My boyfriend is 30, and doesn't have his license?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is probably one of the sweetest people on this planet, but there are a few things that REALLY turn me off about him, including the fact that he doesn't have his license yet. I live in the suburbs and he lives in the city, so it's fine for him, but I'm always the one that has to drive over to see him, and it takes a lot of time, money, and frustration, especially since I have had a major fear of driving and can sometimes get high anxiety while behind the wheel. He will also ask me to drive him places, which is fine once in a while, but the fact that he doesn't pitch in for gas is irritating. We've been together for almost a year, and I don't want to hurt his feelings, so I haven't told him how much it turns me off, but I have given hints... Today I woke up at at 7:00AM, with only two hours of sleep to drive him somewhere because he had asked and I couldn't say no. I realize that I probably should have, but I felt bad, and wanted to help him out, even though he could have taken the bus. Another thing is, he never takes me out, and didn't get me anything for my birthday, which actually really hurt. I always make sure to get him what he wants/needs, and the fact that he didn't even get me a card just put me off... I should mention that he did make me a steak, but we sat on his couch and watched cartoons... That's fine any other day, but I had just gotten laid off the day before, so I was feeling really crummy, and I think it would have been nice if he had done something special for me... What do you guys think? I would love to hear opinions from both girls and guys. Am I being too harsh? Should I say something about it? He's just the sweetest person otherwise, and is always complimenting me. He lets me know every time we're together how beautiful/perfect he thinks I am, and how lucky he is to be with me. He really makes me feel loved, but at the same time, I feel pretty masculine in the relationship, and it's just really turning me off.

[Applefan1]

Well you can't make him get his license, if he is happy without it that is his choice. However, he should not expect you to drive him everywhere. If you are often driving him places he should be putting petrol in your car as a payback for all the running around you are doing. If he is not prepared to put petrol in your car he needs make public transport his new best friend. You are not being too harsh at all, he wants you to run him around everywhere in your car and not contribute anything in return. I actually think him filling up your car with petrol is what he should be doing I mean you are getting up early, driving out of your way to take him places and see him. Did you just say something about loosing your job? if you did you could tell him if he can't contribute to the cost of all the running around he is going to have to take public transport because you can't afford it.

[M_A_X]

On one hand, he seems ungrateful for not pitching in for gas and that sort of thing.

On the other hand, you seem ungrateful for thinking that what he did for you isn't good enough because it wasn't exactly what you were hoping for

Did you not get to know this guy very well before you started dating and are just now realizing that's how he is? It seems like the kind of guy who would make his girl steaks and watch cartoons would have been giving off signs that he was that kind of guy from the beginning. Maybe next time try to be a better judge of character, dear.

[M_A_X]

It would have been much better to have known what he was like from the beginning so you wouldn't get those expectations.

Some people don't ever get a car or a license for whatever reason... I mean, it's like being a smoker or a non-smoker... you should be figuring these kinds of things out in the beginning of the relationship rather than complaining about them so far in after you decide you aren't comfortable with them.

[Asker]

You're right. I was going through a hard time when we first met, and I wasn't making good decisions. I guess I just wanted to give him a chance... But like I said, cartoons and steak is fine any other day, but for my birthday, I expected something more.

[M_A_X]

That's something to talk to him about later, or to just suck up and accept as part of his quaint charm. If you talk about it, at least wait a week or two after it happens, because he might think he did something really sweet for you and it might just be his style.

[springocelot]

Your situation kinda reminds me when I had a roommate. I had a car and she didn't so she kept asking me to drive her around places. I got annoying after a while so I just said no, i have something else to do, and she got the hint.

As for the other stuff, definitely tell him. I would not like feeling masculine in a relationship.

[Paulina0127]

he is inmature and your giving like 80 he's gibing 20 of the relationship and NO he isn't the sweetest person ever he didn't do crap for your birthday talk to him now and see how it goes and do be always avaible to be his taxi ;) im kind but not dumb to give everything in the relationship

[whattothink]

It sounds like you are a taxi service with benefits

[MysteriousMisery]

Yeah I thinkit's partially your fault for getting involved with an ambition-less, dependent and needy guy, especially at his age, you're not sixteen anymore you can't just look at what's in the heart alone, your first priority should be "where are my kids Someday, and myself going to be if I'm with this guy" and right now the answer is probably nowhere.

[Anonymous]

what are his career and finances like? is he college-educated? financially-stable?