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Some girls could be seen as cool friends for a guy. But most girls are not that very existing or rewarding for a guy to have as a friend, to be blunt.
This is obviously a generalization but guys and girls usually have way different interests and talk about different things. Some guys "endure" the friendly conversations simply because they hope that eventually the friendship will lead to more than just friendship and they are trying to collect browny points. They listen to all your problems, try to show that they care and all that. Trying to prove that they are a guy that will stick around and be there for you if you would give him a chance.
I suppose this is what is referred as the "nice guy" who secretly hold onto the hope that the girl will become interested in more than just friendship. When the door is completely shut and bridges have been burned regarding more than friendship then they drop the friendship because that was never what they were after.
Generally guys prefer other males as friends. They are easier to talk with and more frank and direct in their communication. Life is just easy that way. Obviously there's exceptions for every rule but this is the general idea.
But he considered me a good friend. He admitted liking talking to me. In fact, he treated me like one of his guy friends.
Of course he will say all those things. Do you think a guy would ever say that does NOT like talking to you when he is trying to get into a relationship with you?
Maybe you are a tomboy that is easy to hang out with, I don't know. But if you are not then you may just think and feel like he treated you like one of his guy friends when he really wasn't. We usually see and interpret what we want to see.
I am quite girly girl but like he used to tell me about other girls he would like to fuck, he used to cuss at me like his guy friends, in fact he used to pass mean comments to me like his friends so that's how I concluded it.
While what you have had may seem like 'friendship' to you, it probably seemed more like a pseudo relationship to you.
"ut don't they value our friendship? About how much I cared about him?"
That's not how male male friendships work. Have you ever heard a guy say about a male friend that the basis of their friendship is 'how much they care about each other?' Male friendships have a basis of enjoying shared activities. Having each other's back is a second and rarely discussed point.
So male-female friendships tend to look more like female-female friendships, or male-female relationships.
And once you reject him, his interest in maintaining that drops significantly. You also may not realize how much he was driving the friendship forward because he was hoping it was leading somewhere.
But if a guy has got a good and caring female friend to keep, and if he is single and found her attractive, and likes to spend time with her, would he surely fall?
Considering that she is single as well
If he's not landing better looking girls than her, it's highly likely he'd want to date her.
Women seem to talk ambiguously about 'chemistry' more than -most- guys do.
Most guys, if he likes hanging around with her, and she's as hot as the best looking girls he can get to sleep with him, and he's relationship minded, he'd want to date her. There'd almost need to be some reason why NOT (like they are incompatible in some obvious way as a couple, or he wants to sleep around not date).
He has talked to and dated MUCH better looking girls than me. He still talks to beautiful girlS. Ialways considered him my best friend so I never even thought before he could like me.
Ignoring someone you're crushing on or like is one of the only ways to get over someone. Sometimes it's hard being just friends with someone you have feelings for but clearly doesn't feel the same. It's not fair to ask someone to stay by your side just because you like having them there. Thinking of the friendship, sometimes it's best to put aside what you want and think of what would be best for the other person. Instead of assuming the other person doesn't care as much as you, because they do, probably way more than you do that's why this is happening, you have to allow them enough time to get over you and find someone new. And maybe later when they're ready you can be friends again. If not, well then maybe the friendship wasn't meant to keep going anyway. Just let it go! *Totally sang that last part in my head... -_-*
Well firstly he doesn't have to be your friend just because he was before (he doesn't have to be anyones friend if he doesn't want to and you can't expect him to be your friend)
Secondly he probably didn't really ever want be just friends he most likely wanted to date you before
Thirdly he probably wants to stay away from you to get over it because it is hard staying friends with someone who doesn't like you back if you do
And fourth he just isn't interested anymore, simple
When we became friends, I am 100% sure he didn't want anything more than friendship as he was busy flirting with other girls as well. Then we became close friends and he was the one who said that we will always remain friends. I have feelings too and they get hurt by his action.
I think guys are not just friends with girls they like because
That's what their guy friends are for. Unless they really like the girl's personality (or they like her) they'd rather hang out with their friends, play basketball..
Friendships are fun but love (and sex) is even better. Guys might not seem as "romantic" as girls but they can be. So if a guy ever flirts or makes advances then he wants more than a friendship.
