Why do guys get friend zoned?

[zonedoutathma]

[Unknown_Swan_]

There are a multitude of reasons as to why guys get friend zoned.
Some of them to me are similar reasons as to why girls get friend zoned by guys. Here's a few listed below that I view are pretty big ones in order of importance.

1) She just isn't romantically or sexually attracted to you.
You're not going to have a very good romantic and sexual relationship with a guy that you don't feel that to. That's probably the biggest factor for any relationship, whether you're a guy asking out a girl or a girl asking out a guy.

2) You waited too long before asking her out and now any potential romance and attraction has gone stale.
If you're interested in a girl romantically and sexually you need to make your move as quickly as possible. Even if you do get rejected, I've noticed myself that the girls I actually set up dates with as soon as possible and then got to know them as soon as possible, were the one's the didn't usually end in getting friend zoned.

3) She doesn't actually know you well enough.
This might seem contradictory to the point I put above, but very few girls go out with a guy they barely know. That's why it's important you ask and set up dates as soon as possible, and give your all in them so she actually knows what you're like as a person. You'll get a yes or no answer to a relationship much quicker this way.

4) She doesn't want to date anyone at the moment.
You may watch YouTube videos about how men and women say that when guys and girls say they don't want to date anyone, that that's a lie. Well, that's not always true itself ironically.
If a girl has been through a bad relationship or bad break-up, sometimes she won't want to date anyone new for months, a year, or maybe even years down the line if it was serious.
Relationships can be mentally and physically exhausting. And if you hound a girl to go out with you when she mentally can't at the moment, then you're going to be nothing more than an asshole in her eyes. Just cut your loses and walk away if you can't take it.

5) You were only being a friend to her to try and get her to go out with you.
This links into point number 2. Being honest with a girl upfront as soon as possible is key to having any kind of shot with her romantically and sexually.
If you have been friends with a girl for months, years etc. sometimes this can blossom into romantic and sexual attraction, but sometimes it doesn't.
If you want a relationship with a girl, tell her and show her you do as soon as possible. Otherwise, you just fall into the ingenue-nice guy category of guys who only become friends with girls to try and get them to go out with them.

That's the top 5 I can think of. There's definitely more, but these are the most important from my perspective.
When you feel the time is right shoot your shot as soon as possible, and if you get rejected it's not the end of the world.

[zonedoutathma]

Yeah that seems to be most of the major reasons... i think the main one would be being too hesitant and second guessing everything.

[Unknown_Swan_]

@zonedoutathma
Absolutely man, that's another big factor that ties in with point number 2 I listed.

[zonedoutathma]

Yup! Totally agree!

[KrakenAttackin]

Women love having a bench filled with options. So women fill their friend zone bench with guys who will give them validation, pay for food, listen to their problems; but they will never have sex with them.

Don't tolerate being out in the friend zone.

[Anonymous]

Because just because a girl is friendly it doesn't always mean she is interested romantically so naturally is she notices you like her romantically but doesm't want to ruin your friendship the best solution is to friend zone, that way the guy probably gets the signal and won't confess to be rejected and they can still hang out.

[zonedoutathma]

Yeah so keeping the friendship safe by not directly rejecting him and also letting him know that a relationship can't develop?

[Opinion Owner]

Exactly it's kind of a win-win situation the won't actually be rejected but will know that he has to move on and they can keep on hanging out. Though unfortunately some guys will start to distance themselved after knowing they are friend zoned which is sad for the girl

[zonedoutathma]

Guys usually feel let down and develop an insecurity that they aren't good enough to be in a relationship and those old feelings don't go away easily.. and slowly the communication and contact gets reduced to a point where they end up becoming just "someone that they knew"

[Opinion Owner]

If they can't move on the friendship will be hard for them I guess but even if they are rejected wouldn't they feel let down anyway?

[ImNoOne111]

Its not win-win actually. My first time, I got friendzoned. I was stuck between trying again later and preparing for it and respecting her choice. Wanting someone badly and not having them sucks. And you quite much can't move on if you are still friends with them

[zonedoutathma]

When feelings enter friendships it's really difficult to stay friends unless they have a perfect understanding that staying friends is better than being together... but the thing is the thought that having such a great connection with someone would make it even better if they can become a couple is really strong in most people.. that will not let them be friends for long since there'll always be that friction in one person's mind which will eventually create a gap between them and hurt so much that they'll have no other choice but to distance themself and let go of what was once an amazing friendship.

