm.

My traits:

I never felt like I was human.. I mean I feel more like I'm just taking space in a room.. like a gas. I never felt the need to have a partner because I can always hire a cleaner/chef etc.. I believe human kind are evil as a base and everyone are secretly out to get me in the end.

I tend to laugh if someone dies.. in joyful way. Although I cognitivly understand it's horrible and I cognitivly feel bad for that person and their family I never expeience it emotionally. Same way I can be cognitivly stressed but not emotionally..

I can turn on and off my empathy however I want.. and whenever I want. If I focus on my cognitive empathy enough my emotional empathy can grow..

Also one of my parents told me as a toddler I would never cry when they left for work... I don't know if that means anything.

I think I have a very strong cognitive empathy (more than the avarage person) but almost no emotional empathy.. unless I turn it on.

Disclaimer!

I do want to meet the one for me and have kids in the future (problaby). I dont really see the point of life other than success and proving people wrong. That's why I think I be the type to end it all once I reach what I want. But I'm not depressed I just see everything neutral..