But their guy friends can't provide them the care and understanding that a girk can. Don't they want these things without having to worry about relationships?
I disagree. Guys would understand each other even more because they're the same gender. They hang with guys for friendships because they don't want to worry about relationships.
Because they like you as more than a friend. It's pretty difficult to be just "friends" with someone that you have feelings for (in a more romantic way). If you're talking about a specific guy, he probably wasn't looking for a friendship, he was looking for a relationship.
But when we started off, we were just friends. He didn't want anything like relationship because he was already flirting with other girls.
He was probably just trying to get to know you at that time.
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so my personal reason for acting like this would be:
if i really do have a crush on a girl, i try to befriend her and if we´re friends for some time and i develop even more feelings, i will ask her out. at this point, my feelings for her are so strong, that i mentally can´t stand seeing her anymore.
it doesn´t mean that my friendship wasn´r genuine.
it just would make me sad and depressive to see her all the time especially if i´d see her with another guy. so i rather cut her out of my life...
So do most guys cut off when they can't stand the feelings or do they cut off at the slightest hint of liking and friendzone?
i don´t know if "Most" guys do it. @klaatu might be right too... in that case you´ve really lost nothing there ^^
it might still work out in my experience, if the "friendzoned" one finds another love interest in time.
yes, there are some dudes that will assume they´ve been friendzoned at the slightest hint (even not real hints) but i don´t know how to recognize it.
Hmm okay but usn't there any way to fix the friendship. He refuses to even talk about me so yeah it sucks.
in my experience, it´s just even more painfull, if she tries to contact me and make the friendship work again. i could also get the idea that she just wasn´t sure when she rejected me and in fact likes me... don´t do it, it won´t do any good in my opinion.
Why is it painful? :( I mean if I go to him and say that let's try to make it work, won't things ever get to normal?
no it doesn´t. again this is my experience, i don´t know if everybody is like this. everytime she makes me think of her it´s like a dagger to the heart and everytime she tries to get in contact or be friends it´s like you´re turning this dagger around while it´s in there xD sorry for the stupid metaphor but thats pretty much it :/
feelings don´t just go away in one case of mine it´s been 4 years since the rejection and i still can´t be friends with her...
Don't tell me that :,( I needed him in my life. I was not even going to commit with another guy as I want to remain single and he was the only guy who was getting my entire attention so what was the problem here? Only the sex part was missing that's all
yeah that´s the same problem in my case... she said i was the only real friend she ever had in her life. it allmost kills me thinking of this shit again. so do this dude a favor and leave him alone.
it´s not about the lack of attention it´s about not reciprocated feelings...
Okay but how do other guys manage to remain friends?
Like I said if he finds interest in another girl... The only other option would be, that his feelings weren't that strong amyways
Because they're cutting their losses and respecting themselves. Not trying to attack you or anything, but it clearly seems like you have never been on the receiving end of the friend zoning. Guys HATE being stuck in the friend zone because they want to be more than friends, and now they're killing themselves inside by allowing themselves to stay in that situation to where they have feelings for you, and you know this and you still only regard them as friends. So they're moving on, cutting their losses and finding women who actually want to date them.
You have to accept that. You don't feel what he feels about you. Ok. But why does he have to stick around if maybe he rather wouldn't? He dosent want to be friends with a girl whom he has feelings for. It just hurts more and more being around you for him. That's the truth of it. Accept it.
I been there too. I still maintained contact with a female who didn't want me in her life but I felt different. It hurt. Thankfully that's acient history and we don't talk anymore. I could careless about her if you ask me.
I need him in my life but since we became friends, we both knew we don't want to date anyone. I am going through anxiety issues and even if I entered into a relationship, I will destroy it. But he was the only person in my life I trusted and was close to.
Either way, the ball is in his court. You can't force him to hang around. I have problems with anxiety too. But I'm not depending on anyone being there for me. Perhaps you should try to deal with that alone?
Lol I am not depending on him. I am trying to deal with my anxiety THAT'S WHY I want to remain single. There are many other problems and I want to take therapy first. But I value my friendships. When I become friends, it's forever.
