Guy behavior: sitting next to me except when this guy's around?

[lanternhill]

I have a question about my crush. When he, his brother, and our guy friend (who's a bit older and more experienced) hang out, he always ends up sitting across from me while the guy sits beside me (often before my crush has a chance to sit down, not always). Any other time he usually sits beside me. I don't get it - he's usually kind of jealous of guys who flirt with me or sit near me but in this case...

In any case he sits near me and messes with my stuff (glasses, keys, sips my coffee, etc.) and hovers close sometimes when we're walking around. I just don't get the seating arrangement thing. The only things I can think of is he feels intimidated and/or wants to see both our faces (he's friends with the older guy). Thoughts?

I should add that the older guy doesn't do any touchy feely stuff or anything and has joked about me dating my crush sooo I don't know maybe my crush just sees him as an older brother so respects him and lets him sit wherever.

Updates

+1 y

Anyone? It's a pattern I've noticed and it's really interesting.

[KingAlex]

Interesting that you notice this,

So go sit in his lap and show him you want to be close if you want to. Otherwise just go with the vibe.
If it feels good it is good.

If they friends and he wants to be close he would say move man i wanna mess with this cute girl.
When a couple is moving around in the world it is important to feel safe and secure with each other. That you feel you belong together and you always going home together.

Don´t ever use his jealousy against him. He will just be grumpy and no fun,
Jealousy lands in the area of "least effort" everybody has degrees of jealousy and masking it and keeping composure and self control over that emotion is what makes us look confident.

Reacting to irrational and made up thoughts and ideas will make you lose this control and start to act from a place of fear. Thus you will look weak and insecure. And lose your status and mood, Sometimes we all just got to smile through the bullshit and look happy for the camera. And then just drop it. If all actors act well there is no need for fights in the dressing-room.

Don´t treat him like a baby either, if you act secure and know you want to be with your crush he will feel safe and can relax and be social. But if you insecure and respond to flirting with more invitation your crush will feel like you are maintaining a flirtatious vibe. Always show to guys who flirt with you that you are not available. And expect the same treatment back. Its about keeping that bond, And introduce your crush, and make others aware that you with him. He will love you for the way you make him feel, So make him feel good and communicate when you alone.

Guys can be strange when they crushing and sometimes with other guys they don't want to cuddle and start such emotions. Sometimes if there is a suitor a guy might pull his girl closer to show that she is with him. And hopefully she don't resist.
Its all about respect for others and others relationships.

[lanternhill]

A lot of this is really helpful, thanks - I don't use his jealousy against him, generally speaking (and if I ever do it's more like "oh that guy was flirting with me" not "hey that guy's hot").
I think he doesn't want his friend to see him be more emotional with me. That's the impression I get anyway. I try to go out of my way to let him have some of my food etc. and he does hover, sample my coffee (I don't let others do that), etc. and just that general continual touching or taking my stuff gives off the impression that he's with me - what do you think?

[KingAlex]

I think it sounds super cute and you doing a great job. So just go with the vibe and keep making him feel the way you do. Irrational jealousy must be dealt with and trust is something you guys put in your relationship-box, amongst everything else you want to share. Tell him that you want him to feel comfortable with you where-ever you are. If he gets jealous remind him how guys are, Like tell him how he stares at you and that you always be honest with him anyway. And he better watch it if he checks out other girls, but say it with a smile, like its totally normal.
I think its like we both say, he don't want to start a cuddle session and be emotional in-front of the guys, But kissing a guys cheek is almost always good. If you give your guy the best i think he will give you the best too, Remember communication in a calm manner is the way to go, And to have boundaries to what you accept.
Work hard and be fair.

[lanternhill]

Well he did stop talking about how hot girls were when I told him it bothered me, thank God - I was pretty impressed by that. Sometimes he slips up but he tries.
Glad you think I'm doing a good job - not very experienced.

[KingAlex]

I think that if you pick up some vibes from other guys its all in order, Men and Women gravitate towards each other and you will get vibes. But that's just how it is, its how you act on them and your choices that is the important. Men and Women should enjoy the vibe between them, and smile and cherish it. As long as there is respect. Respect of each other and respect of others relationships.

[KingAlex]

That is great, respect goes both ways. And be sure to keep communicating your needs, to feel good and safe

[zorro8888]

Depending on their friendship... guys will respect the bro code.
So no need to show jealousy on his part.

As for everything else you're reading way too much into it lol

[lanternhill]

Sorry can you explain the first part?

[zorro8888]

I'm saying that their is no need for your crush to be jealous because if the friendship is strong between the guys they usually know who likes you by now. So your crush has no need to worry about the other guy lol

Next time just wait a bit and go sit next to your crush... it's simple.

[lanternhill]

Ohh and I sit down first and they sit however they do. I don't know he does end up by me and messing with my stuff though. And defends me if the other guy says anything he finds not ok.

[KingAlex]

This is so super cute.
But Zorro8888 its perfectly possible for him to get jealous in his mind. But we can all get ghosts in our heads and start to think things and make up stories that create a lot of fear.

But i think there is no need to worry. You seem so super cute when you tell how he defends you and how you analyze their behavior, hehe

[zorro8888]

@KingAlex
That's always a strong possibility it's better to act cool then to act all crazy jealous lol

Yeah I don't think there is a need to worry.

[KingAlex]

Zorro8888 lol so true man. Least effort is always the best, And To Stare Fear In The Face and not be the director of some B movie. And smile and enjoy the present. I am sometimes too creative when being jealous. Such stories would make The Tv show Glamour look pale in comparison

[zorro8888]

Lol and so begins the many struggles of the dating world lol

[lanternhill]

@KingAlex and zorro8888 haha I guess the hovering is him being more protective - and him automatically picking up my purse and handing it to me etc. when we get up to leave. I was at Walmart with them and my crush was like 4 inches behind me when I was looking at something.
I think he's figured out that I'm not interested in the older guy though.
And I overanalyze most things.

[zorro8888]

I notice that trait with you :P

[lanternhill]

Hahaha yeah - I actually think it's one reason guys haven't pursued me much so I'm glad @KingAlex thinks it's cute.