Why do guys think saying "I'm sorry" makes everything okay?

Question

its like when a guys does or says something that hurts his girl friend or wife, he thinks saying sorry makes it all better. And it's kind of like, no I'm still hurt. And it seems it upsetting to the guy that woman isn't happy with just a sorry.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Well to be fair, men rarely hear anyone say they are sorry for anything they do to hurt our feelings. Instead we are accused of being too sensitive, insecure, a baby, or that he is butt hurt. As such a guy saying that he is sorry is seen as making a bigger effort to fix what he did wrong, than what he is use to other people doing to make it up to him when he is wronged.

We also live in a culture that demands the person that was wronged, to forgive the person that hurt them. They give us crap about two wrongs don't make a right, be the bigger person, and other such nonsense. This has created a society full of entitled people that don't think they should have to make up for their wrong doings. This is however harder on guys, as we are mocked if we admit to our feelings being hurt. You can't realistically expect a society of guys that aren't allowed to show their feelings to be good at dealing with other people's feelings. The guy literally won't know what else he can do other than to say he is sorry.

This is because a lot of people want to live a life with no consequences for their actions. This teaches us to ignore other peoples feelings and act like people don't have a right to be upset when we hurt them. If saying "I'm sorry" isn't good enough then it is seen as your problem. Which is why both guys and girls on here think you are over reacting or telling you to break up if that isn't good enough for you. Now we have a society of men and women that lack the ability to empathizes with anyone.

LeeDynastyy · Accepted Answer

This happens because many guys do not know how to properly apologize. Just a "sorry" is not enough. A mature man understands this and apologizes sincerely by mentioning the following

1.) A descriptive explanation of what he did wrong.

2.) A sincere strategy that will help him avoid the mistake in the future.

3.) A heartfelt apology of the mistake and mentioning that he understands that it is up to you to decide to forgive him or not.

If someone simply says "oh, sorry" it does not mean anything. But a thoughtful apology proves that he really regrets it, and men smart enough to know that also know that it doesn't guarantee forgiveness, it's just better than nothing.

RasmusAiken · Accepted Answer

If you have been hurt by your guy or by anyone a simple "I'm sorry" is never enough to fix the offense. These are the four R's of making things right:

Recognition, that what he did hurt you. A good guy will be able to articulate how he screwed up and how it made you feel.
Remorse, in the true sense. . . more than just words. He sincerely wants to make it up to you.
Restitution for your economic loss. E. g. if he smashed your phone he gets you another.
Resolve of his will and a plan as to how never to repeat the offense. He shows you over time that he has changed his behavior.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I have to disagree. You seem to be clumping all, or the vast majority, of men together. My boyfriend isn't an expressive person. Never apologizes for anything to anyone... unless it's me. He does say sorry, and we'll talk about it. That's what needs to be done. Don't expect him or anyone else to do anything special. Talk about it. It's simple. If he does something you think requires a sorry, then it requires a conversation.
For example. Last week he made a joke that hit a button. I brought it up and he went oh shit, yeah sorry babe. And then we talked about. Easy as that. And if he really fucks up, he does say sorry and he makes up for it. Makes me dinner, runs a bath for me after I get off work, cleans my uniform. So not all men are alike. And if a man says sorry, 90% of the time he means it. Men are very direct and easy people to figure out.

jessi-chan · Accepted Answer

Thank you. I hate it so much when a guy gets mad when you don't accept his apology. I mean, it's almost hypocritical when he's the one that hurt you, but he ends up getting angry at you and not the other way around.
And for people to just put it down to "you should forgive anyone who are apologia for what they did" is just too easy. I think it really depends on what they did in the first place and if/how they tried to make up for it. There are just some things that are unforgivable. As an example, if he dropped-kicked your dog off a cliff, you don't need to forgive him.

teatea111 · Accepted Answer

My previous crush used to do that. He apologized so often and eventually it just lost all its meaning coming from him. When he apologized I didn't say "It's okay" because it wasn't and instead said "I understand" then left it like that. He always thought everything was fine after apologizing even though it wasn't. Maybe it's the reaction?

tifftaff01 · Accepted Answer

i dunno im usually the one apologizing 😅 but its the thought that counts. i mean, I've said some FUBAR things before n i just said sorry n then expected them to forgive me. thats not okay. maybe guys just think you should be glad they apologized

ninetynine · Accepted Answer

If this is happening to you a lot, then maybe you overreact or get upset with them too easily. Just a possibility! I've never really experienced this personally, at least not enough to make it a generalization.