He may have been interested in a romantic relationship but there's a good chance he doesn't want to spend real effort and time on simply a friendship. In regards to him being your friend prior to the relationship maybe he was pursuing you the whole time under a guise of friendship. Maybe if he was rejected he feels resentful. There isn't one answer for all guys.
I am sure that when we became friends, he wanted just friendship. But as our friendship grew, so does his feelings. But aren't we suppose to stick with our promise of being friends for ever?
Then not talking at all is much better, because a casual friendship will hurt us both more.
I believe it's because they want to be more than friends and whenever they see they won't go anywhere with an individual, they don't want anything to do with them. Personally, if a guy does not want to just be friends with you and ignores you, maybe it's for the best that you just leave him alone.
If he treasures friendship, he wouldn't act like that.
Because they're not trying to be your friend. They're trying to be your boyfriend. If you're not interested, they move on. Don't be so naive to think they were your friend who just so happened to want to date you.
But don't they value our friendship? About how much I cared about him? Why couldn't he keep his feelings aside instead of hurting me like that? We were friends to begin with.
He was your "friend" under the assumption that you were getting to know one another for a relationship.
When I meet a girl, I put her into one of 2 categories:
1) Platonic friend that I'll never try to date
2) Girlfriend material that I'll never be "friends" with because I'm always going to be trying to date her
The girl never knows which category she's in until I ask her out.
So, how do you treat both of them differently?
You rejected them, now they're rejecting you. You don't seem to understand the problem, the torment, having to hang around with a girl you desperately want but can't have.
But I am suffering, too. I rejected him for his sake. I don't understand when he even started liking me when he has so many other girls to talk to as well.
For his sake? What are you on about? So what if he had other girls to talk to, don't you think he knows that? Out of all those girls he still picked you, and you rejected him.
I am going through problems. I have certain issues for which I need to take therapy first. I can't feel emotions very well And most of the time feel numb. My thoughts are always fluctuating so I am sure that I won't be able to date a guy for even a week
That's a rather important detail to have left out.
It happened with my cousin and a guy that was interested in her. He wouldn't talk to her for years but I knew he was crazy about her, you have to think of their emotions too, it might seem like more for the other person even when you know you don't like them in that way.
They had romantic interests. When they realize their hopes are dashed and crushed forever, they want to spend time away so they can get over you and the pain of rejection. Why would he want to continue torturing himself and harming his emotions by talking to you anymore? It's only going to keep him from being able to be happy, as well as keep him from finding a girl who IS interested in him.
A little creative empathy is your friend here.
I understand that but don't you think if our initial relationship was friendship, it should be valued first. If you promise to be there for someone, better be
No, frankly. Shouldn't he have the same freedom in choice of his feelings that you do? You didn't want a relationship, so you said no. He doesn't want a friendship, so he also gets to say no.
See how selfish you're being? "He didn't get what he wanted and is hurt and disappointed, but he should keep giving me what I want anyway." He doesn't owe you his friendship. You are not entitled to it.
Basic business concept: if you don't have something a potential customer wants, they won't buy from you. You don't have or won't offer what he wants--so why is he going to invest in you? Why should he? It's an unequal transaction if he stays your friend--you get what he wants, and he gets to stay hurt and disappointed.
Okay but some guys who had a crush on me ended up aettling for friendship. So is there any dufference between the kind of feelings he has and they had?
Possible explanations:
Those friends were good enough with women that if you said no, they know they have the ability to get another girl. They immediately do so, and can handle staying friends. The other explanation, they have little to no self-respect, are emotionally and mentally torturing themselves, and secretly hoping that if they stick around long enough, you'll change your mind.
Your friend had enough self-respect to walk, but doesn't have enough experience with women to know he can go out and get someone else. He can't be your friend until he gets that experience and can handle the emotions (because they won't be there since he has another girl).
My guy friend is handsome and has been in quite a lot of relationships. But these other guys are hardly experienced and don't talk to much girls.
Sounds like they fit the profiles I described.
Uh.. quite the opposit.
Opposite*
If he wanted more and you denied him, he is protecting his feelings. He may come around, he nay not. Does he value your friendship? Not in the same way you do. Give him time though, he nay come around.