[Opinion Owner]

@ImNoOne111 So as sad as it may be it seems like distance is the best answer. Tho I have to say from a girl POV that it would be sad for her as well since it may seem like her value is only romantically and well pulling out of a long term friendship is hard

[Opinion Owner]

With such strong feelings they will unfortunately get distanced cuz even if the guy moves on I doubt his future girlfriend/wife would be happy of such a deep friendship especially if he once loved his friend

[Opinion Owner]

It makes me wonder to guys is friendship that less valuable than a relationship? Like you enjoy her company and you respect her does that all become meaningless if it's gonna stay at friendship stage?

[ImNoOne111]

No, not at all. We do enjoy company of women as a friendship but if deep feelings are developed, its not going to work. Thats why friendzoning someone who has deep feelings for you only hurts him/her. The why is when love in engaged in the story, the guy will always want the one they love. Having them as a friend makes them stuck as you can't technically unlove someone (and can't have them) and having the guy around doesn't let you move on. So its an endless struggle. But if no love is engaged, we sure can enjoy company of women, just like men as friends. So if a guy came on, asked you out for a date but no love is involved, friendzoning is kind but when there is love, its a punishment

[Opinion Owner]

@ImNoOne111 You're right it would be cruel. I would actually directly reject a guy if he askes me out and I'm no interested but if he doesn't confess while keep acting like more than friends rejection can't actually be done and he will be friendzoned

[PrettyPriya]

There could be any number of reasons. Perhaps the girls just isn’t interested in dating anyone at that time.

Maybe she sees a guy as a friend and nothing more. She could just not be attracted to him.

I can go on and on….

[zonedoutathma]

🤔🤔

[In_Trance]

because they agree to be "friends first"
this is a horrible approach. friendship is a different dynamic that sets the wrong tone for the future

[zonedoutathma]

Righttt... basically trying to reach an intimacy through the friendship route isn't the way to go if you didn't start out wanting to be just friends. But, what about when feeling start later the person wants to take it further? Then sometimes things won't really work out well...

[In_Trance]

We could say "what about" about a lot of different angles. bottom line: if you want to be more than friends, don't agree to be friends.

[zonedoutathma]

Got it! 👌🏼

[BarryLiverstone]

Guys (and girls) put themselves in the zone. It’s a lack of honesty. If you like someone then let them know, and don’t treat them like a friend

[zonedoutathma]

Makes sense

[CuriousMufuxka]

Because women. And guys are stupid me included. I can imagine some dude back in the 1700's getting zoned while a harpsichord is playing and there are only 2 other ladies available in town.

[ImNoOne111]

Because we guys usually get rejected and its a terribly vulnerable position.

[zonedoutathma]

Yeah but we also need to develop more confidence and not let the fear of rejection keep us from acting and stay wondering what could've been... when we don't take our shot we'll end up just floating in uncertainty forever... it builds up like a virus affecting future potential relationships as well...

[ImNoOne111]

We aren't robots. It sure takes time for us to recover. As it envolves very deep feelings. We can only improve it so it hurts less but no matter what, it will always hurt a considerable amount

[zonedoutathma]

Definitely. That regret still lingers no matter how much we've moved on... we just have to fortify our minds to be able to let go and accept what has happened and grow to become better at handling emotions and also focus on improving self confidence... which is what I'm working on... it sure is hard to break old habits and mindsets which I've been with my entire life...

[TrueConfection]

Because they lack confidence.

[zonedoutathma]

Gotcha. What about best friends but never more?

[TrueConfection]

I had one of those in my early 20s. He lacked confidence. We became best friends and married other people.

[zonedoutathma]

I see... seems a lot of people end up that way...

[TrueConfection]

I was super interested in him and he in me, but his insecurity eventually changed that attraction into only seeing him as a great friend. We became best friends after he accepted that we were nothing more. He ended up marrying the perfect girl for him and I attended his wedding.

[zonedoutathma]

I experienced something similar too. we both were very close friends. At one point developed feelings for each other but at different times... first when she did i had a girlfriend, which didn't work out.. and after a couple years i developed feelings but she didn't see me that way anymore and then we just drifted apart... we're not that much in contact now...

[JoyGirl]

Some of them come off as weird.

[zonedoutathma]

If they come off as weird they wouldn't be friends in the first place