Tdieseler · Answer

You have got to be kidding me... but when you fuck up and you say "im sorry" that should just be able to do it?
take it or leave it hon... if a guy could actually say he was sorry... he probably means it... unlike women/girls who lie almost all the time. if you can't take his apology, maybe he is not the guy for you.

9mfeo · Answer

I feel like adults understand how that works and respond accordingly. Children (or people who still act like children) do not and believe that an empty apology will suffice. It's about accountability, and the latter has none.

noneoftheabove · Answer

i think saying sorry is the start of the process of a female getting over what has happened. and for her to get over it further i think the man has to show her that he meant it through his actions. obviously most people should know that saying sorry sometimes just doesn't cut it but like i said above its start of the process.

plus, saying sorry is meaningless regardless of who it is, whether male or female, if you do whatever it was again. i think this is stating the obvious though haha

pogicraft · Answer

can you just accept that guys are 'dumb' (translation: different than women, especially in how they express themselves) they say sorry and HOPE it makes it all better. When it doesn't, he's stumped and doesn't know what to do yet doesn't want to do anything that would make it worse... for example, I'm sorry is often followed by 'what do you want me to say?' which I could argue makes it a lot worse

cheesesteak7 · Answer

Any non-psychopath guy doesn't really think that, but that's kind of all we can do until we're given a chance or opportunity to SHOW we're sorry.

Every girl I've sincerely apologized to for hurting her has not given me a legit 2nd chance to show it. So you ask what us guys think. wtf do you emotionally immature girls think?

ThatBritishLad · Answer

We're on different wave lengths, lads and ladies. Half of the time we genuinely don't know what we've done wrong.

Miss_Behave · Answer

Ha! I so wish my guy would say he's sorry. He rarely apologizes and whenever he does, it really does make everything OK (for me).

OrdinaryGentleman · Answer

Because everything cannot be fixed with just "im sorry". But you cannot expect them to meet you all the way, forgiveness on your part could go a long way.

Melcart23 · Answer

Guys are able to move on quicker than women. 2 guys could have a full blown fist fight, then go out and chill later that day. And don't say I'm full of shit because it's happened to me personally. But girls hold grudges. When something happens, they hold onto it and drag it out forever.

Jersey2 · Answer

And saying "I'm sorry" in a Scobby Doo voice only makes it worse. Truth.

TheBrokenDream · Answer

What my teacher taught me is that you only say sorry when it's on accident and you can only say forgive me when they did it on purpose... so maybe it would help if he says forgive me?

Cosytoasty · Answer

What if I sang for you?

Clone · Answer

What else should the guy do? Do you want him to take a whip shout "Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa" while whipping himself? If "I'm sorry" isn't good enough then leave the relationship.

kaylaS91 · Answer

... what do you think when you say sorry for something to your boyfriend?

idkwtftoputhere · Answer

omg ikr, srsly they should like go down on their knees and beg for forgiveness and mercy

H2OBearer · Answer

It's really all you can say in my opinion. What would you prefer a guy to say instead?

NYkid27 · Answer

Because most of the time all you can do is say sorry and try to never make the same mistake again

DaddyRollingStone · Answer

The same reason girls think "it didn't mean anything" makes everything ok?

104755555 · Answer

People should forgive if the other is genuinely sorry

Negrodamuss · Answer

Well, im sorry you feel that way.

ConsultantIsBack · Answer

I'm sorry :(

SunnyCaliGirl · Answer

It's a mystery for sure

Maxemeister · Answer

What else do you want? A shrine?

Why do guys think saying "I'm sorry" makes everything okay?

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