Because it hurts, in a painful-every-time-we're-around-you kind of way. People want what they want. Not having it, but being constantly reminded that they don't (and can't) have it, is a major bummer.
But doesn't their absence hurts?
Maybe it's equally painful for both. But he doesn't need to ignore me when I desperately want to talk to him
No. There are times when I just want to talk to him to know how he's doing but then also he ignores my texts
Because your telling us were not good enough for you so why in the fuck would we want anything to do with you after that? I would NEVER stay in the friendzone with any girl notta fuckin chance in hell.
How 'friendzoning' a person is like telling them they are not good enough. Just because two personalities are not compatible more than friends it doesn't make one any less than the other.
well if he likes you more than a friend and you friendzone him then he's going to move on for his sake. its difficult to be friends with a girl you really like but realise she doesn't like you back
But is it important to totally ignore her if she reach out to him once in 6 months or so... just to know if he's fine.
If you're off the table as a romantic partner then your relationship is less valuable. If he's in a romantic relationship with someone else then your relationship value is barely above zero.
But friendship has its own value in life, like relationship. You need friends as much as you need a partner.
So you don't value your friends in life?
Your argument is all extremes. My friends are much, much less valuable than my wife and children. They are not valueless, but I think nothing of spending 99.99% less time with them than with my wife.
With your argument, you're trying to create a false reality that supports your desires, but it doesn't change anything. You both want something the other isn't willing to give.
because they want you only for sex, and they don't care about being just friends ;-)
No. We started off as friends. At that time, he was interested in other girls.
We ignore you because we already have mates. There is no friendship between a woman and a man. You think you have male friends. If you only knew how deep they want to shove their cock into you...
Don't tell me that. A guy and girl CAN be friends.
Uh yeah they will be but because are horny maybe that's why
Becs they dont give a fuck about you! Pretty staright forward!
But what about the friendship? It's not like it was all fake.
When we became friends, he wanted to keep me around as friend and looked more interested in other girls. But while talking to me, his interest shift towards me. Now, if our initial relationship was friendship, it should have been kept first. :(
But why didn't you take a chance and asked her out?
No it doesn't mean that for them. They. don't want a friendship they want more. Would you value something that you never wanted in the first place? It's honestly harder to be with a girl and know it's never going anywhere that to just move on.
But initially, we became friends. Slowly his interest shifted into something more. So... shouldn't we value our basic relationship with each other?
They saw it as a possibility of being more than friendship. And by putting them in that, it's simply 'game over'.
But there is a thing calle friendship. How canguys not value it?
It's easy to make friends with girls. That's not what he wants.
But we started off being just friends. I am 100% sure he didn't need anything more.
He's not obligated to be your friend. He didn't see you as a friend, but as a (possible) love interest. You didn't see that in him so he doesn't see a friendship with you.
He started seeing me as possible love interest later. First, all we had is friendship.
Because they want pussy. Clear and simple.
Because lions have no female friends :)
But he was the one who said that he wants to maintain a long friendship with me.
Lies all the normal men want 1 thing in the end the bed yes we like dates and happy moments but un the end the result is tbe bed I think you didn't give him signs that you could be he's gf thats why he ignoring you
friendship with women and normal men is lie sorry I have dick she have pussy I have testosterone she have estrogen I turn on if I smell her purfume I turn on if I see her lips wet friendship with female is lie for me
I'm talking about normal men here not gays etc
But how can you say so? There are so many guys with platonic female friends. They enjoy their company but won't fuck them
It depend how deep is the friendship with the female if we just see each other every now and then for 30 minute just random talk thats normal
But if we go cinema or resturants that mean we will spend much time i will be sexually attracted to her thats the normal men do I don know about platonic or other strange names
I bealive xenoestrogens fuck the male hormones thats why friendship with females become normal and more males become naive soft gays
it become fact that male dont feel sexually attracted to females often :) and the media still say steroids should be banned and you need prescription for testosterone :)
You can find males have female friends but I doubt about their testosterone levels
in my opinion I can have friendship with a girl for one reason if I'm looking to make her my gf and I won't be in friend zone more than 3 weeks if she dont respond I will cut of my conection with her
Probably that guy was looking to you as gf but you didn't respond maybe
Because they're mad you don't wanna fuck them..
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